hide and seek (update)

***I found it***
Tom got me back this weekend by offering me a bottle of Fuze and once I opened the lid, out popped a soaked panty liner wrapper onto my lap. He thought it was the funniest damn thing but seriously, it didn't even come close to his public humiliation at the food court. It's ok because now the wrapper is hiding underneath his Driver's club cover, so when he's golfing with his cronies on Saturday he'll have some explaining to do at the first tee. I'm tempted to replace the wrapper with a full on maxi with wings.


***Contact has been made***
Tom called me while in line paying for his lunch at the food court. When I saw his number pop up I knew what he was calling about. I answered with a simple, "hello you" and he said, "You dirty dog. Just you wait. I'm so going to get you back for this." He was MORTIFIED and said that he did his best to cover it up but people must have thought he was a spaz because he got all flustered when he saw it. Oh how I wish I could have been there to witness. I'm already plotting my next move...


Operation Panty Liner Wrapper has been completed. I made it into somewhat of a money clip.

I just uploaded this pic into i-photo and it was up on my lap top as Tom came walking in from outside. Thank GOD he didn't see it! Wrigs was my accomplice.


He'll pull this out during lunch tomorrow. Oh how I wish I could be there to watch.


*update*
The panty liner wrapper has been found...


(fyi- those aren't dentures)

**********************************************************
Our bathroom has two sinks and sometimes when I'm annoyed with Tom I'll pile up my crap on his side of the sink, keeping mine clutter free and it drives him nuts. A couple days ago I stuck the plastic wrapper of a panty liner on his sink (it had a little sticky tab so it was sort of hanging down the side of the sink). He comes in and gets annoyed and rips it off. I assumed he threw it out. I just found it today wadded up in my running shoe and I wore these shoes yesterday and didn't even feel it in there. So now I've hidden it inside his bottle of Zyrtec which he'll find in the morning and then who knows where it will end up.

I remember my college roommate and I used to do this with a picture of a nasty athlete's foot. We kept hiding in each others belongings and we would freak out when we found it. She'd hide it in my notebook and I'd find it while in class, then I hid it in her cereal box and she'd gag as she poured her morning breakfast. She'd tape it to the inside of the toilet seat, I taped it to her Teddy Bear. This went on for MONTHS. We've lost touch over the years but how funny would it be if I found her address and mailed her an anonymous pic of a fungus foot.

One of my favorite quotes

"A bird in the hand...would rather be flying."
-anonymous

I may as well be pmsing

June Gloom came a day early. And now, I'm a f*cking grump ass again. I know it only lasts a month or so and it usually burns off by noon but based on the severity of how this affects my moods, it's time to get some help for Seasonal Affective Disorder. This is something I've been debating on for a while and at the suggestion of a few very honest friends and family (aka those who have put up with the wrath of these mood swings) it's time to research some options. Oh how I long for the sky of yesterday.

And now it's starting to drizzle. I'm going back to bed.

Rain sucks.

(side note: Did The Beatles not have dentists back then? Yick.)

Enough Already!!!

I'm am so incredibly sick of hearing about the stupid Sex in the City movie. It is EVERYWHERE! I hated the stupid show and I hate the movie even more. And I could give 2 shits about what kind of shoes SJP is wearing on her barbie sized feet. I know I am in the minority on this but I could care less. Maybe it's because I have a hard time relating to the characters on the show. They seem like a bunch of superficial whores to me. I welcome the day I can turn on the TV and not see some reference to this crap ass movie/show.

I just ate a cobweb

I'm at work and starving so I'm shoving pretzels into my mouth and one of them fell on the floor. I picked it up as fast as I could and ate it and then realized it picked up a cobweb on its way down. I spat at my desk and gagged. I think it's time to clean my office.

Morning Sky, etc.

Today goes down on record as one of the most beautiful mornings I have witnessed with all of my senses. Wrigs was able to do a short walk along the neighborhood trails and the temperature was crisp but your skin warmed up in the sun. The birds were going bonkers with their chirps and songs, the smell of jasmine and orange wafted in the breeze and the sky was an amazing display of blues. One side of the sky was a pale periwinkle and then it gradually became more of a sky blue (now I know where they got that name) and then the closer to the sun it became a deeper blue, with hints of turquoise, like this. There was not a single cloud in sight and several times I stopped and stared at the beauty and brightness of this sky. The mountains appeared black in contrast and this magnificent display of nature was almost too much for the senses. Wrigs couldn't handle it either, he pooped 3 times.

I have to say he's the easiest dog ever to give pills. All you have to do is slap about 1/4 of a slice of American cheese around it and he devours it in one swallow. He doesn't even get to enjoy the taste of the cheese, he just sucks it into his throat like a vacuum. My childhood dog was SOOOOOO finicky when it came to medicine, we almost had to bake it in brie to get her to take a pill. Usually we would hide it inside a piece of hot dog and THEN wrap it in cheese and the majority of the time we'd find the little white pill in the corner of the kitchen floor. Dogs are funny birds.

