Thursday, May 31, 2007

Don't be afraid...

I mean you no harm.

I'm just.............................
.........................................Chopping Onions!

This is one cooking chore that I usually DESPISE but I find this towel-mask-sunglass concoction works really well to ward off onion tears. (Towel is secured behind the head using a claw clip.) The dog freaked out when he saw me and his non stop barking almost made me chop off a finger. If any of you decide to try this remedy just make sure you remove the towel in case someone happens to ring your doorbell. This is not a popular look by today's standards.

Wrigley The Destroyer

Why is it that all of Wrigley's toys are now just mere carcasses of what they used to be? I'm done spending gobs of money on those cute little stuffed animals just so they can be slaughtered and degutted in all of 3 minutes (most recently, the baby chick in denim overalls or the pig sportin' watermelon pajamas). I usually perform a sturdiness test before I buy to see if the toy can hold up to Wrigs incessant gnawing and tugging. I was strolling the Petco aisles and saw these adorable stuffed toys in all sorts of different dog breeds. The Pug was the cutest of the bunch and since we used to have a Pug I thought I'd get one for Wrigs to play with. But not before I test it's durability! I grab a hold of the head and yank as hard as I can and the damn thing rips right off. I sort of wedged the body into the opening of the head and placed the decapitated Pug back into the basket with the others. I sure hope no one else saw me because I know I looked like a complete psycho. And I felt bad about putting it back but with a $9 price tag I'll search for something with a bit more staying power. Like a spare tire. It'll be a while before I head back to that store.

Desperate Housecats update

I heard back from the producer of the cat show and as it turns out for the time being this show is "on hold". There have been some unforeseen circumstances that have momentarily stopped production of this show. He is going to keep me abreast of the situation(s) as things progress but he did say that the show is not shelved, and not to give up hope, yet. We'll just have to keep our fingers (and paws) crossed. One thing's for certain in the wonderful world of TV...nothing is for certain.

In the meantime, I'll share this pic of Chumley underneath our bedroom shower curtain. Every morning as Tom and I make the bed Chum jumps up just as we are putting on the final layer (the vinyl curtain) and likes to burrow himself and hide. I think he thinks that we can't see him. For those of you not familiar with why we have a shower curtain on the bed, we have a cat that likes to pee on our beds. Really, it's not because we, ourselves have overactive bladders or enjoy the high from the noxious fumes that emit from this heavy plastic tarp. We do it to save ourselves another trip to the mattress store. We've been married 9 years and we're on our 3rd mattress. I guess that's not so bad, a new mattress every 3 years. But since we've come up with the genius idea of covering our beds in shower curtains, we shouldn't have to buy a new one for quite a while.

I've even tried to beautify the plastic sheath as best I could...matching it to the room decor,

and tying pretty color coordinated bows to each piece.

For our bedroom, I opted for a more opaque curtain with see through cirlces. The other day I got some new pillows and pillow cases and as Tom and I were making the bed it looked so pretty and spring like. I said to Tom, "I love our new pillows and cases. It reminds me of an old fashioned room in a quaint bed and breakfast." And as he finished covering up the bed in plastic he replied, "Yeah, after a murder." I think he's been watching too much CSI.

Chris Isaak Concert (bumped up)

(Just so you know, there will be run on sentences, grammatical errors, tense errors, inappropriate pronoun use, etc. This blog is just a creative outlet for my thoughts and ramblings so I don't take the time to make it a literary masterpiece. Spell check is about as far as I go and even that's pushing it. So if you can look past all that...enjoy!)

So, about the concert. We were guests of Hart Schaffner & Marx who as I said earlier have partnered with Chris on a new suit line. The president of Hart Marx had an "All Access" pass to go backstage, upstage, under the stage, basically free to roam. He also knew that I was a big fan so he was able to take Tom and I backstage before the show, actually into Chris's dressing room to say hello. We walked in and Chris was wearing his blue suit pants and a black shirt. His drummer, manager and Rodney the dog were in there with him. The first thing I noticed is that Chris has gorgeous hair (doesn't look like he'll ever have to worry about receding), crystal blue eyes and a flawless complexion. Not a wrinkle on his face and no, I don't think he's ever had an injection of botox. He's just genetically (and vocally) blessed.

