Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Cujo Kitty

Here's some more of Chumley's rage. He's much better today probably because he got out all of his aggression during these tirades and also because he peed all over the BRAND new futon cover in my newly redecorated craft room. Tom comes home from work yesterday and sees the pee spot that I was just about to clean up and says, "That does it Laura! If he pees on ONE MORE THING in this house, HE'S GONE!!! I MEAN IT!!!" He's been saying that exact phrase for over a decade and now, there is literally nothing left in this house that has not been soaked in Chumley's urine. Doesn't that make all of you want to rush over and visit?? I'm headed to Target to get another set of rubber sheets, and yet another shower curtain. It's only a matter of time before we all expire from the plastic fumes in this house.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Attack Cat

Usually when Chumley's REALLY mad, I don't have a camera close by to capture his wrath. But fortunately for all of you, today was the exception. The camera was right there in the bedroom when all of this was taking place. Chumley was upset because I had worked 2 full days in a row (OH the HORROR!) and didn't spend much time with him. Then today I was gone from 9:30 until 4:30 and he had seriously had enough. So this is how he expresses himself...

(and no, I'm not naked, I'm just wearing a short skirt.)

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Conversations with Tom

(this one just occurred less than 5 minutes ago)

He's in the new craft room (that I've finally finished cleaning) searching for Lord knows what in the closet. He's pulling out loads and loads of crap, spewing closet guts all over the couch and floor.

Tom: Have you seen the hacksaw?

me: Uhh, yeah. It's in my nightstand.

Tom: Why? Did you need it for something?

me: I'm kidding. I can't believe you'd think I know what a hacksaw is.

Tom: I know you've seen it. Where did you put it?

me: I didn't touch it.

Tom: How do you know if you don't even know what it is?

me: Well I know that in the last week, I didn't remove any sort of saw or sickle from this room.

Tom: But it was in here when I left. So unless one of the animals ran off with it...

me: Why do you instantly think that I'm the one who misplaces whatever "item of the day" you seem to lose??? I have not touched your hacksaw.

(he's searching around, this time with more force, grumbling to himself then he pops up)

Tom: Your constantly moving things around. I'm amazed when I do find something in this house.

(back to more searching)

Tom: Oh, here it is.

me: SEE! Where was it?

Tom: In my laundry basket.

me: Well that makes sense.

In case anyone else was wondering, this is what a hacksaw looks like...

...and apparently it is best kept in a laundry basket.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Back to the good stuff

Here's Wrigley eating one of his favorite treats...apple chunks!
Notice how s-l-o-w-l-y he sits. I swear the camera is on regular speed.

Now this is just lazy...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

deep thoughts

I came across this passage on the internet that gave me comfort. Not sure who wrote it or if it's even in the Bible, but I like what it says. So I wanted to share it with others in case they needed a little lift...


I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No.
I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy in life. God said No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as God loves me. God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Bananas all around!

While eating a banana tonight, Wrigley was gazing up at me with the most pathetic look of starvation, and of course incorporating the head tilt. We never feed him table food (at the table, that is, we make sure to walk it into his bowl) but tonight I couldn't resist. Plus I wanted to catch this on film so I broke "well mannered dog etiquette rule #42."

Chumley's of course jealous because he sees me giving food to Wrigley so naturally he wants some. So I filmed his banana eating debut as well. Or should I say, banana sniffing debut. These videos certainly leave you on the edge of your seat, don't they?!

All this posting about bananas made me think of that children's cartoon Bananas in Pajamas. Anyone remember that? The theme song was so catchy. I found this alternate theme song on youtube that I like just as well.

Really, I'm not smoking anything. I just like the words to the song.

Chumley Drinking Wrigley's Water Part II

Here is the second installment of Chumley drinking Wrigley's water. I know, I know I'm clogging up the internet with these Academy award winning videos. I really must stop. But I can't help it. More to come in a moment.

This morning...

I was cutting up a peach for breakfast. Phone rings, left peach (about 3/4 whole) on the counter. Chatted on phone for a while, yabba dabba gab, end of conversation. Headed upstairs to do some housework: change sheets, clean the mirrors, dust, etc. Back downstairs I go and as I'm passing through the kitchen I see the knife and the cutting board. I think, "What the heck is that doing out?" Completely forgot about the peach. Well now it's gone. I've looked EVERYWHERE in this house and can't find it. Either it's wedged in a couch cushion or behind some big appliance and a day or two from now we'll have an army of ants and other creepy crawlies invading our home.

(or, and this is more likely the case)

It's in Wrigley's big fat belly which means the pit of the peach could become lodged in his intestinal tract like last year's mouse. I can't think about this right now.

We're screwed...

Why when reading this article below, does the movie Dumb and Dumber instantly pop into my mind?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

golf is gross

Gross, the commentator on the golf channel just said, "Jerry Green's looking a little bit crusty now, seems to be browning out." What is that in reference to? Does he have a runny nose? That's just nasty. I hate golf.

Typical Sunday Afternoon

Of course Golf is on TV...

and Tom and Wrigs are asleep on the couch.

He just recently returned from playing golf (notice the clothes and hat), now he's sleeping to the sound of golf and when he wakes up he'll head outside for a few putts on the green. Yeah, I love our precious Sundays together.