I'm waiting for a load of laundry to finish so I can shower and leave for work. The washing machine is making some unusual alien like noises that I've never heard before. Wrigs is standing outside the laundry room door cocking his head from side to side like WTF? I'm surprised Chumley hasn't made an appearance to show his disgust for these obnoxious sounds. Speaking of little Chum, he threw up and pooped on the living room rug this morning. I think he's feeling neglected because all the attention has been on Wrigs the last couple days. And that would be his standard way of showing it. I do hope he's ok though.

The difference a day makes...

Wrigs is on a couple different medicines for the next 5 days and I think they throw off his poo schedule. I let him out this afternoon and when he came back to the door to come inside he sat down right away (still outside). That usually means there is something "stuck" to his underside. I tried to get him to stand up and when he did I lifted his tail and 2 tootsie roll nuggets fell out. I grabbed some paper towels and picked up the poop and headed to the garbage cans at the side of the house. They were still out in the street and I was on the phone with my cousin so I couldn't walk to get the cans because the cordless phone gets all fuzzy if I start to walk down the driveway. So I just left the wadded up poo towel on the side of the yard and figured I'd bring in the cans after I'm off the phone and throw it away then.

Tom came home, we ate dinner (did I wash my hands?) and then he went outside to do some yard work. Wrigs happily followed behind wanting to help. I look out the window and Tom's chasing Wrigs around the yard and I was so happy to see Wrigs energized and playful again. Then I see the white paper towel sticking out of Wrigs mouth. Tom tells him to STAY while he grabs for the towel. I rush outside to tell him not to grab the towel but it was too late. Tom freaks out and snaps, "What the hell is a paper towel full of shit doing on the lawn???" And his next question, "Whose is it?!?"

This time yesterday Wrigs couldn't even lift his head off the ground and now here he is running around the yard with a mouthful of his own poop. Things are looking up.

I like salt

I made dinner once and I seasoned the meat with too much Lawry's salt but it still tasted pretty good. When we were finished eating Chum hopped up on the table to lick the plates and I said, "No Chum, that's too salty for a cat." Tom said, "That's too salty for a human being."

He's salty.

The next Big Cheese

The more I think about it, I think this is the method we should use to elect our next president.

I wonder who would win.


Gloucester Cheese Rolling 2008
And here's some footage of last year's race Cheese Rolling 2007

Seriously, those Brits know how to make a good time out of a fricking cheese wheel. They are my kind of peeps.

Cheerio.

Wrig's update

Thanks to all of you for your sweet comments of concern and to those of you who called, e-mailed and text messaged. Wrigs is loved (and spoiled) by many! We both feel very blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives (real and cyber). Here are some pics of the sweet noodle face taken just a few moments ago...

Here he is saying, "Mommy, come massage my legs and haunches please." So of course I oblige.

And here he is after his doggy massage saying, "Thank you Mommy. You can tell I really enjoyed that. Now I am sleepy and have bedroom eyes."


And here's a photo of a surprisingly concerned Chumley, looking at his sleepy brother through the kitty cut out door. Sweet little gentle Wrigs was looking back at Chum with such love. Somedays I swear, I would just fall apart if it wasn't for these 2 little furry beasts right here.

I'm losing my mind

Does anyone else do these things?

-When shopping at Trader Joe's you buy a bag or box of whatever it is you just sampled only to discover at home there exists an unopened bag or box of the exact same thing in your freezer. I did this not once, but twice!!! (Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps and Biryani Rice).

-When you're waiting for your car at the car wash and the guy waves a towel to flag you over when the car's ready you spend 5 minutes searching your purse, pockets, and bodily orifices for your damn car keys. But today, the lady who was sitting on the bench next to me actually got up to help me look!!!! When we realized what we were doing, we both shared quite a laugh and vowed never to speak of it to anyone. So of course I'm blogging about it right now.

-While walking through your neighborhood you discover that you're wearing a pair of sunglasses on your face, as well as a pair atop your head because you forgot you put them on top of your head when you stopped to clean the litter box on your way out. So you search for another pair and head out the door! I looked like a Martian Woman. Or maybe people thought I had 4 eyes.

This picture below gives me a headache...

this makes me laugh

(from the Fail blog)

I hate when I mistake my burrito for a baby, and vice versa.

animals and crustaceans rock

This is one of those "WTF am I watching?" videos.

And oh how I LOVE the music.

Thanks Peter. Please update your blog already.

what to watch

As we were scrolling through the guide on the tv trying to decide what to watch, I say "Oh put on John and Kate plus 8!" Tom says, "Is that the show with 18,000 kids?" I say "Yes", he says "No thanks" and heads up to bed.

*update* I've just watched 4 episodes of this show in a row and I'm seriously having heart palpitations.