Of course I had a million questions and before we went in, I had asked Rich (from Hart Marx) if it was ok to do a sort of impromptu interview. He said sure depending on time, but thought that I should write out my questions in case I choke when I see him and Tom chimed in, "Not to worry, she's done this before." It was cute. Again, Tom still holds the title for Most Patient and Tolerant Husband. So after introductions and hand shakes I whipped out my photos from the '03 concert and showed them to Chris. He took all three, studied them and then said, "I remember this!" He looked at the picture of me slapping his behind and laughed and said that he did in fact remember that night on stage. I told him that I just had to do it (the slapping of the bum) because I didn't think I'd have too many opportunities in the future. I was very tempted to start more slapping right then and there but I was able to reel myself in and continue with my questions.

First thing I asked him, "When in the heck are you planning to release a new album??? It's really been waaaaaaay too long. Don't get me wrong, I love the "Best Ofs" and the 18 different versions of Somebody's Crying on i-tunes but I really feel it's time for some new songs! So is that in the works?" I think I may have come across a little harsh off the bat, but I'm very passionate about music and it's not something I can easily stifle. Chris raised his eyebrows to his drummer and they both laughed, then he replied, "Well...we have been in the process of writing new music for a few years now, it's taken a little longer but soon, we'll be releasing a new album. We're really proud of it, and you should be pleased." (this is all from memory so I'm paraphrasing what I can remember here). I told him I was excited to hear that, I didn't press him for a release date but I'm assuming it's going to be sometime in the summer when he launches his solo tour.

My next question was specific to a particular music video. The song is Solitary Man and there is a scene in the video that's, um, well...definitely not G rated. Chris is in bed, alone, naked from the waist up (sheets covering the rest of him). Without going into too much detail I'll let your imagination deduce what is to come. But let me reiterate: He's ALONE in bed, appears to be NAKED, and the song is SOLITARY MAN. You do the math. Oh and did I mention there is a shot of his hand sliding down his stomach and then disappearing under the sheets. Now that you have the background on this I can continue with the question and oh and let me just say that I totally felt like the Chris Farley character on Saturday Night Live who would run into random celebs and ask them all sorts of idiotic things like say for example Joe Pesci, "Remember when you did that scene in Goodfellas and you had to hit that guy with a baseball bat over and over and over again? Do you remember that?? I do. That was cool." Yep, that's totally how I felt. Anyway, here's my second question..."You know in your video Solitary Man, where you're lying in bed, and you're you know the part I'm talking about?" Chris is smiling but looking at me and then the others in the room like, "Where the hell is she going with this?" But he politely says, "Yeah, I think I know the scene you're talking about." So I continue, "Ok, so the part where it gets sort of um, risque...and it cuts to the body shot, was that you or did you use a body double?" Chris, looking somewhat taken aback, is laughing and so are the rest of the people in the room, including Tom who is now shaking his head between chuckles. Chris then bashfully replies, "That was me." I smile and nod and then say, "Any chance there's an un-edited version of that floating around somewhere?" At this point, he's blushing. It was all in good fun and we all shared a good laugh. Interestingly enough, this question sparked an entire conversation about the video and it's director. Chris told us that the director was known for doing really off the wall type shots. He asked Chris to start hitting himself in that scene, "really beating himself up" and Chris said he didn't feel that was necessary and it wasn't something that he would normally do in real life and Chris said he asked the director if that's something he does regularly because he just didn't think it made a whole lot of sense. It was a very entertaining bit of information that he shared with all of us and we all got quite a kick out of it. I let them know that personally, I'm glad he didn't end up hitting himself. I thought the video turned out just fine the way it is.