If I even attempt to shimmy the remote from his hand, he wakes up (usually grunting) while tightening his grip. I was able to sneak a little video of this today...

Did you see that face he made??? So wicked! I know he means business when he shows me the bottom teeth. I'll try again in an hour or so.

Bath time for Wrigley

Since I was about as productive as a loaf of bread yesterday, I'm now making up for lost time. I seriously don't remember being that immobile since probably senior year of college. So today I'm moving at the speed of lightning. By 9:30 am I had already finished and folded laundry, grocery shopped, vacuumed and tended to the garden. Next on my list was to give Wrigs a bath. But first I needed some help getting him into the bathroom...

Saturday, July 21, 2007

anyone else hate this commercial?

Since I've spent the majority of the day on the couch, I've watched quite a bit of TV. And for some reason this stupid ad for Yoplait has been playing at every commercial break. It drives me nuts. You're trying to tell me that this dumb ass thinks she's fat?? Give me a break. No wonder there are so many girls and women with eating disorders. If I had more energy I'd throw my cheeseburger at her face when she shoves that spoonful of yogurt into her mouth.

A Turtle's Pace

After working a long, hard day, Tom was happy to return home to his wife.

And with the help of a Carl's Jr. Cheeseburger and large fry, I am able to sit upright, slowly returning to the world of the living.

At the rate I'm going I should be able to brush my teeth by noon tomorrow.

I took a shower, that's about it.

This hangover is still kicking my ass. It feels like it's getting worse by the hour. All I managed to do today was take a shower. I wasn't even feeling that rotten until after the shower but I was able to take some video of what it's like when I'm in the bathroom. Ok that came out wrong. It's video of the ANIMALS in the bathroom. It's pretty boring til about halfway through, then there's a little action and about 3/4 through, Wrigley does the crazy eyebrow dance. My blogging friend's sweet angel boy Nick used to do the same thing.

Please ignore the deplorable condition of the wood floors in the video. My husband's in the midst of dry walling the bathroom ceiling so until he's done with that project it doesn't make sense to clean them. And be warned, the sound of my voice is excruciatingly nauseating in this one. I don't know how I managed to sound so chipper earlier in the day. Now I can barely utter the word water. I sound like Helen Keller's character in the movie The Miracle Worker.

a break in the case

I think we have finally solved the mystery behind Chumley peeing all over the windows in the study. Tom said he saw an Orange Tabby cat sleeping on the outside sill of the study windows. So that could definitely explain Chum's need to spray, he's just marking his territory. I find it so funny that in a cat's brain, that's the acceptable method of claiming what is yours. Just imagine if humans adopted the same mentality. If I saw another woman making the moves on my husband, I'd just whip off my pants and piss all over him. Back off woman, he's mine! Actually I know of a couple people who are into that sort of thing. Not my cup of tea. Or should I say "pee"? Ha ha he he ho ho ha. Oh brother, I'll stop there. I'm still hurtin' from this hangover. And we're out of ice in the ice maker and the only thing that helps flush this poison out of my system is drinking gallons and gallons of cold ice water. I've consumed at least 6 BIG glasses of water in the last 3 hours and I've only peed once. I know, enough with the pee talk.

too hungover to think of a title for this one

Not sure how long I can sit upright and type before running off to the bathroom but I'll try. I have one of those hangovers that actually gets worse as the day goes on. It wasn't that bad when I started out this morning but then around 10:30 BAM! It hit. Really bad. But we had a blast with our next door neighbors last night so I wanted to share some of the fun on here.

Around 6:30 the doorbell rings and it's our 5 year old neighbor Marissa, who is the CUTEST little girl in all of California. I open the door just a little because Chum is trying to get at her. She asks, "Can you come over for a cocktail?" Who can say no to that?!? So I said of course, put on some shoes and brought Wrigs along to play with their Golden, Lola, who humps poor Wrigs non stop. He just sits there and cries while she does it. He is SUCH a baby.

I'm greeted with my first Tequila Sunrise (not first ever, this was just the FIRST one of the night.) It was STRONG so I sipped it. We're outside chatting and playing this crazy tennis game with huge oversized tennis rackets and it was a lot of fun. Tom calls about an hour later and I hand the phone to Marissa to pretend that it's me. I was telling her what to say to him. They were on the phone almost 5 minutes! He realized it wasn't me but it was so funny to hear her ask him all these questions in a child's voice, "HOWWWW'S work??" then she'd giggle and say "When are you COOOMING HOOOOOOME?" We were all laughing so hard. Well this sparked an interest in her to make more phone calls to more people. So we called my friend Becky and they chatted for a while and when she got off the phone Marissa says, "If I keep hanging around you I'll end up in AA." Her parents got such a kick out of that one. Thanks Becky!

