Sunday, May 04, 2008

In need of a state fair

“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.”
-Jeff Foxworthy

I've been doing a lot of brain purging in my non public diary but for some reason I don't experience that same feeling of release and relief as I do here when I hit "publish post."

So perhaps I'll take this down in a bit but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head and hit that button so I can move on.

-Sometimes I don't like the person I become around people very close to me. I try not to allow those sides to come out but it's hard when you feel yourself sucked back into a history of dysfunction. The thing that is so frustrating is that we all have the ability to control what we choose to show to the outside world so why can't I control these ugly sides? Why is it only certain people bring out these sides that can lay dormant for months or even years but yet can resurface in a split second once tapped? It makes me feel rotten inside and I guess I just need to suck it up and compromise who I am in order to maintain a level of peace.

That's all for now.

I also hate sounding like a Debbie Downer so let me end on something light. Here's one of my favorite Debbie Downer episodes on SNL. Gotta love live TV. See if you can watch the whole thing without cracking a smile.


Anonymous said...

I relate to a lot of this when dealing with "certain people". Hang in there.

The Debbie Downer clip cracked me up! I've never seen that episode before.


Anonymous said...

Debbie Downer made me cry with laughter, made me forget my current Debbie Downer issues as well!

suz said...

It is best to get things off your chest.
Debbie Downer is the BEST!!!!

RYAN said...


ChiTown Girl said...

I'm so sorry my dear sweet friend is feeling this way. But, sista, I can totally relate!!! I've been disgusted with myself all weekend for not being able to just let go of the past...perhaps I'll vent about it later, either on my blog, or an email just to you. But, remember, I'm just an email/phone call away if you need to spew whatever's on your mind. Love you!!!

Oh, one more thing. You probably remember that I usually check all my favorite blogs during the babies' rest time, and as soon as yours opened, I started cracking up at the picture. The babies had corn dogs for lunch today! Weird, huh?

The Engine of the Family said...

Been there...still am there actually..haha...
I call those kind of people the 'negatives'. I try to stay away from the 'negatives' as much as possible and keep conversation as neutral as possible.

Stephanie said...

There are several people in my life, from my past, back home, that when I'm around, I just... downward spiral into a person I don't really like either. Negative, mean, jealous, hateful. I hate that. And it's a huge reason why I moved, and why I don't go home often anymore. I like the person I am when I'm away from those people. It's hard when those people are close friends and family members. It's not easy to 'cut' them out of your life. I'm rambling, and this probably isn't in line with the feelings you shared in your post, but it reminded me of this.

I love Debbie Downer! Rachel Dratch was fantastic. I miss her on SNL!

Hope you feel better.

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN said...

Tiny friend,

How appropriate that you'd have a picture of a GIGANTIC phallic looking THING right at the beginning of your insightful post, and then end it with an SNL skit. Like I've said so very many time before, you are so totally daddy's gal.

It sucks big time turning into that seething, not-so-nice person, isn't it? I hate it myself. Even if it lasts 5 minutes you feel a if you've run a marathon. You're mentally and physically exhausted from exerting all of that energy just to be NEGATIVE. I'm sorry you've had to come across it.

Truth is, no one can ever 100% escape it, especially when it involves family. You just have to turn more frequently to those elements in your life that bring you peace and self-love, like your little family and sanctuary, both the 2 legged and 4, and to your friends, whether online or in real life. It's a community and we're all here for you.

If you're free tonight and care to chat it up over some Pinot, give me a call.

Milo sends you 3 quick licks on the neck, and Achilles says to say thank you for the cookies. Mama finally let him finish the last of them. He was NOT happy with the slow rationing of the goods!!!

Love you.

karengberger said...

Oh, boy. I just had a severe "episode" of this last week, and can SO relate to what you are saying. You even have the courage to talk about it here. I am truly sorry that you are in the midst of it.
I don't know what it is, but I wonder if it's the same reason that surgeons are not allowed to operate on their own family members: we just can't be truly objective at that close level of relationship. What comes up, what hurts, what festers, are all so different with family than friends. Why does it get under our skin so much? I wish I had some wisdom for you, but all I can say is, "Me too," and "I am so sorry for your discomfort."

karengberger said...

PS: I love Debbie Downer! And your opening Corn Dog photo is thought-provoking...

Anonymous said...

I saw the phallic symbol as well when I first pulled your page up...Wow, the SNL clip has totally reminded me of the Debbie Downer in my life. Remember that one section from "A New Earth" that you and I talked about? Try not to be so hard on yourself. IM me later Tuesday and we can chat if you'd like. Hope venting made you feel better :)

Smileygirl said...

Thank you for your words of comfort my sweet blogging friends. I'm sorry that many of you can relate to this situation because it's not a pleasant place to be. But it is comforting to know that I'm not alone, actually makes me feel less crazy about my situation.

I don't know why I let these things affect me so much because the situation at hand is one of exhausting predictability, so why the heck should I be so upset by it? Maybe because I'm always hoping for some sort of change or evolution to take place but i realize how that's not going to happen so rather than get angry, which then leads to disappointment followed by a whopping dose of guilt, I need to accept the situation (that I have completely no control over) and adjust my reactions to them. Sounds sooooo simple doesn't it? But why can't I actually DO this!?!? Tomorrow is another day.

lizziebelle said...

if you ever need a corndog and you find yourself in charlotte call me. or email. i will bring you to the penguin.

dont worry about the negative nancy thoughts.

whenever i start feeling down i repeat to myself this profound quote from wedding crashers

"dont take the trip to negative town".

i talk to myself.

on a serious note i hate the feeling you are feeling. just know that everyone has negative moments and from all that i have read you are so dynamic, thoughtful, kind, funny and thankful. all while dealing with what seems to be a raging case of IBS.


Smileygirl said...

Thank you Lizziebelle you are too kind. And you are spot on with the IBS. Though I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out from my recent posts.

If ever I'm in Charlotte we must hook up for a corn dog date! :o)

And Wedding of the funniest movies. My favorite is the scene with Will Ferrell at his mom's house.