We had been in there for a while and it was getting close to show time (about 15 minutes away!)so I only had time for one more question which was, "Will you ever come back to TV and do another series/sitcom? I LOVED The Chris Isaak Show. It really was the Entourage of it's time." Chris pointed to his drummer Kenney and said, "Do you want to take that one?" and Kenney replied, "Actually we're meeting with (a stand up comic guy and now I can't remember his name) tomorrow to talk about a sitcom deal." I was thrilled to hear this so I just about started to jump up and down but I didn't go overboard. I thanked them soooooo much for their generous time and then asked for one quick picture. We took the first one, just looking into the camera and I thanked Chris and then he said, "Wait a minute." He grabbed the wine bottle and then handed me the wine glass and said let's take another one for fun. So that is how I got the 2nd picture. We said our goodbyes and I told them how I couldn't wait for the concert and that I'll be the one screaming the loudest, dancing on my chair. And as usual, I was!

Chris and Rodney the dog...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

more on Chumley's Bear Cruises

Thanks to my friend Lori, for finding this gem on youtube. If any of you are on the fence about sailing the seas with Chumley's Bear, I'm sure after watching this video you'll quickly make up your mind. I'm also beginning to think the word "bear" takes on a completely different meaning for these folks.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Interested in a Gay Cruise?

For those of you who know my cat Chumley (and his bear) you will find this very amusing. I am beginning to think this cruise was created in honor of Chumley and his bear!

Here is the human "Chumley" who I'm assuming is the one who puts this whole shin dig together. I'm tempted to write to him about my Chumley and his bear and see if he'd like to hire him out as the ship's mascot.

For anyone interested in taking a Chumley's Bear Gay cruise, I've included the link below. Sorry ladies, it appears to be for men (and gay cats) only.

  • Chumley's Bear Cruises

  • I've always waited for something like this to happen...

    But why did it have to be Miss USA???

    Whether it's politics or pageants, we're really not looking so great to the rest of the world right now.

    Sunday, May 27, 2007

    Naughty boy

    Here we have a very defiant Wrigley, who refuses to drop his "stick" upon entering the house. He looks so foolish. It's been over an hour and I'm not giving in. That stick is NOT coming into this house!

    my favorite picture

    Here is a RARE shot of the furry guys getting along. It lasted all of 2.3 seconds until Chumley jumped off the chair and Wrigley took a flying leap onto Chumley, landing on his lower body and then trying to smother him. Will there ever be peace between these two??? If so, I doubt I'll be alive to see it.

    Beauty Bargain Buy of the week...

    "Oil of Olay Regenerist Eye Derma-Pod Anti-Aging Triple Response System"

    We've now lived in constant sunshine for 4 years and after the first year I started to notice some more freckles and spots on my face and was developing fine lines around the eyes from squinting all the time. So I made an appointment with a well known, reputable dermatologist here in Orange County (the mecca of all things flawless and beautiful) and I asked the Dr. to please prescribe me the BEST stuff they had, no matter what the cost. And do you know what she told me? She told me to head to Target or CVS or Walgreens and purchase a jar of Oil of Olay. I said "WHAT?? You have got to be kidding me, that's just cheapy over the counter stuff for like $10! What can that do?" And she went on to tell me that Oil of Olay is one of the oldest skin care lines in the world and every product they have out on the market has been researched for decades and the ingredients are no different from that of high priced department store or Dr. prescribed brands. (Now when it comes to other skin conditions such as acne, rosacea, or serious brown spots, that is different because the prescription strength brands are higher concentrated than store bought products.) But for fine lines and overall skin maintenance, Oil of Olay is the best on the market. I even showed her a brochure that I picked up in her waiting room proclaiming a "miracle in a bottle" for wrinkles with a price tag of several hundred dollars and she told me to throw that away. How refreshing to find an honest Dr. not out to make a fast buck! I thanked her for her insight and suggestions and on the way home made a pit stop at Target to give these Olay products a whirl. It's been 3 years now and I couldn't be more satisfied with the results. A few months ago I discovered this new product below and REALLY recommend it for the eye area. Costs around $25 for a box of 24 pods to last 8 weeks. I use these in conjunction with Olay Definitiy moisturizer and Regenerist eye serum.