Tom heads over finally and has his first drink of the night. Marissa and I were playing with the fart machine that I brought and then I made the mistake of telling her that I usually prank call restaurants using the fart machine in the background (Outback is a personal favorite to call.) Her eyes got sooo big and she asked, "What do you sayyyyy?" I told her that I'll say something like (edited a little), "I am calling because I was just in your restaurant and I ordered a Bloomin' Onion...and now I'm on the toilet with bad poopies!" (then I start clicking the fart machine noise in the background.) Marissa laughed the loudest belly laugh I've ever heard a kid make. And she was stomping her feet. She exclaims, "Let's call them NOW!!!" I told her that it's probably not a good idea because we could get in trouble and that sometimes I get in trouble with Tom when I make these calls. So then we decided to pretend to prank call each other, so she holds her hand in the shape of phone and pretends to dial me. The adults are sitting off a little ways, involved in some serious conversation about a car or motorcycle accident, I couldn't really hear, and Marissa and I are sitting on this little stoop. So she dials me up and says, "Hello?" I say, "Hello." She then says, "Hi, do you want to know something?" I say, "Sure, what is it?" She says quite loud, "Sometimes??? I poop AND pee at the SAME TIME!! BYE!!!" And then erupts into more belly laughs. I am now doubled over trying not to spit out my drink, my cheeks and stomach hurting. After the laughter subsides, she looks at me all serious and says very matter of fact, "Looora? I really don't poo and pee at the same time. I just made that up." My God, I love this kid.

So the night goes on and we realize at 10:30 that none of us have eaten dinner. We're a bit buzzed from the cocktails so we want to order something that can be delivered. But we all want steaks. So the 3 guys head off to the nearest grocery store which is just down the street to get steaks and a side dish. I'm thinking, "Can we trust them to get this on their own?" They come back with Steaks and Blueberry pound cake. The party's now been moved to our back yard and as I'm looking through the bag of food I said, "This is it??" Tom says, "Yeah. That's what everyone wanted, Steaks. Get some plates down and we'll have steaks on a plate." I'm looking at him like he's on crack but I reach for the plates and then he says, "Wait! We're having steaks AND cake on plates! Steaks and cakes on plates!" And he thinks this is the funniest thing ever. He said it at least 3 more times and would laugh and laugh and laugh. Yeah he was a bit sloshed. Ok the waves of nausea are hitting me again. I'll post this for now and add more later....

today's words

BOWLING |ˈbōli ng | noun: a sport in which players attempt to score points by rolling a ball along a flat surface in order to knock down objects called pins.

used in a sentence: "Is bowling really a sport?"

HANGOVER |ˈha ng ˌōvər| noun: a severe headache or other after effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol.

used in a sentence: "I seem to have a hangover every Saturday."

TEQUILA |təˈkēlə| noun: a Mexican liquor made from an agave. ORIGIN Mexican Spanish, named after the town of Tequila in Mexico, where the drink was first produced.

used in a sentence: "I will never drink tequila again."

all words in a sentence: "You know your hangover from Tequila Sunrise cocktails must be REALLY bad when the World Championship Bowling Tournament is on TV, yet you are too sick to reach across the other end of the couch for the remote to change the channel."

Friday, July 20, 2007

More Enrique

In case you didn't know I'm in MAD love with Enrique Iglesias (not in an adulterous kind of way) I just love his passion for music, his charisma, and his energy on stage. It's unbelievable. You just have to see one of his concerts to know what I'm talking about.

And I ESPECIALLY love this song. I just can't get enough of it. (still waiting for his music video, for now this Dancing with the Stars, Holland style will have to do)

Still waiting on the tour dates for this year. Bridget?? Any updates??

Warning. Extremely cute photos ahead....

I seem to Chumley Bash on this blog quite a bit (for good reason) but I just had to share some photos of Chum's early days. Hold onto your seat. They are so fricking CUTE!!!!

As a little guy, he used to love sitting by the fridge, it emitted some warmth from below. He would just sit there. I only had him a few days when this photo was taken so he was still in the "getting to know you" phase.

Since he was found so young (he was only 4 weeks when his litter was found on the side of a road, it was assumed his mom was hit by a car) he was soooo tiny when I adopted him. He literally fit in the palm of my hand, and I have small hands. Damn was he cute!

And then he grew up.

The Look

Those of you who have or have had Golden Retrievers will appreciate this post. You know when they give you that look that SCREAMS "I've just done something very naughty but I'm going to sit here real still and look up at you with big blinking eyes and occasionally shift my eyebrows from time to time and play it off like I'm the most innocent little angel?" Well that was today.

Tom and I have decided to turn the 3rd bedroom into my craft room. YAY for me! He initially wanted to turn it into a mega gaming room complete with all his Play Station accessories and Virtual golf hook ups but since half our yard is now HIS putting green, I came out the winner in this battle. We've already begun preparations for the room, he actually painted it while I was gone and it looks sooo much better (used to have big gigantic fish painted on all the walls from the previous owners and it was so not our style.) So now we're trying to figure out logistics of where to place the crafting table, what type of baskets or bins we want for the shelves, and decide on overhead or table lighting. Right now the room is in shambles, there are boxes, baskets, and tubs everywhere and there's only a little space to walk and stand in the room. Not to mention, my craft supplies are spilling out everywhere.

This morning as I'm getting ready to leave for the day, I hear some rustling around in there. I peek in to find Wrigley just sitting in the middle of the room, in that tiny spot amid all the mess and mayhem. He's just sitting there, looking at me with THAT look. I instantly knew he had gotten into something. I didn't want to start the chasing game which has the potential to last all morning so I calmly said, "What you got??" And he just sits there, blinking.

