Saturday, January 30, 2010

Chumley's Bear

I'm sure I've mentioned on here one or two or eleventy times that Chum has a lover bear that he humps. A LOT. He carries it up the stairs, down the stairs, into the kitchen into the living room, sometimes even makes it up to the bed with him. THAT freaks me out. He once did the deed on the bed while Tom and I were um... and well, when I realized what was going on I felt like it was one big orgy so I grabbed the bear and threw it on the floor and yelled at Chumley, NO MORE SEX ACTS ON OUR BED! He bit my legs. (Chumley, not Tom.)

Anyway, Chumley's bear has always been somewhat of a comfort to him in this twisted perverted way so we let him have his moments because at least he's not biting, peeing or destroying anything. If I take a shower, he runs to his bear and humps. If I leave to get the mail, by the time I get back inside he's assumed the position on his bear. Even if I step outside for a minute to call Wrigs, Chum hops on the bear. I know when I'm gone all day that poor bear must get mutilated. In that pic above he had the bear all tangled up in some yarn but obviously that didn't stop him. So last night Tom and I went downstairs into the family room to test out his new putter and we're not even down there 30 seconds when we hear the howls from Chumley as he mounts his bear.

"He's like the teenager who whacks off as soon as the parents leave the house."

"Gee Tom, thanks for that lovely glimpse into your adolescence."

"I'm not saying I did that."

I make an obscene gesture while raising my eyebrows at him. He grumbles, "Whatever" and returns to putt on his putting machine as Chumley's howls grow louder and louder. We live in a nut house.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Have No Fear.

I'm coming out of the closet

One year after my father passed away, I started an anonymous blog. Typically this sort of post would have been over there but I am closing that down and "coming out of the closet" so to speak and will start to share some of what was on there, on here. I felt like I had to switch gears, when writing on one or the other and sometimes that was difficult. And it was part of the reason I neglected this one so much. So now, I'm going to somehow marry the two together and just see what happens.

I am fearful. We all have fears. How can we not? Watch the news, read the paper, click on "warning" emails from friends/family about possible dangers, some even in your own home. There is reason to be fearful. We live on this enormous planet filled with billions of people and we have access to more information through so many mediums that our minds can't possibly process it all. It is overwhelming. Exhausting. The last few months, starting with the senseless murders of several police officers here in Seattle and now ending with the recent obliteration of Haiti has my mind in a fog. Throw in the failed attempt to take down a jet liner on Christmas day and all the other news making stories (deadly home invasions, gang shootings, rapes, car accidents, natural disasters, I can keep going on for hours here but you know where I'm going with this) the point is, just click on any news site and read the top headlines. These aren't just words. These are life changing tragedies. When I read them online or watch them on the news I think, someone's life is forever changed by what just happened, and I pray for them. Them being, complete strangers, but that could be any one of us. I say a prayer asking for God to give them strength and guide them through their pain. And sometimes I just sit and cry.

I'm learning how to compartmentalize my fears/worries/sadness about the things I can't control without losing compassion. I never want to turn my back and be one of those people so caught up in their own little world that I become ignorant to the suffering of others. But I also don't want to become paralyzed by my emotions and feel like I'm slighting those around me, who I deeply love and care for. Does that make sense? And when I am with my friends and family I want to be PRESENT. Physically, I'm there, but emotionally I remain distant because my focus is on another part of the world, or with the family of a hit and run victim that headlined the morning news. I need to file those thoughts away one by one. Right now they appear as thousands of pieces of paper swirling around in circles blown by an industrial sized fan. I need to pull that plug.

Recently, during a sleepless night I came to a conclusion that brought me some comfort. I thought about all the people in the world and all of the good things that happen every minute of every day. Just imagine if those were headlined! There is not enough ink in the world or bandwith on the internet to broadcast those stories. So for every tragedy, there are multitudes of blessings that off-set the bad. This brings balance to the universe as well as peace in my little pocket of the world.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Red Cross Link for Haiti

If you are interested in donating to help those in Haiti, here is a link to the Red Cross. It is safe, trusted and simple.


Click either the red "Donate Now" button at the top and select the International Response Fund, or scroll down and click the smaller "Donate Now" button and it will automatically take you to that page.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Things said while watching the Bachelor

Let me just say, that this is what I get for forcing Tom to sit and endure 2 hours of the Bachelor with me. I like to think of it as payback for all those hours I'll never get back watching golf.

Here are some of his highlights of the night (in no particular order):

"Did they purposely search for googly eyed girls this season?"

"How come that one girl isn't in the pool? She must have her period."


(during the dancing in the park segment with the band, Chicago, serenading them)
"This is what I imagine hell must be like."

(after Chris Harrison told Jake about Rozlyn being asked to leave the show)
"Don't you dare start crying douchebag!"

"It sucks she's off the show (Rozlyn). Would have enjoyed seeing her bounce around in that bikini a few more times."

"Look at the cameraman running back there. He was hoping douchebag would lean over that railing for a cry shot." (I actually LOVE that he caught this. It appears my years in tv/film are finally rubbing off on him)

"That bimb looks like she would have b.o."

"Why are all the girls crying now? Their periods must be synced."

"Can you imagine if you ever did this show? They'd be like 'Where's Laura???', 'Oh check the bathrooms.' "

"Another commercial for Vagisil???"

This is all for now. There were many more, some that I don't think appropriate to share, but who knows, I may add them later. He certainly bumps the entertainment value up a notch or two.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

a whore's bath

We have 2 shower heads in our shower, one that is affixed to the wall and one that is like a hose, that we use mostly to wash Wrigs. I'm in the shower using the hose (I didn't want to wash my hair) and Tom walks in the bathroom to see me rinsing. He says, "Why are you using Wrig's shower?" I tell him that I'm just washing my unmentionables and I don't need a full on shower. He says "Oh, a whore's bath."

Thank you Gregg (Karen's husband). We use the term quite a bit in this house.

yuck toe

me: I think I have a toenail fungus.

Tom: Why??? Why do you say this?

me: Because, I took off my nail polish and my big toe is the color of scrambled eggs.

Tom: Seriously Laura??? There are some things you really don't need to tell me.

me: Well, what do I do?

Tom: I don't know. I've never had yuck toe.

me: I guess I'll just paint over it.

Tom: There's only so much I can take and this, isn't one of them.

me: Do you wanna see it?

Tom: No.

(I start to remove my sock)

Tom: NO!!!