    Here's a look at what they can do for you...

    Pod puts the benefits of three treatments at your fingertips...for radiant, younger-looking eyes:
    1) Resurfaces — regenerates surface cells, revealing younger-looking skin
    2) Decongests puffiness — massage helps remove excess undereye fluids
    3) Fills lines and wrinkles — microspheres help fill creases for a smoother look

    squeeze to release product
    apply with dabbing motion
    massage into skin around eye
    For best results, use three times per week.
    Dermatologist and ophthalmologist tested.

    Friday, May 25, 2007

    It's Memorial Day Weekend S. Cal!

    Enjoy 3 full days of fun in the sun just as long as you don't go to the beach.

    Thursday, May 24, 2007

    Nosy Neighbor

    Earlier tonight our neighbor (not directly next door, but next door to our next door neighbors) had a fire truck, ambulance, paramedic van and two police cars pull up to their house. They were there for about 20 minutes and then one by one they left. Is it rude if I ring their doorbell to ask why? The curiousity is driving me crazy!

    Thank God for modern technology

    Want to know how I take my thirteen year old psycho attack cat to the vet?

    Digitally. I take pictures of his ailments and then bring them in to show the doctor.

    Even the pictures are a challenge to capture. Chumley never sits still!

    Poor little guy is losing chunks of fur on his ears. I've read online that it could be a sign of old age, ear mites, or worse yet, a serious feline disease. We'll see what the doc can determine from the photos. I hope it's nothing serious.

    The 17 year ick!

    I'm over 2000 miles away from these hideous rat bastards but they still manage to scare the bejesus outta me. I remember this time 17 years ago back in the north shore of Chicago, like it was yesterday. What an awful time that was. Our neighborhood was filled with thousands of old gigantic trees and when the sun would go down the cicadas would emerge from the ground and literally cover the lawns. They looked like flattened tootsie rolls wiggling and buzzing about. YECH! The mere memory of this makes the hair on my neck stand straight up! Then they would scurry their way up the tree trunks and settle into the branches and leaves doing whatever it is these beasts do every 17 years. One time one of them got into my car and thankfully I noticed it before I left the neighborhood because I jumped out right then and there, keys in ignition - door wide open, in the middle of the street, then ran, screaming like a bat outta hell, straight into my neighbors house. I wouldn't have cared if someone stole the car as long as that damn cicada went along with it.

    Another time one landed in my hair while I was walking to my car and I fricking went ape shit. I ran all around the front yard bashing my head into the ground hoping it would fall out while spewing out all sorts of profanities. The neighbors were just as freaked out about the locusts as I was (as well as my mom and sister) so it was not out of the ordinary to see this happen to others on our street. It was almost a daily occurrence to hear someone scream out in horror and/or yell out random swear words. We all knew it was because of "them".

    Then there was another time when one got into the house. I was upstairs and I heard my mom scream the most awful, blood curdling shrill from the kitchen. I went numb because I knew it was going to be bad. I secretly hoped that perhaps an armed intruder had entered our home but as soon as I went downstairs I knew we were not so lucky. There was my mom, shaking and yelling at the black beast as big as a fun sized Snickers bar with red eyes. Yes, he had bulging red eyes. She had grabbed a broom and was holding it in an attack position and just kept screaming, "What do we do? What do we do? What do we doooooooooooo?" I was no help in the matter; I just stood there screaming "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!" We stayed this way for several minutes, screaming and shaking, but not taking our eyes off the enemy. We finally managed to tag team him and decided to shoo him out through the dining room with the broom. We took turns shooing with the broom and from start to finish the entire process probably took us close to a half hour. I just remember being drenched in sweat afterwards and we both didn't stop shaking for the rest of the night. I think I even slept in ear muffs that night (actually I don't think I slept at all) and we were both on high alert always scanning the rooms for others who may have invaded our home. It was like a real life horror movie.