I slowly start to approach and he doesn't move. Then I think, "Oh crap, he's got something stuck in his mouth! Maybe a button or a wooden doll's head or maybe he swallowed more jewelery glue! OH NO!! Not another call to poison control!!" So I grab for his face and pry open his mouth.

And out pops...

A big, black spider.


I SCREAM as if I'm being skinned alive and my entire body starts flailing and I'm stomping up and down in the little space in the room. The spider makes a bee line underneath a basket filled with yarns and knitting supplies. Now I won't touch those for at least 6 months. Wrigley's now jumping up almost in sync with me and starts barking non stop and i just keep yelling, "SPIDER! SPIDER!! SPIDER!!!" Not sure why, I think I wanted to scare Wrigley from EVER going near another live spider again. Like that logic even works.

I bolt out of the room knocking my shins and toes into more boxes of crap which of course justifies the need to shout some choice 4 letter words and head into the hallway to try and regain composure. Chumley's about half way up the stairs coming to check and see what all the commotion was about. Wrigley chases him back down the stairs, I SCREAM for him to STOP IT! then slam the door to the craft room and head back to the bathroom for a second coating of deodorant.

A few minutes later as I'm pulling out of the driveway I see my neighbor (who's house butts up to the craft room window that was of course, open) outside doing yard work. I smile and wave, like nothing was out of the ordinary and he waves back. Just another typical morning at our house.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

What I don't like about youtube...

I have to use youtube as a sort of hosting station in order to post videos on my blog. I don't subscribe to any channels, have any favorites nor have I made any attempts to become part of a youtube community. But every time I log in to download my videos, I see this message and it makes me sad...

Chum's latest behavior

I'm gone one week and come back to find Chumley has developed a NEW habit: drinking Wrigley's water. Chum has his own water bowl next to his food bowl on the kitchen counter, but for some reason he won't touch it. He much prefers his brother's...

As you can see, Wrigley is very upset over this...

Tom just reminded me what the Cat doctor told us during the Desperate Housecats taping. Chumley gets bored with routine and is always looking for new and exciting methods of stimulation. Not sure how much of a thrill he gets from drinking out of a new bowl, but I'll gladly take that over peeing on our windows and beds.

Here's one more video of Chum getting caught in the act. (again, I will really try harder to remain silent in future videos!)

Planes, Buses and Automobiles

My trip back to California from Chicago can be summed up in 2 words...NIGHT MARE.

(I'll apologize in advance for any offensive language or information that may follow in this post. I've been saying that a lot lately, haven't I?)

I was supposed to leave Chicago O'hare at 7:40pm. My mom lives about 30 miles away and since we'd be leaving during rush hour we wanted to get a head start. We were on the road around 4:45. I got to the airport before 6 and security was fast so I had plenty of time to kill. There was a flight leaving at 6:30 to LAX and for a moment I was tempted to put my name on a standby list, but then realized my luggage would be at John Wayne airport so I decided against it. If I only knew.

At about 7:00 it started. Heavy, heavy rain and INTENSE lightning. Came out of nowhere. I used to love that about summers in Chicago but didn't really feel the love for it right then and there. So now, our flight's delayed til 8:12. Then 8:26. Then 8:40. The airport terminals are now 2 flights behind so there are people EVERYWHERE, there's no place to sit or even stand without rubbing elbows with a complete stranger. They tell us that we need to board our plane, (probably to free up space in the hot sticky terminals) so we board around 8:40. The rain is coming down so hard that it's leaking through the tunnel to the plane. People are getting soaked as they wait to cross over the tunnel/airplane threshold. I'm asking anyone I see in a uniform if we can PLEASE wait this out inside the airport rather than sit in a hot crowded tube. The answer (in a smiley voice) "It's up to you but you'll lose your seat if it pulls away from the gate."

So on the plane we go. We sat there for 2 and a half hours. (This happened to me once before in the winter. We sat on the runway at O'hare for 3 hours due to a blizzard. The guy sitting in the seat next to me fell asleep the whole time and when he woke up he thought we had landed in CA. I told him, buddy, we haven't even left Chicago. He looked out the window, saw the snow and started freaking out. I told him to calm the heck down, at least he got to sleep for 3 hours!) So anyway, this time we watched one movie before even pulling away from the gate. It was Premonition with Sandra Bullock and Julian McMahon (hot doctor from Nip Tuck). As if this movie wasn't confusing enough for someone with an attention span of a gnat, try having a pilot interrupt every 15 minutes with an update on the weather/flight situation. I would have doubled up on the Concerta, but sadly it was tucked away in my suitcase that I decided to check at the last minute.

About half way through the movie, the luggage cars arrive and the big guys start loading the luggage onto the plane. It looks promising...for a minute. Then the lightning starts up again, this time extremely close. The union guys start scattering, like ants running from Windex, to take cover. They leave 4 bags on the loading ramp which is now stopped. I'm sitting in the window seat and I say to the woman next to me, "There are suitcases left on the ramp, just sitting there, uncovered in the rain." She says, "Oh no that's terrible! At least they could have put some tarp over them! What do they look like? One's probably mine." I tell here there are 2 small black ones and a gray one, and the other looked like a duffel. She said, "I have a small black suitcase." I said, "So do I, but doesn't everybody? I'm sure we're fine."