The Lola Invasion

Tonight was quite a night. We had plans to attend the Angels game sitting in the "Cox Box" (Cox Communications Sky Box courtesy of my bro-in-law) but as we were headed out the door we realized that Wrigley was not ok. Tom had taken him for a marathon run on the lake this morning and he ran the dog 3+ miles in 21 minutes. Now if Wrig's was a Greyhound, no big deal. But he's not and speeds that fast are not good for his hips, especially since there are some major hills along the way. So for the majority of the day Wrigs had been lethargic and slow and I thought it was just due to muscle fatigue since he's not used to running that fast. But when Tom came home from work and Wrigley didn't lift his head or his body off the ground, we both freaked. We cancelled our plans to go to the game and called the vet. They were closing but waited for us to arrive. Poor Wrigs was severely dehydrated and had acid deposits from his joints that stiffened his muscles (similar to the fainting goats!) He was put on IV fluids and given anti-inflammatory meds as well as injections for pain. Tom and I both broke down. We are so concerned with hip dysplasia and wanted the vet to reassure us that he is free from this condition. Sadly, he can't rule this out until the fluid in his joints and swelling of his muscles return to normal, then he can take x-rays and we go from there. Until then Wrigs needs to take it easy and in a few days can return to low impact activity.

Since we returned from the vets office Wrigs has been lapping up water non stop. He was laying with Tom in the family room watching the Cubs game and I was in the study talking to my mom on the phone. From time to time Tom would let Wrigs out the family room door and then he'd come around to the other set of doors (where I was) to come inside. So it was starting to get dark outside and I didn't have any lights on inside and all of the sudden I see a happy go lucky Golden appear at the glass doors in the study. I open up the doors and greet an OVERLY excited and jumpy Wrigs (so I thought). The galloping Golden heads into the family room and I follow after saying, "Tom Wrigley's back to normal!" Then as I enter the family room, I see 2 Goldens entangled in a "long time no see" lover's embrace. The dog I had let into the house was our neighbor's dog Lola who sometimes hops the fence into our yard. There was mass chaos for about 3 minutes as we tried to restrain Lola and calm our overly medicated Wrigs. Then an angry Chumley entered the room to see what all this nonsense was about. Lola instantly turned her attention on Chum and a mad chase ensued. Pictures were toppled and rugs were disheveled but Chumley still managed to get a few swift paw pounds to Lola's snout. Tom finally got a hold of Lola's collar and headed out the front door to walk her home. Wrig's just stood in the hallway panting and wobbly probably thinking the whole thing was a medicinal induced hallucination.

Wrig's is resting comfortably now and we hope that he'll be feeling better each day.

Fainting Goats (and Burton the fainting cat)

Thanks to Lizzibelle for posting this gem. I wish Chumley was a fainting cat.

update:
My girlfriend Rebecca has a real live fainting cat! Please say hello to Burton. This is how he sleeps:


What a little nutball. She tends to have some interesting felines. Her last cat was a beautiful Siamese named Shylee who would chew holes in all her clothes and would randomly attack when walking by. Shylee was a male cat but he had legs like a woman. My nickname for him was "Woman Legs" and after a while Rebecca started to call him that too. You just had to see the legs to believe it.

Now Burton's nickname is "Fainting Goat".

Sydney Pollack

I am shocked and sad to learn of the passing of Sydney Pollack today. I never realized he was diagnosed with cancer just 9 short months ago. We met back in 2005 on the set of Will & Grace and he was such a genuinely kind man, always upbeat, friendly and never without a smile on his face. He played Will's father on the show and one of the saddest scenes ever was when Will learned of his death from a sudden heart attack. There was not a dry eye in the audience or on set that day. Sydney was such a first class talent, he treated everyone with respect and was so polite, always saying please and thank you, even for the little things. I've worked with a few people in this business who could definitely learn a thing or two about class from someone like Sydney.

My prayers go out to his family and I hope his last days on this earth were peaceful.

Sydney, you will be missed!

Kahlua the Pony

This is one of the most disturbing stories of animal cruelty I have ever come across. I am posting it on here because I want as many people to help this family and try and catch the f*cking sons of bitches who did this. I emailed Linda Wilson Fuoco (the reporter at the Post Gazette) and she provided the address below to send donations that will be applied toward reward money for bringing these f*ckwads to justice.

Death of Kahlua, the blind pony

Checks should be sent to:
Renee Dorogy, Humane Agent
Humane Society of Mercer County
P.O. Box 1046
Hermitage, PA 16148

I tend to stay away from posting depressing things like this but I just can't sit back on this one. If there's anything you can give, even a few dollars, it will help. Or if you can't give money maybe just write a card to the family to let them know you are thinking of them and sweet Kahlua.

life sucks right about now

So it appears that I have skipped my period this month and I'm fairly certain it is due to the sudden unwanted stress that has invaded our otherwise happy and comfortable life. (And no, I am NOT pregnant so for those of you who would think or comment as such, please don't). See? I'm still a snapping turtle. Can't help it.