    Which brings me to last night's dream:
    In my dream I was actually sleeping in my bedroom in our current house and awoke in the middle of the night because I was starving. I head downstairs into the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter sandwich. I didn't turn on the lights so all this was being done in the dark although there was sort of an eerie gray film of haze that illuminated the kitchen. I start spreading the peanut butter onto the bread and it's sort of hard to spread and I remember thinking to myself, "That's weird, we don't have chunky peanut butter". So I struggle through the spreading process, fold up the sandwich and take a big bite. It tastes awful but I'm soooo hungry that I continue to eat. (Now in my dream state I really think I can taste whatever it is I'm eating and I'm probably gagging in my sleep because it tastes soooo rancid.) I'm about half way done with the sandwich and I think maybe this peanut butter has expired so I flip on the lights to check the date of the jar and I look...the inside of the jar is riddled with squirming CICADAS!!!!!!!!!!! I start foaming at the mouth, spitting out bits of the sandwich, trying to make myself vomit and then I look at the rest of the sandwich and there are moving tentacles and blinking red eyes staring back at me!! I scream and throw my sandwich straight through the kitchen window (which breaks into a million pieces) and then grab for the phone and call Tom. (Even though it's in the middle of the night, he's still at the office??) Through screams I tell him what just happened and I tell him that he must come home right now, we have to get the cicadas that I ate out of my stomach and he tells me that he can't leave because he still has some putting to do!!!!! Ok, I'm starting to sweat even as I type this, just reliving this damn dream. Deep breaths. after I scream some more at Tom and tell him that he has to come home NOW the doorbell rings. I run to the door and it's my dentist from Chicago. He tells me that my caps weren't put in right and says they need to be taken out immediately. I tell him fine, take them out which he starts doing right then and there in my foyer. OMG this is so weird even as I type this. So now I am toothless and bloody and then I taste the cicadas that I ate in my sandwich and my stomach starts to gurgle and I throw up on the spot. It was like coffee grounds with all sorts of insect body parts. Sorry to be so graphic, I'm just typing this all from memory of the dream. I didn't intend for this post to be this long either so I'll spare you all the gory finale of the dream and stop right here.

    Wednesday, May 23, 2007

    2 fiascos in 2 hours...

    Want to know why I replace my cell phone every year?

    Late this afternoon I was playing fetch with Wrigs in the family room. I call it the lazy ass's version of dog play because I was reclined on the couch, throwing him the ball while watching some nonsense reality television. I also had my lap top on my chest (so does that make it a chest top?) reading Court TV message boards, once you start, you're addicted. I was paying half-assed attention to all 3 "tasks" and as Wrigley jumped up on the couch for the umpteenth time demanding I throw his ball, I mistakenly grabbed my cell phone. I was winding up for the throw, then realized it was NOT his ball but apparently the signal from my brain did not make it to my arm in time and I whipped the phone across the room. It slammed into the stairs, hard (luckily they are carpeted) but then bounced onto the hard wood floor with full force. The battery popped off, but not all the way so I put it back in it's place but the screen was black. I hit the shut down button for a few seconds and then blew on it (it was covered in both cat and dog hair) and waited a minute or two before I turned it back on again. It started up ok although it took longer than usual, but when I tried to call my home number it kept shutting down. So GREAT! I made need to purchase yet another cell phone. Come to think of it, this one only lasted 10 months.

    Cut to....2 hours later.