We have a pilot change because our original pilot exceeded his flight hours so we get a new one who's more chatty than the first. It's now the last scene of the movie and the pilot's yakking over the loud speaker. The movie's over and no one has a clue as to what the hell happened. People are ornery, babies are crying, some sicko keeps farting. Finally after the 3rd or 4th whiff the woman sitting in my row in the aisle seat shouts, "WHO KEEPS FARTING!?!?" That cracked me up. I was frantically fanning myself with the safety instructions brochure. The plane was stifling and the fart smell wasn't the only aroma in the air. There was a couple 2 rows behind that had been traveling internationally and Oh My GOD did they stink. At least I was not sitting in that row.

The woman next to me asks the stewardess or should I say flight attendant (probably more PC) for a glass of water. The FA says that unfortunately the catering cart did not make it to the airplane yet due to the lightning. So no food and no drink. Now we're all freaked. I had visions of this turning into that 8 hour Jet Blue debacle a few months back. I told the woman next to me pretty soon I'm going to head into the airplane bathroom and stick my mouth under the faucet. She now thinks I'm nuts. What do I care. So what next? Ok I'll do the in flight crossword. I rummage around in my carry on bag and finally find my pen and when I pull it out I'm dripping in black ink. My pen exploded and it's all over my hands and arms. Into the bathroom I go to wash my hands. It takes 10 minutes before the ink is somewhat faded from my skin. I come back and the woman in the aisle seat is kind enough to loan me another pen. I start on the crossword which is harder than quantum physics and write in BIG LETTERS on the crossword page "THIS CROSSWORD SUCKS ASS!" I shut the magazine and my eyes and try to get some sleep.

Finally at 10:30 we pull away from the gate. We sit for another half hour since the pilot announces that there are 100 planes in line for take off. And since we're leaving so late we won't make the 11:00 cut off into John Wayne airport (noise restriction for the millionaires that live in the area) so we'll have to land at LAX and then be shuttle bussed to John Wayne. Fantastic.

So it's now 11:00 and we finally take off. The food made it on prior to take off (obviously) so for 5 bucks I order a dry turkey/cheese sandwich. There's a packet of sauce which I'm hoping is some sort of mustard but no, it's Creamy Cilantro dressing. Cilantro makes me puke and this is no exaggeration. So I eat 3 bites of the sawdust sandwich and then realize I need to attend to some bathroom business. Ok remember when I told you there may be some offensive information or rather "too much information" in this post? Stop reading now then if you're easily disgusted, or eating. I get into the stall and since the nasty weather created a lot of turbulence, let's just say that probably made it difficult for men to "aim" into the toilet. My shoes are sticking to the floor and make a wet suction noise with each step. There is so much liquid on the ground that when I pull my pants down I'm trying to gather up the hems and hold them (while hovering) so they don't hit the floor. Well that doesn't work because I'm knocked around like a pin ball due to turbulence and end up bare assed on the sticky toilet. I grab a handful of kleenex and start wiping my skin raw.

I realize this post is way too long. I'll cut to the chase. We land at LAX, luggage takes a while before it comes down because our carousel is crowded with an earlier flight's luggage yet there are no people from that flight, so finally they just unload ours on top of all this existing luggage. It creates a jam and people are literally riding on the luggage carousel trying to get their bags unstuck. I saw one pissed off woman ride around for a good 20 seconds struggling to get her suitcase, and it almost made this whole flight fiasco worth it. Finally I see what looks to be my bag but it's all shiny. When it comes around I grab for it and it's SOAKING wet, literally drenched in water. I tried to find the woman next to me on the plane who was worried that her suitcase was stuck on the ramp but she was no where in sight. So I wheeled my dripping suitcase out of baggage and into the line of people waiting for the bus.

Fortunately, I got a seat right in front on the bus. Unfortunately, the man sitting next to me had the WORST poo breath I've ever smelled. Everytime he opened his mouth to yawn it smelled like he was taking a crap right there in the seat. I zipped up my hoodie as far as it could go and pulled it up to the bridge of my nose. Breathe in, breathe out.

We finally make it into John Wayne airport by 2am (which is a ghost town since it shuts down at 11) and Tom is waiting there for me with 2 tacos from Del Taco and Diet Coke in hand. I collapse in the car and grab for the tacos. Just as I open the wrapper he says, "Oh shit, I forgot to tell them no Cilantro." I start crying.

We're home by 3 and to bed we go. I count my blessings and recite (in my head, since I'm too tired to write it down in my thankful journal) the 3 three things that I am thankful for on this day: A wonderful husband, the overly enthusiastic greeting I received from BOTH animals and a warm bed. Good night.

And the first thing I did when I got up in the morning was scrub the bottom of my shoes with Clorox disinfecting wipes.

I shouldn't laugh...