Sadly this stress is starting to take its toll on Tom and I and some mornings when I wake up I think it was all a bad dream and I'm happy. Then I realize it's not and I start each day in tears. I really hate posting when I'm down in these dumps but I can't help it. And believe me it takes a LOT to get me down and in the big scheme of things this may not be the worst thing ever but right now we are both not seeing any light at the end of this tunnel. And that makes for a very grumpy couple. Happy fricking 10 years.

Plus the weather here has been cloudy and overcast for the last several days and I do not do well when I don't see sunshine. Another reason I am in the dumps...

I'll be able to share more on this topic in about another week or so. I HATE that I can't just get it all out here now but due to this being a public type of journal I have to wait until it is ok to share in an open venue.

And for those of you who do know the reason why I thank you so much for your calls, e-mails and text messages of support. Don't think that your words of wisdom and insight are not helping, they are. This is just one tough pill to swallow.

commercial

This commercial makes me cry.

Chums Water Obsession

I have gobs of video on my lap top that I need to post. Here's some footage of Chumley and my water glass (thankfully it's not glass but hard plastic) but still, he makes me crazy when he does this...


2 minutes later he's back at it again. Wrigley wakes from a nap to see what all the ruckus is about...

Cherries...

...are such a tasty fruit, especially when they are dark red and firm. But sometimes they are more effort than they are worth, what with pits, stems and the potential for stain-age.

Note to Tom...

If you're going to use my Word Search book while in the bathroom PLEASE cross off each and every found word so I don't waste 5 minutes of precious bathroom time trying to locate an already circled word!

Thank you!

(yes, I'm STILL Pms-ing)

Too good not to steal

Stolen from Chi Town Girl's blog

Bangers

While walking Wrigs we came across a woman a little older than me walking her Golden. We stopped so our dogs could sniff and romp and she asks, "What's your dog's name?" I say, "Wrigley. He's named after Wrigley Field. He's a Cub fan." Wrigs then hunkers down to do his usual "nice to meet you dump" and as I'm searching for another poo bag I ask what her dog's name is. She says, "This is Flame." I reply, "Oh that's hot!" and pat Flame on the head. She then says very serious, "Flame is on fire for the Lord. He's a fan of Jesus Christ."

Oh fuck here we go.

I bend down to pick up Wrig's poo just as her disciple of the Lord is about to swallow it whole and the woman then asks point blank, "And what is your faith?"

Seriously lady? We just met 2.3 seconds ago and you really want to go there? I tell her I'm spiritual and I hope she has a nice day and walk away with my pagan beast. I really wanted to say, "You're bible banging up the wrong tree lady!"

I don't know why I am so put off by people who broadcast their beliefs at any given opportunity. And maybe that was not her intention with me but I just thought it was a bit too pushy. I have a slew of friends who span the spectrum of religion (Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Jehovah Witness - just one- to name a few) and the reason we remain friends is that we mutually understand and respect each other's faith and we don't force our beliefs on each other or pass judgments because they happen to be different. But for some reason a good majority of the people I've encountered who are of Christian faith do not seem to adopt the same mentality. It's like everyone else is wrong or is a "Sinner" and needs divine intervention or they will burn in the fires of hell.

Totally random story that just popped into my head from a couple years ago...it relates to this topic. Tom and I had a business dinner with one of his vendors who brought along his wife. After we exchanged pleasantries she asked what I did for a living and at the time I was working on the TV show Will and Grace. She reacted as if I told her I was a meth addicted stripper by day and crack whore by night. She instantly starting saying how vile she found the show (Thanks!) and that she can't believe gays are being portrayed on regular prime time television for young impressionable minds to watch (NOT HBO OR LATE NIGHT TV!) I was extremely offended by what she was saying and she took absolutely no liberties at my job calling the people who work on "disgusting shows like that" sinners. It was an incredibly uncomfortable situation and I tried my best to be polite (for Tom's sake) but after she went on her tirade I told her I do not agree with her one bit and thinking that way is pathetically close minded and bigoted. Needless to say I ordered a few more cocktails and delighted in sharing stories that revolved around some of my best gay friends while she sat there stewing in her holy anger sipping her Diet Coke. I'm surprised drinking caffeine isn't a one way ticket to hell in her book.

Thankfully we never had the displeasure of seeing them again. The husband seemed ok but I have to question his mental health to marry someone whose mind is the size of an unripened pea.

Our latest Obsession

The Alaska Experiment
Tom wants us to sign up for this show. Not even kidding. We would not even make it past the plane ride to Alaska. It's a kick ass show to watch though.

Cubs game

I love it how when we're watching the Cubs game and it's the 8th inning and I need to get into the shower (haven't showered in a day or two or...) and I say, "I'll do it right after the game." Here we are at inning 14 and now I'm too tired to cleanse.

