Wednesday, April 23, 2008

so much for trying

It's obvious I can't just quit cold turkey when it comes to posting these sort of updates, so why bother holding back? There's no denying it, that's who I am and I have issues with my bowels. Sounds like an AA greeting doesn't it? Though this would be called PA (poopers anonymous) "Hi, my name is Laura and I can't stop shitting." (other poopers reply in unison) "We love you Laura!" 

Tom says to me this morning as he's coming out of the bathroom and while I'm still in bed (not sleeping but not quite ready to put my feet to the ground just yet):

"Didn't I just put a new roll of toilet paper in there?" 

me: "Um hello??? INDIAN food!!!

Tom: "But seriously Laura, you used almost an entire roll?!?"

me: "I'm quite proud of that, actually."

Tom: "I married a dude." 

That seems to be his stand-by response for a lot of things lately. Perhaps I need to "fem" myself up a bit. Maybe I'll try closing the bathroom door next time.

I'll admit, he does put up with a lot. But I do too. He says things sometimes that aren't always so nice. He may not be happy that I'm posting this so if he ever reads this and gets mad I'll take it down. Last night I was IMing with a friend of mine but still carrying on a half assed conversation with Tom and he was getting annoyed. So he says (completely serious):

"I'm going to shove that computer so far up your ass that you'll be able to hit the space bar with your nipple."

Anatomically speaking, I don't think that's possible but I shut down my computer, just to be safe.

(And yes that picture is quite disturbing I know. Don't ask how I found it.)


Christina Shaver said...

If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, just give Evan a buzz. He loves potty talk. Loves, loves, loves the "poop tunnel."

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN said...

Mooooog would LOVE that photo.

Moooog? You here? Click on the photo, quick!

Anonymous said...

Don't stop with the unfeminine posts. They are too funny. Being a polite petite lady is soooo dullsville!
ah, how I laughed!

karengberger said...

So funny!
Listen, please do not, ever, try drinking a latte granita. I probably shouldn't even mention this, because it is like offering drugs to an addict, but I can say from personal experience (I have been known to drive 20 miles to get one) that they are addictive AND they tend to create the kind of problems of which you are already having, shall we say, "Good and Plenty," you
"Hot Tamale," you!

Anonymous said...

How many toilets have you clogged up dearie with your whole rolls of toilet paper?

ChiTown Girl said...

I happened to be checking this last night at the bar, and when I read Tom's comment, I literally laughed out loud, spit my pop all over my computer, and scared the hell out of the customers that were sitting there! You two kill me!