While I was gone, Tom got involved in about 6 home improvement projects. He was up working late through the night, some nights only getting an hour of sleep. He says he prefers to do these projects when I'm CLEAR across the country. Not sure what he means by that, maybe he just doesn't want to spend his days hammering and drilling when we can spend some quality time together. He's so sweet.

One of his projects involved staining and then sealing the cement patio in the back. He just finished this before I got home and just a little while ago, he turned on the sprinklers out back to water the grass. I'm in the kitchen, windows open, and I hear, "Whhhoooooaaahhh!" I didn't know what had happened but I just started cracking up because I can visualize the scene. Two seconds later, Tom comes back into the house holding his lower back retelling the tale. Apparently the sealer he used on the concrete turns into an ice skating rink when wet. He took a step after the sprinklers were on and slid clear across the patio, landing in the splits position. DAMN I'm mad I missed that! But better him than me because I'm sure I would have broken something. Especially since I was about to carry my glass of wine across the patio to relax in the hammock.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

our last day in Florida

was on Tuesday. I'm a bit behind on updates since I didn't have internet connection from Tuesday until today. Here are the highlights from the last day...

Baba (the name I call my Grandmother) was up at 4am making one last batch of perogies for us to take back home. Here's a pic of the fresh 'rogies. She said they turned out beautiful! (Baba was in her nightgown and would not allow any pictures. Of course I respected her wishes.)

Then later in the morning when I stepped outside to take out the trash I was greeted by this friendly black snake. He was not scared, and stayed that way in the grass, just watching me take pictures of him. I'm not afraid of snakes, I grew up with a few of them thanks to my Dad. Many of his practical jokes often involved a live snake or two.

To quote the words of Baba again, "She is beautiful." All snakes are female according to Baba and also very beautiful.

And finally, as we're driving off for the airport, I snapped a quick photo of Baba waving a tearful goodbye. She's got her handkerchief in hand. It's always sad to say goodbye. She's a beautiful person.

Monday, July 16, 2007

update from Florida...

One of my FAVORITE meals my Grandmother makes is home made chicken noodle soup. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So when we arrived, she had a fridge filled with of all sorts of home made goodies, and I poked around moving this and that yet found no soup. I thoroughly enjoyed all the other meals she made, but when I asked about the soup she said that she thought about making it but didn't think I'd want to eat it when it's 95 degrees outside with 95% humidity. I told her she was sadly mistaken. I'd eat that soup in the summertime wandering the Sahara dressed in flannel and corduroy. So....here she is, earlier today making soup, just for ME!!!!

Don't forget the onion!!

Showing me how to skim off the goo that forms on the top...

Yeah, I'm spoiled. Grandmothers are the Best!

My mom and I surprised her earlier today with a new tv for the guest room. My Grandmother spends a lot of time in there during the summer months and loves to watch the midday news. The old one broke a few months ago so my mom and I thought we'd surprise her with a new one. We went out to run some "errands" and came back with the tv and smuggled it into the room without her knowing.

Here she is, discovering the new tv...
She started to cry so I didn't want to take any more pictures. I think she was a bit overwhelmed. With all the preparation and cooking she's done for our visit, this is the least we could do. We're leaving tomorrow and it's going to be hard to say goodbye. It's so sad driving off, watching her wave goodbye on her little porch. We'll just need to plan for more visits. Did I mention she's going to be 91 in a few months and she walks a mile every morning and still does all her grocery shopping, errands, cooking and cleaning all by herself? She's amazing. I hope to be that active at 50!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

To Grandmother's house we go

I'm happy to say that I have a wireless internet connection here at my Grandmother's house. At certain areas in her home I'm able to glom on to someone else's signal in the complex which makes me oh so happy.


I sprained my wrist and am worried that it may be more serious than just a slight sprain. I'm no doctor but from what I'm able to find while searching the net, it sounds like I may have a scaphoid fracture. I'll get this checked out when I get back to California but for now, I'm wearing a wrist stabilizer for carpal tunnel syndrome which helps keep it straight and alleviate some pain. I don't want to worry my mom or Grandmother about it though.

words of the day...

PATIENCE |ˈpā sh əns| noun: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. (used in a sentence) "My patience level has been pushed to the limits."

WINE |wīn| noun: an alcoholic drink made from fermented grape juice. (used in a sentence) "I love wine."

(both words in a sentence) "Due to my lack of patience, I am consuming vast amounts of wine."

Friday, July 13, 2007

Quick update & Sausage Fest

I'm sitting in Panera Bread with my mom and my computer battery is in the red so I don't know if I'll be able to post much. Here's what I've done so far on my Chicago trip....

Took a picture of the city while in the airplane...

Went to my dentist. (Yes my dentist is over 2000 miles away) LOVE HIM!

We seriously took close to 10 pictures but we're both SOOO vain and kept making my mom take new ones. This was one of the only ones that was almost halfway decent but it's still not that good. The lighting in his office must be improved. He promises to work on that for next time.

Visited with friends at my favorite restaurant, Yoshis (and yes this was the same day as my dentist visit - I swear, I'm not wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row!) I miss you guys soooo much. Why can't you guys just pack up and move out to California!?!?! Oh how I would LOOOOOVE that.

