Monday, August 18, 2008

update on my problem

Thank you for your thoughts and concerns about my well being with this upcoming move. I am really trying to live it one day at a time and that mind set will help, no matter what the situation is.

There have been some other issues that have propped up (totally unrelated to the move) that are causing some internal struggles. I don't share them on here because after all, this blog is about "Living Happy" and that would negate the purpose for the site. So I've decided to take these thoughts, attitudes, outlooks elsewhere and continue to keep this happy and light. This blog is only for happy thoughts. I'll take that Dark Side elsewhere.

And right this very second, I ate a frozen marshmallow and I'm feeling better already. And Wrigley just came up and rested his big lug head on my lap so I'm feeling an abundance of blessings right this very moment. I will savor it while it lasts...

MY PROBLEM:

(well, one of my problems) is that I'm vicariously depressed. It's 80 degrees and there's not a cloud in the sky and yet I'm down in the dumper because it's raining some 1200 miles away. I wish I could snap myself out of this funk but this is just the icing on the shit cake of life right now.

Sometimes I feel at war with myself. Two sides going to battle: Good vs. Evil - Reality vs. What's in my Head - Light vs. Dark. Right now, darkness is winning...by a long shot. I'm told it's mostly subconscious and out of my control, but that sounds like a cop out. I want to believe I have a choice in the matter. I just seem to keep making the wrong ones. Too often.

29 comments:

suz said...

I feel for you. I wish I could help you out of your funk.
You have so much going for you, so much to do and see.
Life is short...enjoy every minute you can. Really.
Remember the saying: Life is not where you are, but who you are with.
Oh, maybe that is a Dave matthew song...but I think it is true

Christina Shaver said...

"Reality vs. What's in my Head"

I know what you mean. And I hope you are able to weather this "storm."

Zanzibarfly said...

Hi,

I certainly know how you feel. A year ago I moved from my home city of Boston to Houston for Graduate School. It was a great opportunity academically, but personally I would have rather had shot myself in the foot than move down here. I loved Boston and that is where everyone I loved was. And I did it totally alone. The past year has had A LOT of trials and tribulations and I do miss home, but I am here to give you the message of hope:

1) Awesome new friends and new experiences are right around the corner. Even when the situation around you might seem sucky.

and

2) I think what helped me the most was the idea that this is not necessarily permanent. The stress of the move is not permanent, being alone is not permanent, and if it really isn't working you can always go home (my mom reminded me of this a lot). This is not a blood pact for neither your nor your husband, so if after a year, it still is not working, you have the possibility of returning to LA or going somewhere new.

Take a deep breath and find joy in exploring something new! It might not be so bad!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Laura,
I know where you are. It's difficult... it's almost like your mind/imagination/psyche runs away with you and you get pulled into a negative vortex that is VERY hard to snap out of. However, I would urge you to live in "day tight compartments". You know how 12 steppers live "One Day At A Time"? (Yes, I know it's a cliche... but it's a very SANE way to live.) That way, you ONLY have to deal with today. You don't worry about tomorrow... what may or may not happen, and all that "what if's" of the future.

Give that a shot. That's how I get through difficult stages in life.

(And there's also a GREAT book by Dale Carnegie about how to stop worrying.... you might want to check it out.)

Good luck, my friend. I'm sorry you're suffering through this. Soemtimes the biggest battles are the ones wtihin... believe me, I know.

Karyn said...

Laura, it will be okay. You can't change what's happening, so you have to decide, will it be okay? Or won't it be? I know it's hard to do, but it's a simple decision that you have to make. It will be okay.

Moi said...

There does not exist a mold into which you should pour yourself.

I do wish you could better sit with yourself and simply love.

Love, you.

(I think I may have said too much. Sorry.)

Mindy said...

I agree with HWHL, take things one day at a time. Worrying about the future and how this move could be is causing you undue stress at this moment, which is the only one you're guaranteed. Acceptance doesn't mean you have to agree or like something, but accepting things for what they are can help ease suffering. (Can you tell I've been reading my buddhist books?)

Enjoy Cali while you're still there. Hire someone else to do that crappy packing stuff and get out and do the things that make you happy.

Lizy said...

I completely know how you feel!

Rain sucks, depression sucks, I'm moving to Buenos Aires.. almost never rains there!

Clippy Mat said...

i tell myself from moment to moment, live IN the moment, live day to day. that's all we have. we have to make that conscious decision.
stay strong. :-)))

Karrie said...

When I moved to a place I wasn't all together happy about my friend told me a story about a little girl that had went to church and the pastor had asked her if she was sad that her family was looking for a new home. She told the pastor, "I already have a home, we are just looking for a house to put it in."

You have so much to be grateful for, you have a great family, you just need a new house to put it in. :)

karengberger said...

Sending you loving thoughts.

moooooog35 said...

Stop making yourself feel so bad.

That's OUR job.

lizziebelle said...

oh dearie

its so frustrating when you want to be happy and you cant get your head to agree. i feel for you and i will send you happy thoughts.

TTQ said...

I could have written that post.. can you just maybe fly here for my next appointment?

Alison said...

I really know where you are coming from.

This may be a silly suggestion, but a book which I found really helped is 'Happiness Is a Choice' - Barry Neil Kaufman - may be worth a look, if that is your cup of tea. Chin Up - as we say in the UK - ok, I know it doesn't really help ;-)

The Engine of the Family said...

Hi my friend...I've been so busy and haven't been able to make the blog rounds as much. I hope you are doing okay. Do you need me to call up Enrique and send him out there for a little H & K session? (Hugs and kisses or hot and kinky..whichever you choose) :) When I moved to New Mexico back in the day, I left all my family and friends to be with the father of my daughter. Oh my gosh...I thought I had moved to the Sahara Desert at first. But eventually, day by day, week by week...I found things that were interesting, things that were fun, and things that were beautiful about the area I moved to. Moving just sucks in general, but it's kind of fun to go to a new place, make it an adventure. You will be with Tom and the two of you will make it interesting and fun. Life is what you make it...it's yours to do whatever you want with it. Take care :)

Anonymous said...

How nice that in this economy Tom still has a job. There are far worse places to be than Seattle.

Smileygirl said...

thanks for your comments. they are appreciated. we'll get through this move I'm sure -just wish it was the only obstacle standing in the way of happiness at the present time.

Sugar said...

I hear you on wanting to keep this the "happy" blog. I actually had to start a happy blog because I needed a place to have sunshine in the middle of all my rain.

Depression is so hard. There's a lot of guilt for feeling sad when you're supposed to be happy. But you know what? That's perfectly okay. Reaching out for help and having supportive people around you is the best medicine. It was for me, anyway...

Hope you are doing well today.

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