Update: Dumb stupid Cubs just lost!

ONE WEEK STRAIGHT OF PMS

I have been a snapping turtle the last several days due to severe PMS and stress related crap. Poor Tom. Tonight while eating dinner he makes a totally neutral and what he thought was a safe statement, "It's 8:00 at night and it's still light outside." I snap, "Yeah, it's called summer." I am such a bitch.

When I PMS I crave extremely HOT HOT HOT foods and a lot of salt. Tonight we had jalepeno burgers with grilled vidalia onions and sharp cheddar cheese and a heaping bowl of buttery egg noodles overloaded in salt, topped off with a glass of Menage Trois Rose. DELISH.

Then Chumley ate the left over grilled jalapenos right off our plates (he loves hot spicy foods) so I am counting down the moments til there's an explosion in his litter box. Right after he gobbled them up he ran straight to Wrig's water bowl and lapped up water for 5 minutes straight. We all watched and chuckled at this cat. Wrig's included.

Last night I made Habanero Mango Chicken Sausage again with Vidalia onions smothered in horseradish sauce with an ice cold Bud Light. If the flood gates don't open soon I am going to buy a salt lick. And a lot more wine.

extremely random google searches

This one has me worried:


This one you have to click on in order to see it up close...


Perhaps I need to re-evaluate the content posted on this blog.

Things I hate...

just from today...

-The mildewy smell of a kitchen sponge.

-Too many chocolate chips in a chocolate chip cookie. Should be no more than one chip per bite.

-The word Triptik.

-The smell of Wrigley's rain soaked fur.

-Forgetting to run the towels through another drying cycle and then having to re-wash wet, smelly heaps of stink.

-Thinking I had a bottle of tonic so I didn't purchase one at the store only to return home to a bottle of soda water. Gin n' Soda it is.

-When Tom swings open the refrigerator door and something flies out and breaks and then he blames me for putting it away wrong.

-That it has been rainy and overcast for 2 days and I am desperately missing the sunshine.

-The fact that I have been PMSing for 6 whole days.

Where do you want to live?

It's cold and rainy again today so I'm curled up on the couch snuggling with Wrigs, neglecting many of the necessary things I need to be doing right now but can't find the energy or motivation to do a single one. So a friend sent me a website survey that generates a list of the top 24 ideal places for you to live in the US based on the information you provide.

Here are my top 5 places to live (based on my criteria):

Seriously??? Little Rock?? Who knew. Nothing against Little Rock - I spent quite a bit of time there when my Dad was sick because that is where his research center was located. But sure as shit I don't think I could see myself moving there anytime soon.

Other places on my list were: Los Angeles, CA - Las Vegas, NV -Oakland, CA - Long Beach, CA - San Jose, CA - San Francisco, CA - (see a pattern here?) and then there were a few on the east coast like Long Island, NY - NYC - Baltimore, MD - Charleston, SC and Charlotte, NC. Funny how it mentioned nothing of Chicago, where I spent the majority of my life, or Minneapolis, where I drank most of the winter away in an effort to keep warm.

Here's the survey in case you're in need of a change of scenery...

Find your Spot

Things are looking up...

My first Roomba Advisory Board Panel Survey:


I already did it. In my opinion it was too short.

Our Roomba had been sitting in the middle of the living room floor for the past 3 days. I refused to clean it and Tom was waiting to see how long I could go with it just sitting there. He finally caved and picked it up this morning and cleaned the brushes. At this point the battery died so it needed to be charged and he was very sweet and coddling towards the vacuum yet again. I wonder what he'd do if the Roomba mysteriously disappeared...

Crazy weather, expensive gas

Our weather has been absolutely CRAZY the last couple days.
CALIFORNIA WEATHER
Tornadoes, mud slides, thunderstorms, hail/snow and FIRES!?!?!

It has been the most bizarre pattern in weather in the history of the state.

And gas prices aren't much better...

These prices are in Death Valley, CA. Not close but still...ridiculous. We can expect these prices to hit this summer. Can't wait.

Times are changing.

On Auto Pilot

Today is our 10 year anniversary. Some recent developments that are beyond our control are not making for much of a celebratory mood in our house right now. Sadly, the timing of all this could not have been worse. I hate to sound all Debbie Downerish (AGAIN!) but I really have a hard time hiding my feelings so I can't quite fake the happiness right now.

I still have many blessing to count...Tom and I have good health and our families are generally healthy, we have an amazing network of friends and we will always have each other. I just need to believe that sometimes things happen for a reason and I guess what makes life exciting is the fact that it is SO. F*CKING. UNPREDICTABLE.

Lack of Food

I'm weeding through the kitchen cabinets trying to get rid of a lot of nonsense crap so there's been stuff all over the countertops for days. I decided to tidy up so I started putting things away and became very frustrated when the George Forman Grill didn't fit in the refrigerator!! Why the hell I tried to shove that thing in there I have no idea. It's now 5:01 and I only had a bowl of Cinnamon Life Cereal all day so that could be why. I'm not on a hunger strike I swear, I've just been going all day and realized that I think I might need some food.