We're headed to Florida first thing tomorrow to see my Grandmother. She's already made a smorgasbord? or is it smorgasborg? have no idea. Anyway, she made a shitload of food for us including, Perogies, Galumpkies, Blueberry Cake and Lasagna. And tomorrow night my husband is attending a friend's annual summer Sausage Fest party. His buddy has a huge bash and cooks several different kinds of sausages: brats, dawgs, knockwursts (love that word) and each year a few meat heads try to beat last year's record of sausage consumption. Tom was in the running last year but I quickly shut him down once the sausages started making their way through his intestinal tract. Well this year he's flying solo so he may just come home with the title and trophy. Oh, dare to dream...

At least this year I don't have to sleep next to him!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Naughty Wrigley

So Wrigley has a nasty habit of going into the bathroom garbage and pulling out whatever happens to be in there and then running around the house like a madman with whatever gem he finds. Well, um this time, I wasn't exactly sure what it was he had until I got closer and...well, let's just say this particular item isn't in the garbage everyday - more like every 28 days...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Ok last post!

Before I leave for vacation, I'll leave you with this...

A picture of our scrabble board from over the weekend. We played with my sister and her husband and yes, we are ALL demented. I apologize in advance if I offended anyone.

time for a break

I think I jinxed myself by posting the picture of the worm larvae yesterday. I just found worms in Wrigley's poop. I am heading BACK to the vet in a bit to get him on meds. I was just there yesterday to test Chumley's pee! Why you ask? Well because Chumley has now decided that he likes to pee all over our windows in the study. I spent most of Sunday cleaning and scouring the windows, walls, and the window seat and then I had to throw away 5 of my favorite throw pillows that I've collected over the years. Not an hour after I cleaned up the mess the first time, there was another gigantic puddle of pee. He had sprayed the windows again and it was dripping down the panes, onto the walls and floor. I was ready to tie a rubber band around his little peeper but then I thought to myself, "What if this is the ONE time when there really is something medically wrong with him?" So I decided against it. I was able to siphon up a large amount of pee which I put into a empty jar of lip gloss.

Here is a recap of yesterday's vet visit:

me: Hi, I'm here to drop off some of my cat's urine, I called ahead and they said it's ok to bring it in for testing.

new girl: Oh, ok. So, you were able to collect urine from your cat??

me: Yeah, I was able to catch most of it while it was still dripping down the windows. The rest, I suctioned up from the floor with a turkey baster and squirted into this jar. It used to be my favorite lip gloss. (I sort of chuckled, trying to down play the embarrassment of it all)

new girl: Oh my God. Wow, ok... so does he urinate on the windows regularly?

me: No not at all. This is a totally something new so that's why I'm concerned that something may be wrong with him. He usually just pees on our beds and pillows. And occasionally the back of our couch but he's been better about that lately.

new girl: SERIOUSLY?

(now a man standing with his wife and enormous pit bull moves closer to the counter to join in the conversation)
Man: Your cat has problems!

me: I know, he's got a few issues but I just hope they aren't caused by something serious.

new girl: We can have the urine sent to our lab for testing but since it's already been exposed to the air and the windows, and the floor, there's going to be bacteria in it so the test is not going to be 100% accurate. It's really best that you bring the cat in so the doctor can obtain a sterile sample with a needle.

me: Unfortunately, it's really, very challenging bringing him in. I don't want to have to put him through that, or have you guys suffer through it.

new girl: Well, it's really the best way to get results if there's an infection.

me: Would it be harmful to put him on antibiotics just in case there was an infection without getting another sample?

new girl: The doctor doesn't like to do that unless he sees and examines the animal first.

(Another girl named Alyssa, who had actually encountered Chumley in the flesh (literally) when we taped the vet portion of the Desperate Housecats Pilot, walks into the reception area. I'm not sure I blogged about that experience but it was one of the worst visits he had ever had at the vet. I left with tears streaming down my face and the doctor said he had never seen a cat that aggressive in all of his years. He was not able to do any sort of examination because Chumley was trying to eat the doctors limbs and face.)

Alyssa: Oh hi! Are you here for Wrigley?

me: No, this time it's for Chumley, the cat.

(best way to describe the expression on her face: Egads!)
Alyssa: Oh NO. Is he here?

me: No no, don't worry he's at home. I just brought in a sample of urine for testing. I'm afraid he might have an infection of some sort.

Alyssa: (deep breath) Ohhh, ok. Well we can take care of that for you and we should have the results back tomorrow.

new girl: (to Alyssa) But since she got the urine at home, actually it was dripping down the windows and then on the floor-

Alyssa: (her eyes bugging out) It was???

me: (embarrassed) yep.

new girl: So since there's other bacteria in there, the doctor's going to want to get a sample from the cat before putting him on medication.

Alyssa: Um, probably not in this situation.

Man: (now leaning into the conversation) Is the cat really THAT bad?

Alyssa: Ohhhh you have NO idea.

Man: And we thought we had problems! (as he points to the teeth baring pit bull his wife is trying to restrain)

So I just finished typing this up before I head to the vet but before I sat down I cleaned out Chumley's litter box. I had left one lone little poop in there to drop off to be tested for worms as well. As I'm heading up the stairs I hear LOUD WET CHEWING and Wrigley comes blasting out of the room (where we keep Chum's litter) chomping away like he's chewing a giant piece of bubblegum. Yep, my sample is gone.