    I was on my way out to run some errands. I'm half way up the street and realize I forgot my cell phone. So I turn around and come home. I'm back inside and then remember that this stupid thing probably doesn't work anyway, so I postpone the errands 'til the daylight hours and head outside with Wrigs and his tennis ball for some "real play" (but not before I grab a glass of Chianti and a bowl of reduced fat cheese nips, aka dinner). I settle in on the lounger and have a sip of wine, pop a few nips and throw the ball. It soars across the yard and lands on a chair in the little outdoor living room area. It settles between the cushion of the chair and the chair's arm. Wrigs, being the baby that he is, chooses to bark like a maniac at the ball instead of jumping up on the chair to retrieve it. He is a Retriever mind you, but he does the name no justice. So I get up out of my lounger (wow, I just realized I sound like such a lazy ass today) and walk over to the other side of the yard to get his ball and I chuck it full force back to other side of the yard, where I was sitting. As it's in the air I think, "Oh shit, oh no." And yes, it hits my FULL glass of RED wine, which shatters on impact and takes down the bowl of nips. Wrigs is frantically trying to gobble up the fallen nips so I rush over to grab him by the collar and yank him back into the house so he doesn't step on the shards of glass. Chumley's right at the door because whenever Wrigs and I are outside he likes to sit and watch the fun that he's not having so a frenzied chase ensues and I say, "F*CK IT" and let them hash it out. I head back outside and my patio now looks like a crime scene. I pick up the big chunks of glass and put them aside then get the broom from the garage to sweep up the mess. I hose off the patio, head back inside and pour myself a fresh glass, in a plastic cup.

    Moral of the story: Don't play fetch with your dog.

    The weird thing about mistaking the cell phone for the ball is that I tend to do stuff like that a lot. Like if I'm heading out and have to throw away a small piece of trash in the outdoor garbage can (like a paper coffee cup) I'll have the trash in one hand and my car keys in the other and half the time I end up throwing out my car keys. Or if I'm putting away groceries and I am still holding my cell phone I will put the phone in the pantry or refrigerator thinking it's food. Or even scarier still, YEARS ago, before I was married...I accidentally mailed my purse instead of a package in a mail drop in Chicago. I better stop there. People might start to think I'm an idiot or something.

    Tuesday, May 22, 2007

    Artichokes and Q-tips?

    Someone did a search on google looking for artichokes and q-tips which led them to my blog...

    For the life of me I cannot find any entry where I would have posted a story about artichokes and q-tips. But if I did, I apologize. I need to stop blogging about nonsense at 2am when I'm sleep deprived. I'll take that advice right now and watch a rerun of The Naked Archaeologist on the History channel.

    Nite Nite!

    An Ode To Marriage

    9 Years

    The 1st year was a challenge, getting used to our brand new life.
    The 2nd year taught me patience. I need a lot to be your wife.

    Year 3, we found our rhythm and finally got the hang of it.
    Then came year number 4. We're moving to Minnesota? Shit!

    But we grew so close by number 5 - heading west didn't take much force.
    Years 6, 7 and 8, where'd my husband go? Oh that's right...the golf course.

    Which brings us now to number 9, it's almost hard to believe.
    What does our life, our future hold? We'll just have to wait and see!

    I love you bug. Happy Anniversary!!!

    Monday, May 21, 2007

    OMG I am now yelling at the TV!!!

    (and yes, I still have a blazing headache)

    I'm watching the season finale of The Bachelor and I seriously think these idiot women must be on some hard-core mind altering drugs. This has GOT to be the Nerdiest bachelor ever! He's always so stiff and awkward and seems to lack basic social/conversation skills. And why does he always sound like he's reading off of a script? He almost seems programmed, like a robot. And then when he talks in that high pitched sing song voice? OMG, I literally have to stop myself from throwing whatever is in reach straight through the tv. (Chumley jumped off my lap just in time.) What is wrong with these desperate women?!? Seriously, the high school drop-out turned sandwich artist at our local Subway has more charm in his left pinky than "Lt. Andy."

    "I promise to bore you with my cardboard personality and corny jokes as long as we both shall live. H-he H-he H-he. Will you marry me?"

    He reminds me of a cross between Flat Stanley and Guy Smiley. Completely one-dimensional and his eye brows are always in that perplexed position...

    To his future wife: Stock up on the booze now sweetheart. You're going to need it!!!