Cinnamon Life Cereal

Is it just me or is Cinnamon Life Cereal not holding up so well in milk anymore?? After the 3rd or 4th bite it starts to sog. I don't remember this happening in the past in fact this used to be one the cereals I would rate high on the list of sog tolerance. Maybe Quaker is importing their rice flour from China. Anyway, I'm disappointed because it's not as tasty when it's a soggy mush. I'll just have to continue eating it straight out of the box. Wow, what an exciting post.

not good

A package arrived today that was packed in Dry Ice and when I went to remove the bag of ice it broke and spilled out all over the floor. Wrigs came rushing over and I know that stuff is dangerous so I scooped up the rocks of ice with my bare hands and now the palm of my right hand is spotted with red and burning. I just asked google about the potential hazards of handling dry ice and I'm starting to freak out. But if Wrigley would have swallowed any of this it could have killed him. So I guess if I had to choose I'd rather lose my hand than my dog. But still, this sucks. My ice hand is on fire!!!

Hand update, 12:55: My palm is not as red and it doesn't burn anymore but my middle and ring fingers are still splotchy and tingly. It feels like poison ivy, very itchy. So here goes my stupid question: Should I put ice on my ice hand??

Anniversary Ring

One of our unintentional anniversary presents to each other is a Baltimore Orioles World Series ring from 1966. After 42 years, my Dad continues to hold the strike out record for game 1 and since his money grubbing wife (or widow rather) refuses to acknowledge his offspring, we have very few baseball memorabilia from his career. She actually told us that she was going to have a garage sale for some of his things because he "had so much stuff"! She also told us she'd give some stuff away to Good Will. As far as we know she never did but she used to threaten us with things like this all the time because she happens to be one of those, oh what's that word?? It starts with a "C"?? I just cun't think of it right now.

Anyhoo, Tom decided last year that he wanted to get a replica ring made for our family. There's a ton of red tape you need to go through in order to get approval from the MLB as well as the team's licensing to prevent counterfeiting. You also have to sign documents stating that this ring will never be sold or auctioned (either in galleries or online). When I explained our somewhat dysfunctional situation to the Orioles organization they could not have been more accommodating and made this whole process extremely pleasant. As for the ring company, Balfour, well that's another story. It wasn't terrible but someone over there dropped the ball and ended up costing us a lot of time. But! Here we are, a year after we started this process, and the ring finally arrived.




Tom doesn't feel worthy of wearing this ring but when he tried it on I just loved the way it looked on his hand and his face lit up as he smiled from ear to ear. He was giddy like a kid on Christmas. Though he'll never win a World Championship in this lifetime, he still manages to rock my world.

Peaches and Corn

Our Dwarf Peach tree blossomed and ripened in the past few days and the peaches are sweet and succulent. I want to make a peach pie but I know I'll never get around to it (or have the patience for such an undertaking) but I just like to say the words, "I want to make a peach pie." Sounds like I have talent.

Chumley likes to sniff and lick peaches...


I also noticed a slew of peach pits in the backyard so it appears that someone else in this family has enjoyed his fair share of peach nibbling. (sounds perverted) I need to be careful though because I don't want a peach or a pit to get lodged in Wrig's throat.

I may have mentioned that Tom planted CORN in our backyard which is also starting to sprout. I can guarantee that we are the only house in the neighborhood and perhaps all of Orange County that has fricking corn cobs growing in their yard. I just hope all of these food stuffs don't attract more coyotes or mountain lions. There's quite a feast to be had back there.

Must Have Chocolate

Based on my purchases on the emergency drugstore run (5 minutes ago), I wonder if the check out lady was able to tell what time of the month it is...

And how funny, everything I bought was red.

Ordering at Starbucks

"I'll have a Tall, Extra Hot, Non-fat, Decaf Misto with Pike please."

Good God I sound like such an asswipe when I order my coffee. I wish I could just drink it black. I really don't like Starbucks coffee but it's on my way to work. Shitty Starbucks bought out most of the Diedrich coffees around here and oh how I miss their brew. I just checked their webpage and is it true there are only 4 Diedrich's left in the country!?!?! That's a bunch of BS!! Is Starbucks trying to take over the world? I'm not going there anymore. Dumb stupid Starbucks.

Bring your Home Phone to Work Day

Last night as I was headed upstairs to bed I was carrying a bunch of stuff and I tossed the home phone into my purse because I needed a free hand to carry other things. Today as I'm rummaging through my purse at work trying to locate my nail file, I pull out the damn home phone.

I did this not too long ago and while shopping at Trader Joe's I pulled it out thinking it was my cell phone.

GEEK!