I am REALLY looking forward to a break away from these two. Tom can deal with the worms and urine issues while I'm gone. I've had enough.

I'll be back in a week, although I may take some coffee breaks here and there while in Chicago and Florida and post more nonsense. At least it won't be about the animals or the husband! Hallelujah!

Monday, July 09, 2007


Today I had to make a quick stop at Trader Joe's and I went to the one that is located right next to a retirement village. I don't often go there because it's an obstacle course trying to maneuver the already defective wheeled Trader Joe's cart through a sea of motorized chairs and walkers outfitted with tennis balls. I mean no disrespect but I was in a hurry and I needed to make this quick. I had just got my cart when this very elderly woman pitters over to me asking for help finding the avocados. I had already passed produce and was heading towards meats but of course I had to help her. I happily went back to the veggie tables and looked all around (while abandoning my cart) but couldn't find any avocados. Then finally at the very last table I saw a 3 pack of vegetables for salsa making: an avocado, tomato and onion. So I grabbed the plastic box and ran back over to the little lady.

I showed her what I found and she said, rather gruff, "I don't want that!" And then waved her hand at me! I said, "Ok then, well I can't find any avocados over there." So I turned and ran all the way back to veggies to return the salsa making kit. The woman was already onto something else and when I passed her I whispered to myself "You're welcome." I'm sure she didn't hear.

Then, I couldn't find my cart. I only had 2 things in there, a bag of onions and a cucumber so fine, I wasn't that upset but still now I had to go all the way back outside, wait for another old lady to maneuver her cart out of the chain of conjoined carts and she was taking her own sweet time trying to get them unlatched so I just stood back and waited. And waited. Then I got my cart and now was on a mission. I zoomed through the aisles and picked up as much as I could (felt like a contestant on super market sweep) and then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a bunch of hanging bags of avocados. Dilemma. Do I try and locate the old ungrateful ninny that yelled at me because I didn't find the right avocados the first time?

Well that's what I did. I found her and told here where they were. Actually walked her to the location. I should have just brought the bag with me because it would have saved the 7.2 minutes it took for her to get there. So then she says, "How much are they??" I tell her they are $3.99. "Ohhh Heavens! That's too much!" Again in a voice that teetered on the edge of anger. "Alright...I was just trying to help." Her: "Well I'm not going to spend that much on a bag of avocados!" At this point I'm thinking, "Does she think I work here?"

I just had to walk away and avoid this woman for the rest of my shopping excursion which was supposed to be quick. So I gathered what I needed, headed to check out and then waited in line behind another old woman, probably older than the avocado lady. The guy ringing her up pulled out the remaining items in her cart, two of which were a bag of onions and a cucumber. The lady shrieks, "Oh, I don't want those. I don't know how those got in there!" I said, "I do," but this time it wasn't a whisper.

Summertime Dessert

Thanks to my good friend Bernie, for this incredibly delicious and simple dessert recipe. Perfect for warm summer nights!

-Core Large Strawberries
-Dip into Sour Cream (yes SOUR cream, not whipped cream)
-Dip into Brown Sugar (not the fine granulated kind, I like the bigger granules - Trader Joe's makes an Organic Brown Sugar that's perfect)
-Eat until your stomach implodes

This is one of the most delicious desserts I have ever had. I made this tonight and we couldn't stop eating them!

Dinner is Served

Does this look right to you?? That is tonight's dinner cooking on the stove. Something does not look right to me. One piece has sort of inverted into itself and I can't straighten it out. I tried but I only burn my fingertips and splatter grease all over my shirt. I'm tired of having to fight with my food while cooking so I'm taking a break from it for a while. I asked Tom to come and take a look at the twisted meat and he made a face and said, "Yikes. I'm not that hungry anyway." Then he sat on the couch to watch the Homerun Derby. I continued to fuss with this curled up meat and finally when it looked more like food than an internal organ I told Tom the lamb was ready. He said, "THAT'S LAMB???" At least I've got salad making down to a science.

Anyone need a toilet???

It's Free.

And it's just sitting outside somebody's house. You don't know how tempted I am to walk up with a newspaper in hand, drop my pants and sit. I'd casually read the paper, and smile and wave at people driving by or those walking their babies and dogs. And of course I'd have to use the fart machine from time to time just to throw in some "realism". Hmm smells like a youtube clip is just around the corner...

Hair Today, More Tomorrow

Does anyone else lose a ton of hair when they shower? It's amazing I don't have huge bald patches all over my scalp. I seriously lose GOBS and GOBS of hair after I condition. It's always been this way so it's not a medical concern but I just don't understand why my hair doesn't appear to be getting any thinner. Does hair regenerate? If it does wouldn't we have fresh new little sprouts sticking out everywhere? I just don't get it. Maybe the unhealthy hair follicles are the first to fall out so that is why they easily fall off in the shower. Over the weekend I left a giant wet ball of wadded up hair sitting on the ledge in the shower. Tom then took his shower and when he was done he said, "Can you kindly dispose of your bush when finished with your shower?" Of course now it's sitting on his pillow.