    As a side note, his grandparents were very entertaining. I particularly liked when his Grandpa was talking to him about being "turned-on" and how he needs to "think long and hard" about what will be important to him in the future. Classic.

    Alright, now my head is throbbing. Time to shut down and finish watching the rest of Corn Fest 2007.

    chris isaak con't.

    Now I've got a full blown hormone headache so I'm still not able to blog much about the concert. For now, I'll just post this link for Hart Schaffner Marx, a men's clothing company that has partnered with Chris to promote a new suit line. Check out the video on the link. I think they made an excellent choice in Chris. Don't you?

  • Hart Schaffner Marx
  • Saturday, May 19, 2007

    Why I Love Vegas...

    Hard Rock Cafe: Cotton Candy dessert bowl (I get this every time we're there)

    Doing fun things with the cotton candy and then presenting it to an unsuspecting table of drunks...

    Still having cotton candy left over for hungry husband to snack on (I didn't want to smush the candy so I had no other choice but to put it on my head en route to the Night clubs)

    Finally smooshing left over candy into a sticky mask of goo to stumble around Vegas incognito...

    And the best part about it - We're in Vegas so this is nothing out of ordinary!!!

    Tonight's Dinner...

    Beef Jerky followed by a dozen or so chocolate chip cookies.

    I wish I was kidding. I didn't sleep well last night and was too tired to make a half-assed attempt at cooking. So this is what we ate. And now I feel all icky inside. We don't often indulge in this sort of fare but it was within reach this evening and that's all I could muster. My husband can be such a good sport (at times).

    Wednesday, May 16, 2007

    My Guiltiest of Pleasures

    This is Enrique Iglesias's new song. I just heard it for the first time a couple days ago on TRL (thanks Bridget!) and I LOVE IT! His new album comes out June 12. This is one purchase I won't be making on i-tunes. Instead I'll do it the old fashioned way and actually buy the CD, complete with color photos, close ups and behind the scenes shots. He should start touring this summer and I've already started saving my pennies for the 2007 concert fund. Let the countdown begin!

    (I had a severe case of the flu when this picture was taken. I almost fainted right afterwards. But of course that was probably not flu related.)

    (Ok I hate this picture - of ME not Enrique! It looks like I have a mouthful of giant fake teeth! Not very flattering. Even Enrique appears taken aback by my gargantuan horse teeth.)

    I fell into the toilet this morning.

    Hard. A giant kerplunk, bare ass submerged in the cold bowl water. Not a good way to start the day. Honey, if and when you read this can you please remember to put the seat down? Especially first thing in the morning, when I'm groggy and don't' like to turn on the lights in the bathroom. Thank you.

    Monday, May 14, 2007


    courtesy of...

    This Week's Challenge:

    "Name certain internal parts of the human body, five letters, the word is plural. This word contains an "i." Change the "i" to an "o," spell the result backward, and you'll name another part of the body that's very near the first ones. What body parts are these?"

    This has been consuming my thoughts for two whole days, so much so that it was hindering my daily productivity. I was zoning out of conversations, almost drove straight through a solid red light, and many times I'd just shout out random possibilities, no matter where I was. "RETINA!" Nope that's not gonna work, it's got to be plural. But we do have two of those so does that count? Probably not. Plus RETINA spelled backwards replaced with an "o" is ANOTER and from what I can remember from high school biology, there aren't any ANOTERS floating around in our body. "SPINE!" Again probably not because of the plural issue but the spine is comprised of many discs so maybe-- "DISCS!!!" Ok what does that spell backwards with an "o". S-C-S-O-D...Shucks! DAMN IT! THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Ok I'm done thinking about this. Time to move on and focus on something else. "PENIS!" Oh wait, it has to be an internal organ. Ah Crimeny! I give up.

    I had no choice but to resort to one of the most intelligent people I know (Peter) and within hours I received the answer. I've typed out the answer in the comments section of this post for those of you who want to know. And for those of you who don't......GOOD LUCK!!!

    Dessert Anyone?

    While searching online for something totally unrelated, I came across this recipe for Cow Udder Eclairs: (courtesy of

    Cow Udder Eclairs

    12 fresh lean cow udders
    1 pint of whipping cream
    1 cup of brown sugar
    1 can artichoke hearts
    1 stick butter
    1 small filleted smelt
    1 container of Nair

    Soak the cow udders in Nair to remove the hair. Repeat several times if necessary until all hair is removed. Rinse in warm water. Place a stick of butter into a warm frying pan. Wait until all of the butter has melted, then add the cow udders. Fry them for 15-20 minutes until golden brown. Chop the artichoke hearts and smelt on a cutting board into fine pieces. In
    a large bowl, add the whipping cream, brown sugar and the chopped artichokes and smelt. With a mixer on low, whip until creamy with a consistency like vanilla pudding. Remove the udders from the pan and make a long slice down the side of each udder. Spread the pudding mixture into each slit. Serve warm or cold and have an "Udderly Wonderful" snack.


    Although tempting, I'm not sure I'd want to eat something after it's been soaked in Nair. And I'm pretty sure that our local grocer doesn't keep a fresh stock of udders on hand. It's really too bad, would have been a great compliment to the bull testicle meat loaf I have baking in the oven.

    Something to ponder...

    This came through to me via email today so I thought I'd post it on here.

    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


    Makes you think, doesn't it??? I'm going to start compiling a list of my own.

    Funny kitchen gadget

    One thing I can't live without in the kitchen is my egg yolk separator. My friend Lori got this for me a few years ago and I absolutely LOVE it. It makes cooking up egg whites a snap and it's virtually mess free. I was searching different ones on line to purchase for a friend and I found this one which I thought was so clever (and a tad bit disgusting too!)

    Friday, May 11, 2007



    Battle of the Beasts

    I feel bad for little Chumley. It's been almost a year since Wrigley swallowed one of Chum's favorite mouse toys so since then Chumley has been void of all his toys. We just didn't want to take another chance so everything Chum had has been hidden out of sight. Chumley will find other things to play with, mostly items taken from the garbage. He loves to play with q-tips, crumpled receipts and even the little paper tags the dry cleaners put on dress shirts. And when I'm working on a latest creation at the dining room table, he's always right there with me ready to dive into all the craft baskets and boxes. The other day he found this blue pipe cleaner and has been carrying it around with him non stop. He puts it in his food bowl and eats with it and even brings it up to bed with him and sleeps next to it.

    Wrigley watches intensely as Chumley throws the pipe cleaner high into the air, catches it, then runs off with it in his mouth. Chumley can play like this for hours, he still acts like a kitten sometimes. Chumley also likes to taunt and tease Wrigley. He'll bring the pipe cleaner right to the cut out door and sit back and watch as Wrigley tries to wedge his fat head through the door to grab it. Wrigley tries a few different tactics. He'll lay down and pretend to act uninterested in the game...

    And then Chumley will get up and bring the pipe cleaner closer to the door and then all at once Wrigs pops up and a fight ensues...

    This time, Wrigley emerged victorious.

    Wrigley is not letting the pipe cleaner out of his sight! After several moments of chewing it, nudging it around with his nose and then laying on top it, he tires out and naps next to it. Who knew a silly pipe cleaner could be so much fun?

    Mind you, Wrigley has a basket of 30+ toys but this stupid blue pipe cleaner is the hot ticket in this house. Chumley watches from afar as Wrigley is having the time of his life with HIS new toy. Feeling bad for Chum, I try and take it from Wrigs. He's not giving in so easily...

    With the help of my husband, we chase and corner Wrigs and struggle to get to the pipe cleaner. Wrigs chomps down several times and tries to hide the pipe cleaner as far back in his throat as possible. I'm finally able to pry open his jowls and remove the soggified pipe cleaner. He is NOT happy with us...

    But someone else sure is!!! Even though he still looks pissed off in the photo.