My Aunt Janie

I have to tell you a quick story about my mom's older sister, my aunt Janie. She is quite the character. A few years ago we had a family reunion for all the ladies on my mom's side of the family. We spent a long weekend in Laguna Beach and it was one of my favorite memories since living here. At the time my Aunt Janie lived in North Carolina and it was the first time she was this far away from her beloved terrier, Tiger (named after Tiger Woods, but her dog is female). Her husband, Dan, was in charge of taking care of the dog while she was away and Aunt Janie was worried sick about Tiger. She would call and check in several times a day to makes sure that Tiger was fed, walked, happy, massaged, etc. On the third or fourth day of the trip she called home and there was no answer. She left a message for Dan to call her back right away. An hour or so went by and there was no call so she called back again. She left another message and was starting to get nervous. We all tried to calm and assure her that everything's ok and that he's probably just out walking Tiger. On her 3rd attempt when she couldn't get through she was frantic. After she left her message she hung up the phone and said, "I'm sooo worried!" We told her that we're sure Dan is fine. She then said, "Dan probably fell and is lying dead on the floor and poor Tiger hasn't been fed all day!!!"

Yes, this is my family and I'm proud to admit it.

Momism via telephone

"Ashton Kutner is on Jimmy Kimble tonight."

Golden Retriever Rescue Club

Saturday we went to a charity event for the Golden Retriever Rescue Club of LA. It was great to be surrounded by a bunch of people who all share a love of these amazing beasts.

KBL and I enjoyed snuggling up to the wax waiter...


I took a photo of KBL taking a photo of her and Belov-ED on the big screen...


I had to sneak in a kiss to our lovely waiter who served us wine all night...


It was such a great night spent with fabulous friends for a fantastic cause. What more could you ask for???

We would have loved Achilles, Milo and Wrigley there. We have a play date scheduled in the not so distant future. Time to bake more cookies!!! I better start now, that Achilles is quite the piggy.

Stressed

Sometimes change makes people act like assholes.

Who says Russian Politics aren't fun?!?

Flying Penis

Chumley's snoring

Chumley is snoring so loud right now but I know the second I get up to grab the camera and turn it on he'll wake up. I wish I could record it from the lap top. It's soooooooo cute I can't even handle it! It's more like deep moans but there's quite a range to them. At least 3 different keys. OMG I love this little monster so much! (when he sleeps)

In case anyone wants to move...

Top 100 places to relocate

Incredible video

Who needs drugs when you have this?

Fun cheap products!

SHOES!!!
I got these shoes at Target today for $6.99! I LOVE THEM! They are so cute for gardening or just putzing around this summer and they are very comfortable. You can get them online too: Cute pink shoes. *Disclaimer: Though they are made in China so I'm waiting to develop a flesh eating foot fungus in the very near future. (But they're really so damn cute that it's almost worth losing a toe or two.)

FACIAL CLEANSER!!!
I'm trying to save some money so I opted to try a less expensive facial cleanser than my usual $40+ tube of Trish McEvoy cleanser. About a week ago I bought Neutrogena's Anti-Oxidant Age Reverse Cleanser and so far I really like it. It was on sale for $6.99 and you just can't beat that price. I'm not sure if it really does all the things it claims to do but it lathers up great and cleans your skin well and smells so incredibly good that I look forward to washing my face.


BRONZING CREAM!!!
And while I'm protecting my skin from free radicals and sun damage I've been using this Natural Glow Express Moisturizer from Jergens that works great for a fast, natural looking tan. I bought the medium to tan moisturizer first and I like it for leg color but it's a bit too dark for the neck and decollate so I also got a tube of medium for the upper body. And the price for a tube of this stuff is also $6.99!!!

I just realized that all these products are $6.99. I should change the title of this post to "Fun Cheap Products under $7!" but I'm tired and just want to go to bed. Just had to share a few fantastic bargain buys for summer.

Nitey nite!

"You are Boobs"

Our neighbors had a Diecisiete de Mayo party last night (they couldn't do it on the 5th) and the whole neighborhood was in attendance. There was a ton of food, lots to drink and a bunch of little ones. The youngest, (who is the one about to hit the ground in the hammock mishap photo) is quite the practical joker and loves the fart machine (she calls it "the farter"), fake poo and has already become an expert in prank calls. I swear, she is the ideal child.

She also likes to tell me funny stories or show me funny things that she can do and it's such a crack up. Last night at the party she comes over to me hiding an envelope behind her back. She whispers in my ear (so no one else could hear) "Look what I found." And she hands over the envelope making sure no one else sees it. Written on the front in scribbled child's handwriting are the words "YOU ARE BOOBS". I almost choked on my laughter. I asked her if she wrote it and she shook her head no but started to smile somewhat deviantly. I asked, "Who do you think wrote this?" Without skipping a beat she said, "I'm sure it was one of the boys." I said that maybe she should show her mom and she defiantly shook her head no. I'm guessing she knew her mom would recognize the handwriting right away.

I love this kid.

The Ho is back

Dear Chumley,

This is Beverly.
Mommy’s sleeping.
You want some of this?


You keep your trap shut and it's yours. Wrigley can watch.

Beverly

Save the tree campaign...

Our neighbors asked to keep the stump...





Failed.

I want to move.

This meeting is adjourned.

I just returned from a 2.5 hour home owner's association meeting to SAVE OUR TREE. Right as the meeting was called to order I was the first person asked to speak which totally threw me off guard. But I said my piece with confidence and conviction and right at the end I felt like I could burst into tears. But I held it together. There were some intense and heated moments between some of the homeowners and one of the grumpy old man board members and a couple fellow home owners almost went to blows. I can see where these things can turn violent. I seriously think the majority of people who sit on these boards are law school drop outs. One man spent 20 fricking minutes explaining the construction of flag poles and whether or not they should be attached to the home or free standing. I was ready to suggest another place he could stick a flag pole but somehow I refrained.

There is so much more I could go into on this meeting but I don't want to put you all to sleep. Let's just say there is a committee for every possible thing you can imagine under the sun. Several times I felt pressure to join one of these committees but after seeing how this operation runs I did not put my hand up. I did however want to ask if they could possibly switch to using non scented-biodegradable doggy poop bags but that would have kept us there til midnight so again I refrained.

As for the tree, I will be notified by the end of tonight (the Executive Board is deciding this right now and it's now 9:31) so we'll see. Though I'm pretty certain it's coming down. There were a couple cool board members who appreciated my view point and considerations but I think the lawyers ultimately have control over this because of liability issues.

I'm sure I'll post as soon as I hear. Until then, I've got a vintage Bucklin Cabernet in one hand and a handful of cheese nips in the other. Dinner.

What's next? President???

So today I get a call from our neighborhood's Homeowner's Association asking if I would consider running for the Board. I told the kind gentleman that I would consider it but how could I possibly juggle yet another highly sought after position? First I become a Roomba Advisory Board member, then a Stool Detective and now I may have a seat on the Homeowner's Board? Next thing you know I'll be running for mayor.

Though I'm starting to think my stint on the Roomba Advisory Board is a hoax. But that's for another day.

Now I'm off to SAVE OUR TREE!!!

FYI

If your stamps look like this:


Then you don't need these:


Really wish I would have remembered this before I wasted 7 cents. I also wasted 15 minutes of my life waiting in line at the post office. Dumb stupid stamps.

Out with a bang...

My mom went home today and it was sad to see her off. But while driving to the airport I looked over into a canyon area off the toll roads and saw puffs of white smoke. It appeared to be the start of a wild fire. My sister was driving and between the two of us we both were trying to get a hold of some non-emergency type dispatcher to inform them of the smoke. FYI, 311 didn't work from our cell phones. Maybe it was not available on the stretch of road we were traveling, not quite sure. At any rate we encountered a cluster f*ck of not-in-service phone numbers in our attempt to get a hold of someone in the county. My sister finally got through to the California Highway Patrol and zeroed out until she got an operator. So when I got home I found the number online and programmed it into my cell phone.

Here's a link of the counties for those of you in California and I highly recommend that all of you program your county's information into your phones as well.

California Highway Patrol

You never know when you're going to need it.

Save our Tree

I'm working on a SAVE THE TREE campaign in our town because the city plans on cutting down one of the oldest landmark Eucalyptus trees in the neighborhood. The trees resides on the hillside behind our next door neighbor's house and we have a nice view of it from our study window. I love to watch the branches sway in the wind against the bright blue sky. I've already written a letter to the city and am even attending my first town hall meeting tomorrow night! My neighbor and I are armed with signed petitions and a slew of reasons as to why this tree should not be chopped. The towns people better listen or else I'll go all Erin Brokovich on their asses!!

Tonight after I read my letter/speech to Tom I said I wanted to have a parade and make Save our Tree t-shirts and signs and circle round the tree shouting "SAVE OUR TREE! SAVE OUR TREE!" Tom cringed because he knows he has no choice but to be part of this so I demonstrated what would happen at the parade. Chumley was lying close by so I scooped him up and stomped around the family room chanting "SAVE OUR TREE! SAVE OUR TREE!" with Chums leading the way. Tom buried his face in the couch cushion pleading for me to stop. Of course environmentally conscious Wrigs hops up and grabs a nearby sock on the floor (I didn't clean the house today) and starts prancing behind me and Chum. At least I can count on those two.

And if that doesn't work work I'll have to resort to plan B.

Tom had a bad day...

F*cking Vandals.

What happened Fantasia???

What the hell was Fantasia Barrino's performance about on tonight's American Idol??? I think Simon Cowell's expression sums it all up. (Yes, I actually videotaped it straight off the tv with my camera. It was that disturbing.)

Bitch and Ball Buster Wine

It's good stuff.

My sister likes it too: