"Amazing" word count: 24 times at:
8:09
8:10
8:13
8:14
8:19
8:19 (used in same sentence as 8:19)
8:20
8:24
8:24 (again twice in same sentence)
8:30
(was cooking dinner so I may have missed some here, Tom was on word count duty but I don't think he was really into it)
8:42
8:46
8:47
8:47 (said back to back "Amazing, amazing!")
8:53 (said in the tease to the next segment but, still counts)
9:01
9:09
9:09
9:10
9:10
9:12
9:13
9:14
9:26
MAJOR editing error at the end of the show. Weatherman was shown with a rose in his suit before the final rose was given out. Post editor should be FIRED!
And Frank, the goggle wearing guy should really stick to wearing contacts. And what's with the one guy who had the seeping boil on his forehead at the end of the show. Did you see how Ali tried to avoid head to head contact with his boil? This show is so painful to watch for soooo many reasons but I keep coming back every single week!
Monday, May 31, 2010
an ode to the sun
on sunny days,
the world looks brighter
on sunny days,
your load seems lighter
on sunny days,
you smile at strangers
on sunny days,
you're miles from danger
on sunny days,
your heart's at peace
on sunny days,
you greet honeybees
on sunny days,
you think more clearly
on sunny days,
you love sincerely
on sunny days,
it warms your soul
on sunny days,
mind and body are whole
oh my sunny day,
how I love thee
oh sunny day,
please don't leave me
oh my sunny day,
I bask in your rays
oh sunny day,
the darkness is so far away...
the world looks brighter
on sunny days,
your load seems lighter
on sunny days,
you smile at strangers
on sunny days,
you're miles from danger
on sunny days,
your heart's at peace
on sunny days,
you greet honeybees
on sunny days,
you think more clearly
on sunny days,
you love sincerely
on sunny days,
it warms your soul
on sunny days,
mind and body are whole
oh my sunny day,
how I love thee
oh sunny day,
please don't leave me
oh my sunny day,
I bask in your rays
oh sunny day,
the darkness is so far away...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
it never ends
yet ANOTHER 10 days of this.
You wonder why Seattle has high suicide rates and the highest cases of MS.
Happy F**king Memorial Day weekend.
You wonder why Seattle has high suicide rates and the highest cases of MS.
Happy F**king Memorial Day weekend.
Friday, May 28, 2010
an ode to the sun
on sunny days,
the world looks brighter
on sunny days,
your load seems lighter
on sunny days,
you smile at strangers
on sunny days,
you're miles from danger
on sunny days,
your heart's at peace
on sunny days,
you greet honeybees
on sunny days,
you think more clearly
on sunny days,
you love sincerely
on sunny days,
it warms your soul
on sunny days,
mind and body are whole
oh my sunny day,
how I love thee
oh sunny day,
please don't leave me
on sunny days
there's no more gray
and the darkness is so far away...
the world looks brighter
on sunny days,
your load seems lighter
on sunny days,
you smile at strangers
on sunny days,
you're miles from danger
on sunny days,
your heart's at peace
on sunny days,
you greet honeybees
on sunny days,
you think more clearly
on sunny days,
you love sincerely
on sunny days,
it warms your soul
on sunny days,
mind and body are whole
oh my sunny day,
how I love thee
oh sunny day,
please don't leave me
on sunny days
there's no more gray
and the darkness is so far away...
prison sentence
Hopefully parole will begin somewhere around July 5th.
All I can do is laugh. 50 degree temps at the end of May with non stop rain. And this is normal for this time of year which is boggling because I'm convinced we must be breaking records here. I'm trying to accept the fact that it won't warm up until July and any day you see clear skies before then is just a bonus. I struggle with this mentality everyday. It doesn't have to be this way.
These dark rainy days magnify anything negative in your life by 100. If you are prone to depression, this is not the place to be. It can really f*ck with your head and put you in a fog.
And I can't stop thinking/praying/fundraising for the people and wildlife suffering in the gulf. I dwell in the sadness of that horrible disaster and cry for them. Watching the news and seeing the state of our world on top of living here is enough to put one over the edge.
All I can do is laugh. 50 degree temps at the end of May with non stop rain. And this is normal for this time of year which is boggling because I'm convinced we must be breaking records here. I'm trying to accept the fact that it won't warm up until July and any day you see clear skies before then is just a bonus. I struggle with this mentality everyday. It doesn't have to be this way.
These dark rainy days magnify anything negative in your life by 100. If you are prone to depression, this is not the place to be. It can really f*ck with your head and put you in a fog.
And I can't stop thinking/praying/fundraising for the people and wildlife suffering in the gulf. I dwell in the sadness of that horrible disaster and cry for them. Watching the news and seeing the state of our world on top of living here is enough to put one over the edge.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
beauty buys
I found an at home hair color kit that I really like. It's by Loreal and it's a 2 parter (which is kind of a pain) but you color first, then dry (I just went to bed) and then in the morning I added the highlights. I refuse to pay $120+ dollars for salon treatments because my hair grows so fast that within 2.5 weeks you can already see my roots, visibly. And I always seem to have more breakage after a salon coloring so for $12, this is a great find.
I'm still going bald though, and I got my Joan River Great Hair Day in the mail and I really don't like it. Tom says it looks horrendous and I kind of have to agree with him. It's not a total wash though because the color I ordered - blonde but it's pretty dark, almost brown- is similar to the eyebrow color that I use so I've been using that on my brows and this will probably last me a lifetime. There is propecia in it though so I hope my brows don't grow into bushy caterpillars. This product smells sooooo good, I don't know what's in it to make it smell this way but I like it.
So I seem to have trouble finding the right deodorant. I've tried all sorts of drug store brands and after a while they just don't seem to work. Then I tried this deodorant lotion from Kiehl's and I don't think it's strong enough. Nordstrom always has this Donna Karan Cashemere Mist deodorant at the check outs and today I decided to try it. I think I put too much on, it's a little strong so tomorrow I'll try cutting back and maybe only do one swipe.
Lately my skin has been looking dull and lifeless and after doing some research online and in person, I'm back to using Clinique's 3 step system. What's funny is that I used to use this back in HIGH SCHOOL! The only thing that bugged me was that big bar of soap but now they make a liquid soap in a pump so it's not as messy. The saleslady told me if I keep this up both day and night there will be a VISIBLE difference in less than 3 months. We'll see, between this and going bald, I need all the help I can get.
Oh and one last thing, my big splurge. My hair is very curly which means its very dry due to blow drying and flat ironing, and for my birthday one of my friends bought me a tube of Kerastase conditioner and I was hooked. I used to use their products regularly but stopped cuz they were too expensive. Well this tube lasted about 6 months mostly because I don't wash my hair everyday and I'd also mix in other conditioners about once a week. So I justified the expense if I could make it last 6 months and went to purchase another one. The man at the salon suggested I try this deep conditioning mask instead, and all I can say is WOW. It makes your hair so soft and silky but you have to purchase these products at accredited salons because if you find them at discount stores, ebay or even online retailers, odds are it's not the same product.
Here's an excerpt taken from the Kerastase site: "Kérastase is only available through our website and Kérastase Consultant Salons. When you see Kérastase for sale anywhere else, this is known as diversion. Diverted products can be counterfeit, diluted formulas, or old, expired formulas that may not be safe to use. Contaminated or counterfeit products could cause irritation or even infection."
(I realize the link to the mask above is taken from one of those discount sites but I'm too tired to change that and also there were reviews on the product which I thought were helpful. Regardless it's not cheap but definitely worth it, especially if you can make it last half the year.)
G'night.
I'm still going bald though, and I got my Joan River Great Hair Day in the mail and I really don't like it. Tom says it looks horrendous and I kind of have to agree with him. It's not a total wash though because the color I ordered - blonde but it's pretty dark, almost brown- is similar to the eyebrow color that I use so I've been using that on my brows and this will probably last me a lifetime. There is propecia in it though so I hope my brows don't grow into bushy caterpillars. This product smells sooooo good, I don't know what's in it to make it smell this way but I like it.
So I seem to have trouble finding the right deodorant. I've tried all sorts of drug store brands and after a while they just don't seem to work. Then I tried this deodorant lotion from Kiehl's and I don't think it's strong enough. Nordstrom always has this Donna Karan Cashemere Mist deodorant at the check outs and today I decided to try it. I think I put too much on, it's a little strong so tomorrow I'll try cutting back and maybe only do one swipe.
Lately my skin has been looking dull and lifeless and after doing some research online and in person, I'm back to using Clinique's 3 step system. What's funny is that I used to use this back in HIGH SCHOOL! The only thing that bugged me was that big bar of soap but now they make a liquid soap in a pump so it's not as messy. The saleslady told me if I keep this up both day and night there will be a VISIBLE difference in less than 3 months. We'll see, between this and going bald, I need all the help I can get.
Oh and one last thing, my big splurge. My hair is very curly which means its very dry due to blow drying and flat ironing, and for my birthday one of my friends bought me a tube of Kerastase conditioner and I was hooked. I used to use their products regularly but stopped cuz they were too expensive. Well this tube lasted about 6 months mostly because I don't wash my hair everyday and I'd also mix in other conditioners about once a week. So I justified the expense if I could make it last 6 months and went to purchase another one. The man at the salon suggested I try this deep conditioning mask instead, and all I can say is WOW. It makes your hair so soft and silky but you have to purchase these products at accredited salons because if you find them at discount stores, ebay or even online retailers, odds are it's not the same product.
Here's an excerpt taken from the Kerastase site: "Kérastase is only available through our website and Kérastase Consultant Salons. When you see Kérastase for sale anywhere else, this is known as diversion. Diverted products can be counterfeit, diluted formulas, or old, expired formulas that may not be safe to use. Contaminated or counterfeit products could cause irritation or even infection."
(I realize the link to the mask above is taken from one of those discount sites but I'm too tired to change that and also there were reviews on the product which I thought were helpful. Regardless it's not cheap but definitely worth it, especially if you can make it last half the year.)
G'night.
lately...
...I've been shouting, "HI HOUND!" whenever I let Wrigs in from outside. I know my neighbors heard me this morning.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
dog speak and such *update*
*So I think I'm going to stop feeding Chum the dog food...
found this under the dining room chair. Then in the middle of cleaning this up Chum starts making those awful guttural hurling sounds and he spewed all over the living room. Poor guy. And yesterday when I came home our house smelled soooo bad but I never found the source. I'm thinking it might have been under the dining room table and Wrigs may have gotten to it shortly thereafter.*
-------
"Wrigs doesn't get a C-O-O after a W-A"
Translation:
"Wrigs doesn't get a cookie after going on a walk."
For those of you who have a dog, you understand this is how you have to speak.
After our walk this evening Wrigley ran to the pantry and started barking. Tom opened the door as if to give him a cookie and that's when those words came out. I went on to say that taking Wrigs for a W-A does not warrant a C-O-O because going on a W-A is already a special T-R (T-R is short for treat which is Chumley's buzz word and Chumley was sitting by the pantry next to Wrigs squawking for a morsel as well) and Wrigs only gets C-O-O's as rewards or after a B-A. (bath) Tom says Fine.
And anytime we give one animal a C-O-O or T-R the other will be right there within mili-seconds either barking or bellowing for their fair share. And always after Wrigs has a bath we'll usually give him a few cookies and maybe even a bone and Chumley will sit, waiting for his treat and of course I always give him a few too and Tom will say, "Why does he get any? He didn't do shit!" And it's true, he didn't get a bath and have to sit through a blow dry or nail trim, but still he gets his T-R's.
We also have a slew of other words specific to the animals but I'll save that for another day.
Chum's back on antibiotics (he woke up the other day not wanting to eat so right away I knew something was off) and his appetite has been pretty light. I've tried a couple different foods mixed in with his existing food and finally found something he LOVES. I was telling my sister about it because she has a finicky older cat with some issues so I went to the fridge to grab the can and give her the name.
I said,
"The brand is Halo and it's called Spot's Stew, and I got him the Chicken recipe. It comes in an orange can and there's a dog on the front. Wait. There's a dog on here?!?"
I'm feeding Chum dog food. And of course, he LOVES it.
I found a pic of the food, take a look and see what you think? Look how small the "for dogs" writing is on the left hand side of label. And yes, the fact that there's a big yellow dog smack dab in the middle should have been another clue but really, couldn't they have made the words DOG FOOD a bit bigger? Plus I'm looking for low protein rich foods so the first thing I do is look at the back of the can so really so I wasn't focusing on the label. And the store I purchased this is really small and some of the cat and dog foods are lumped together by brand so this is a mistake anyone could have made, right? But now Chum goes crazy for Spot's Stew so I'll continue to mix it in with his usual food just to keep him eating.
found this under the dining room chair. Then in the middle of cleaning this up Chum starts making those awful guttural hurling sounds and he spewed all over the living room. Poor guy. And yesterday when I came home our house smelled soooo bad but I never found the source. I'm thinking it might have been under the dining room table and Wrigs may have gotten to it shortly thereafter.*-------
"Wrigs doesn't get a C-O-O after a W-A"
Translation:
"Wrigs doesn't get a cookie after going on a walk."
For those of you who have a dog, you understand this is how you have to speak.
After our walk this evening Wrigley ran to the pantry and started barking. Tom opened the door as if to give him a cookie and that's when those words came out. I went on to say that taking Wrigs for a W-A does not warrant a C-O-O because going on a W-A is already a special T-R (T-R is short for treat which is Chumley's buzz word and Chumley was sitting by the pantry next to Wrigs squawking for a morsel as well) and Wrigs only gets C-O-O's as rewards or after a B-A. (bath) Tom says Fine.
And anytime we give one animal a C-O-O or T-R the other will be right there within mili-seconds either barking or bellowing for their fair share. And always after Wrigs has a bath we'll usually give him a few cookies and maybe even a bone and Chumley will sit, waiting for his treat and of course I always give him a few too and Tom will say, "Why does he get any? He didn't do shit!" And it's true, he didn't get a bath and have to sit through a blow dry or nail trim, but still he gets his T-R's.
We also have a slew of other words specific to the animals but I'll save that for another day.
Chum's back on antibiotics (he woke up the other day not wanting to eat so right away I knew something was off) and his appetite has been pretty light. I've tried a couple different foods mixed in with his existing food and finally found something he LOVES. I was telling my sister about it because she has a finicky older cat with some issues so I went to the fridge to grab the can and give her the name.
I said,
"The brand is Halo and it's called Spot's Stew, and I got him the Chicken recipe. It comes in an orange can and there's a dog on the front. Wait. There's a dog on here?!?"
I'm feeding Chum dog food. And of course, he LOVES it.
I found a pic of the food, take a look and see what you think? Look how small the "for dogs" writing is on the left hand side of label. And yes, the fact that there's a big yellow dog smack dab in the middle should have been another clue but really, couldn't they have made the words DOG FOOD a bit bigger? Plus I'm looking for low protein rich foods so the first thing I do is look at the back of the can so really so I wasn't focusing on the label. And the store I purchased this is really small and some of the cat and dog foods are lumped together by brand so this is a mistake anyone could have made, right? But now Chum goes crazy for Spot's Stew so I'll continue to mix it in with his usual food just to keep him eating.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Where is the sun???
While walking Wrigs in my mittens AGAIN this morning, I came up with a little diddy sung to the song, "Where is the Love" by the Black Eyed Peas. Yet another coping mechanism I'm using to survive these gloomy days.
What's wrong with this place, mama
People livin' in their raincoats, mama
I think we're gonna get washed away
Why is it always so wet and gray?
Other places, yeah, they got sunshine
But we still got the clouds here
In the city, by the bay
The darkness, the gray, it won't go away.
But if you crave that thing called sun
Then you need to get out, run baby run!
Cause it doesn't shine too much up here.
Can you handle 58 days a year?
You start to go crazy, you're bound to get irate
Madness sets in and you feel you can't relate
Pop some pills, it'll help you think straight
Sleep in a tanning bed, try to meditate.
But deep down in your soul, you gravitate- to the sun, to the sun.
People freezin', people cryin'
Ground so wet, no sign of dryin'
Can you take away this pain?
Who will ever stop the rain?
Mother Nature, Mother help us
Please before my life is done
'Cause this place has got me questionin'
Where is the sun? (Sun)
Where is the sun (The Sun)
Where is the sun (The Sun)
Where is the sun
The sun, the sun.
It's always the same, the days never change
A perpetual season of gray skies and rain
Makes everything look and feel so wrong
Walkin' around like I just don't belong
When does it stop and just go away?
Why am I still wearing mittens in May?
Sufferin' through these months of gloom
And I hear it's not much better in June.
What happened to Spring does that even exist?
Or is that when the rain becomes more of a mist?
I'm losing myself a bit more each day,
Lost in the darkness, submerged in the gray.
So I ask myself, can I make it through?
Will I wake up tomorrow and not feel as blue?
I just don't know only time will tell
but right now it feels like my personal hell
At war with nature, it's a losing battle
I think I need a break from Seattle.
Where's the sun, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the sun y'all, come on (I don't know)
(I still have to finish it but I'm going to stop now and paint some more things yellow.)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
old time photo
Tom found this pic on ebay of my Dad with his parents reviewing his Cub's contract that he signed while still in college. He was only 20 years old. When he started playing, he would pitch a game, then take a train back to school for exams the next day. As you can imagine, playing pro-ball while in college definitely had some perks. Let's just say he had a lot of fun.
Anyway, I love how my Grandpa's pants are so high on his waist. And it's hard to see but I LOVED the doorknobs in my grandparent's house. They were those heavy beveled glass knobs that were always cool to the touch. Anthropologie makes some cool knobs that are similar. I also love the look of the old tv, even though it's just the edge. Reminds me of "I Love Lucy" or "The Honeymooners".
Crazy Town, Population: 1 (that's me)
Can't stop laughing at the fact that it's May 21 and I was bundled up like an eskimo on our morning walk. It's 45 degrees but with a breeze (it wasn't really windy) but even a slight breeze off the water makes it feel so much colder. I guess I'm reaching a new level of insanity because I find this to be bizarre yet hilarious to be wearing mittens in May. But then people tell me this is not unusual at all. Apparently last summer was a fluke because it typically stays cold through June. I think that's hilarious too.
Going to warm up by the fire now before I start my day!!!
Going to warm up by the fire now before I start my day!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
at war in my dreams
I should really just have a blog devoted to my f*cked up dreams so I can print them out, ship them to a therapist and say, "Deal with this!" I'm really messed up.
Anyway here was a dream from last night that I just need to get out of my head and move on so I can hopefully have a peaceful night's sleep.
Tom and I were cleaning our garage in our house in California. We were getting rid of sooo much stuff and the garage was stark white and empty. A car pulls up and 2 people come out (couldn't even tell if they were male or female) and they were carrying an envelope and a box. They ask for me, I say I'm here and they hand me the stuff and leave. I open the letter and it's orders to report to Iraq. I say to Tom, "Is this a JOKE?" He looks at me all serious and says, "No." In the box is my uniform and he tells me I need to put it on. I put it on in the garage and It's so heavy and bulky and weighs me down. I tell him I need to take it off he says I can't. I cry out, WHAT IS GOING ON? He just stares at me and says, I'm so sorry. Even writing it all out on here, makes me upset. Again, it was sooooo real.
The next thing I know people are driving up to our house one by one saying goodbye. I'm sitting in my empty garage in this wooden booth type thing, almost like a mini lemonade stand in my uniform while friends and family come up to tell me they love me and say goodbye. It was so surreal. I tell them, I AM NOT IN THE MILITARY! HOW AM I GOING TO FIGHT A WAR? And they all have no words, they just hold my hands and tell me they love me.
Then Tom says we have to go. A bus pulls up, he gets on it with me and I have NO luggage and we drive over all these high bridges til it gets dark. He tells me that a boat will pick me up and take me to Iraq and it will only be for ONE WEEK. I say REALLY?? Ok I can do that. He says just be careful. So I get off the bus and see the boat pull up but then my mom shows up (She did not come to the garage to say goodbye) and I run to her and say I don't want to go! She says it's only for a short time and if I follow the rules I will be back home safe. She says this to me but she is crying so hard and her face is so sad and she does not look good. I hold her hands and don't want to let go but the boat is honking a horn (like a car horn) for me to get on. I still hold my mom's hands and as I start to pull away the boat starts to leave. I try to run to catch it but my uniform is sooo heavy and is weighing me down. The captain on the boat shouts through a megaphone that I have to swim to the boat. I start to get into the water and it's sooo cold and since my uniform is so heavy I just sink and am trying so hard to swim but it's not happening. The captain throws me a rope and I grab onto it and finally heave my wet heavy body to the boat. Everyone on the boat looks at me like an alien and tell me the first thing that has to happen is that my hair needs to be cut. I'm soaking wet, cold and I'm told by this mean beefy woman to sit down as she takes out scissors. I'm trying so hard not to cry and be tough but I just kept thinking, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING? She cuts my hair to just below my ears and when I touch my hair I realize, this is really happening. This is not a dream.
It's so jumbly and I can't remember all the things in the right order but for my own purpose of purging this out of my system I will keep going. The next thing I remember after the hair cut was that we were shuffled to this dark room in the belly of the boat and told to sit and watch a video. The video was about the conditions in Iraq and what we would be facing. The first thing it showed were dogs mangled and dying on the streets. And how we would not be allowed to help them. We had to watch them suffer and couldn't even shoot them to put them out of their misery. We had to save our bullets for terrorists. The images on the video were so disturbing and I felt sick. I tried to reach for my cell phone and some other soldier saw me and grabbed it and threw it against the wall. I thought now my family will never know if I'm ok and a girl sitting next to me who looked about 15 years old said, It's ok you could use my phone. Then we were shuffled to cots to sleep for the night because by morning we would be in Iraq.
I didn't sleep (even in my dream) and thought about how the hell did my life end up like this. I thought about Tom, my animals, my family and friends and my comfortable home and all the things I took for granted and how I wished I could just close my eyes and go back. The boat stopped and jerked back and there was a lot of shouting and people running all over. It was still dark but we were told to jump off the boat which was a long way down to the sand and we would get supplies on the land. I jumped off the boat and since it was so dark no one could see me so I started to run away from the group. I ran and found what looked like an old deserted play ground and there was a low chain link fence sticking out of the ground and I sat down and leaned against the fence. I hear some noise rustling to the side and I look to see a big brown dog shuffling on broken and bloodied legs making its way over to me. It's face was mangled and raw but his eyes were expressive and trusting and he struggled to come to me. I moved towards him and when we were inches away he collapsed. It makes me choke up now because this was so sad and overpowering in my dream. I pet his head gently and he moves his eyes to look at me and I can see the whites of his eyes because he is straining to see me and he starts panting heavily while looking right at me. I just kept petting him and told him that I wouldn't leave him. He nudged my hand like Wrigs does when I stop petting him and I thought how all dogs just want to love and be loved no matter where they are and what life has shown them.
It's really foggy and hard to write out all the rest and now I'm getting tired and hoping that I will be able to sleep so I will sign off. But before I do, I will say a pray for all of our soldiers and anyone who is faced in a war situation, no matter what that war may signify.
Anyway here was a dream from last night that I just need to get out of my head and move on so I can hopefully have a peaceful night's sleep.
Tom and I were cleaning our garage in our house in California. We were getting rid of sooo much stuff and the garage was stark white and empty. A car pulls up and 2 people come out (couldn't even tell if they were male or female) and they were carrying an envelope and a box. They ask for me, I say I'm here and they hand me the stuff and leave. I open the letter and it's orders to report to Iraq. I say to Tom, "Is this a JOKE?" He looks at me all serious and says, "No." In the box is my uniform and he tells me I need to put it on. I put it on in the garage and It's so heavy and bulky and weighs me down. I tell him I need to take it off he says I can't. I cry out, WHAT IS GOING ON? He just stares at me and says, I'm so sorry. Even writing it all out on here, makes me upset. Again, it was sooooo real.
The next thing I know people are driving up to our house one by one saying goodbye. I'm sitting in my empty garage in this wooden booth type thing, almost like a mini lemonade stand in my uniform while friends and family come up to tell me they love me and say goodbye. It was so surreal. I tell them, I AM NOT IN THE MILITARY! HOW AM I GOING TO FIGHT A WAR? And they all have no words, they just hold my hands and tell me they love me.
Then Tom says we have to go. A bus pulls up, he gets on it with me and I have NO luggage and we drive over all these high bridges til it gets dark. He tells me that a boat will pick me up and take me to Iraq and it will only be for ONE WEEK. I say REALLY?? Ok I can do that. He says just be careful. So I get off the bus and see the boat pull up but then my mom shows up (She did not come to the garage to say goodbye) and I run to her and say I don't want to go! She says it's only for a short time and if I follow the rules I will be back home safe. She says this to me but she is crying so hard and her face is so sad and she does not look good. I hold her hands and don't want to let go but the boat is honking a horn (like a car horn) for me to get on. I still hold my mom's hands and as I start to pull away the boat starts to leave. I try to run to catch it but my uniform is sooo heavy and is weighing me down. The captain on the boat shouts through a megaphone that I have to swim to the boat. I start to get into the water and it's sooo cold and since my uniform is so heavy I just sink and am trying so hard to swim but it's not happening. The captain throws me a rope and I grab onto it and finally heave my wet heavy body to the boat. Everyone on the boat looks at me like an alien and tell me the first thing that has to happen is that my hair needs to be cut. I'm soaking wet, cold and I'm told by this mean beefy woman to sit down as she takes out scissors. I'm trying so hard not to cry and be tough but I just kept thinking, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING? She cuts my hair to just below my ears and when I touch my hair I realize, this is really happening. This is not a dream.
It's so jumbly and I can't remember all the things in the right order but for my own purpose of purging this out of my system I will keep going. The next thing I remember after the hair cut was that we were shuffled to this dark room in the belly of the boat and told to sit and watch a video. The video was about the conditions in Iraq and what we would be facing. The first thing it showed were dogs mangled and dying on the streets. And how we would not be allowed to help them. We had to watch them suffer and couldn't even shoot them to put them out of their misery. We had to save our bullets for terrorists. The images on the video were so disturbing and I felt sick. I tried to reach for my cell phone and some other soldier saw me and grabbed it and threw it against the wall. I thought now my family will never know if I'm ok and a girl sitting next to me who looked about 15 years old said, It's ok you could use my phone. Then we were shuffled to cots to sleep for the night because by morning we would be in Iraq.
I didn't sleep (even in my dream) and thought about how the hell did my life end up like this. I thought about Tom, my animals, my family and friends and my comfortable home and all the things I took for granted and how I wished I could just close my eyes and go back. The boat stopped and jerked back and there was a lot of shouting and people running all over. It was still dark but we were told to jump off the boat which was a long way down to the sand and we would get supplies on the land. I jumped off the boat and since it was so dark no one could see me so I started to run away from the group. I ran and found what looked like an old deserted play ground and there was a low chain link fence sticking out of the ground and I sat down and leaned against the fence. I hear some noise rustling to the side and I look to see a big brown dog shuffling on broken and bloodied legs making its way over to me. It's face was mangled and raw but his eyes were expressive and trusting and he struggled to come to me. I moved towards him and when we were inches away he collapsed. It makes me choke up now because this was so sad and overpowering in my dream. I pet his head gently and he moves his eyes to look at me and I can see the whites of his eyes because he is straining to see me and he starts panting heavily while looking right at me. I just kept petting him and told him that I wouldn't leave him. He nudged my hand like Wrigs does when I stop petting him and I thought how all dogs just want to love and be loved no matter where they are and what life has shown them.
It's really foggy and hard to write out all the rest and now I'm getting tired and hoping that I will be able to sleep so I will sign off. But before I do, I will say a pray for all of our soldiers and anyone who is faced in a war situation, no matter what that war may signify.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
this is a...what???
Today at the senior center we were sending "test emails" and I use a big projector screen in the front of the classroom that the seniors refer to while they sit at their desktop stations. I was showing them how to compose emails to someone in their contact list and in the subject field I started to write "this is a test" however, I was a key off in my typing and accidentally wrote:
"THIS IS A TEAT"
which was projected on the big screen for all to see.
I also use pics of Chum and Wrigs as attachments when I show them how to open image files and I snapped a pic of Wrigs on the big screen:
And as you can see to the side I already put up their pics on the day we learned how to print.
I have so many more stories to share but Tom just poured some lemoncello so I don't think I'll get to it right at the moment.
p.s. one of my students rides in on a hover round.
"THIS IS A TEAT"
which was projected on the big screen for all to see.
I also use pics of Chum and Wrigs as attachments when I show them how to open image files and I snapped a pic of Wrigs on the big screen:
And as you can see to the side I already put up their pics on the day we learned how to print.
I have so many more stories to share but Tom just poured some lemoncello so I don't think I'll get to it right at the moment.
p.s. one of my students rides in on a hover round.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Time for new pet food
This really stinks.
Now our pet's food can be filled with by-products and harmful fillers just like our own! No thanks. Also, P&G condones harsh animal testing so, no way in hell would I trust them to make my animal's food or give them any more money. It really sucks because we were loyal EVO customers for both Chum and Wrigs.
Orijen, based out of Alberta Canada sounds like a possible alternative.
Now our pet's food can be filled with by-products and harmful fillers just like our own! No thanks. Also, P&G condones harsh animal testing so, no way in hell would I trust them to make my animal's food or give them any more money. It really sucks because we were loyal EVO customers for both Chum and Wrigs.
Orijen, based out of Alberta Canada sounds like a possible alternative.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
hairline pics
this is one of the receding parts on my right side.
and this morning when I awoke at my usual time of 3:30 am, an infomercial for this product was playing so I ordered it.
I'm glad this product exists, but I'm not exactly jumping for joy that Joan Rivers and I share similar female pattern baldness issues.
My hair is coming out in clumps from that side and if this keeps up, I will be bald by the fall.
(p.s. i found the product cheaper on this site.)
and this morning when I awoke at my usual time of 3:30 am, an infomercial for this product was playing so I ordered it.
I'm glad this product exists, but I'm not exactly jumping for joy that Joan Rivers and I share similar female pattern baldness issues.
My hair is coming out in clumps from that side and if this keeps up, I will be bald by the fall.
(p.s. i found the product cheaper on this site.)
true story
Sometimes when I speak to my animals they talk back to me in English accents. It's so funny. I wish I could record it on film.
Seniors say the darndest things...
Funny moments from class:
I was showing the seniors how to navigate Google earth and we zoomed right into the senior center as close as we could go and everyone oohed and ahhed and couldn't get over it. Then one of the new students raised her hand and asked, "Can you please zoom into the parking lot because I'm afraid I'll get a parking ticket. I'm passed the time limit." I LOVE this woman. I told her that google isn't THAT far advanced yet but that is a GREAT idea for the future.
There's also a new woman who is PETRIFIED of computers. We talked during the break and she said her father was verbally abusive to her when she would try to learn new things and didn't quite pick them up right away. Computers have always intimidated her and she has shied away from them for decades. So now here she is facing her biggest fear and I'm so proud of her. I said, the worst part is already behind you, you make the decision to show up to every class and the fact that you're here shows tremendous courage. I let her know that she can learn at her own pace and if she ever feels frustrated or anxious, she can take a break and walk away or if need be, curse out loud - whatever it takes to help her relieve stress will be ok. She's only had 2 classes and is already becoming so comfortable and at ease. I love seeing that!
I was showing the seniors how to navigate Google earth and we zoomed right into the senior center as close as we could go and everyone oohed and ahhed and couldn't get over it. Then one of the new students raised her hand and asked, "Can you please zoom into the parking lot because I'm afraid I'll get a parking ticket. I'm passed the time limit." I LOVE this woman. I told her that google isn't THAT far advanced yet but that is a GREAT idea for the future.
There's also a new woman who is PETRIFIED of computers. We talked during the break and she said her father was verbally abusive to her when she would try to learn new things and didn't quite pick them up right away. Computers have always intimidated her and she has shied away from them for decades. So now here she is facing her biggest fear and I'm so proud of her. I said, the worst part is already behind you, you make the decision to show up to every class and the fact that you're here shows tremendous courage. I let her know that she can learn at her own pace and if she ever feels frustrated or anxious, she can take a break and walk away or if need be, curse out loud - whatever it takes to help her relieve stress will be ok. She's only had 2 classes and is already becoming so comfortable and at ease. I love seeing that!
Bowling with Dumps
You've seen Chum's litter arrangement no? Well in one corner of our living room we have 5 litter boxes clustered on top of a little sofa and ottoman. Supposed to help his pee obsession on that particular sofa but of course, he doesn't just pee in there and he basically gave up using his other litter box in the laundry room completely. So these boxes are always full and every morning I empty the clumps and dumps into a baggie and we have this long hallway from the living room that goes to the back door of the house so I wind up and bowl the bag o'dumps down the hallway. If the dumps hit the door, no good. If they land before the floor mat, no good. But, if they land on top of the floor mat without hitting the door??? STeeeeeeeeeRIKE!!!
It's little slices of magic like this, that keep me from going insane.
It's little slices of magic like this, that keep me from going insane.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Losing it - "it" being, my hair.
I knew my hair had been thinning a bit in the last year but I didn't realize how bad until today when I got my hair cut. I went to a Budget cuts *walk-ins: $14.95* cuz I could give a rat's ass who cuts my rat's nest and while the hair dresser was separating my hair into clips she said "You must really over process this area" and gestured to the right side of my head with her comb. Then she spun my chair a bit and showed me the side of my head in the mirror. I shit you not, I'm bald. I just sat there in shock and mouthed "OH. MY. GOD." Then she said, "It's pretty sparse on the other side too but not as bad as this." Seriously, this woman should quit her job and become a motivational speaker. Way to brighten one's day, budget cutter.
Anyway, I'm way too vain to take a pic of my actual barren scalp so instead, I'll show you the closest thing I could find:
Now I'm using this Man shampoo that's supposed to boost hair follicle growth at the scalp and strengthen the existing shaft. Does that mean I'll grow a penis too?
Already, I foresee 2 problems with this treatment:
1) It smells like athlete's foot powder (don't ask how I know that too)
and
2) I need to wash my hair daily.
Sorry but daily hair washing does not fit into the whore's bath category. Then Tom flat out tells me that he's not a fan of this new regime and thinks if I get any shampoo on my skin I'll sprout hairs all over my body (and I quote) "[he] did not marry a wooly mammoth!"
This should be interesting.
While I'm writing this now Tom's in bed next to me and Chumley jumps up to lay on his chest. Before he lays down he stands on his chest for a few seconds just getting his bearings and Tom says all serious, "Chumley, you know I don't like asses in my face." Good to know. Who says after 12 years you don't learn something new everyday?
Ok I just sprayed myself with the scalp treatment and the side of my head feels all crackly like it's shriveling up. Weird. It's tingly then crackly again when I raise my eyebrows. I feel like I have rice krispies in my brain.
Anyway, I'm way too vain to take a pic of my actual barren scalp so instead, I'll show you the closest thing I could find:
Now I'm using this Man shampoo that's supposed to boost hair follicle growth at the scalp and strengthen the existing shaft. Does that mean I'll grow a penis too?
Already, I foresee 2 problems with this treatment:
1) It smells like athlete's foot powder (don't ask how I know that too)
and
2) I need to wash my hair daily.
Sorry but daily hair washing does not fit into the whore's bath category. Then Tom flat out tells me that he's not a fan of this new regime and thinks if I get any shampoo on my skin I'll sprout hairs all over my body (and I quote) "[he] did not marry a wooly mammoth!"
This should be interesting.
While I'm writing this now Tom's in bed next to me and Chumley jumps up to lay on his chest. Before he lays down he stands on his chest for a few seconds just getting his bearings and Tom says all serious, "Chumley, you know I don't like asses in my face." Good to know. Who says after 12 years you don't learn something new everyday?
Ok I just sprayed myself with the scalp treatment and the side of my head feels all crackly like it's shriveling up. Weird. It's tingly then crackly again when I raise my eyebrows. I feel like I have rice krispies in my brain.
life with animals
Chumley eats grease.
Grease = explosion.
Wrigley eats explosions.
Explosions = blow out.
The circle of life.
Grease = explosion.
Wrigley eats explosions.
Explosions = blow out.
The circle of life.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
S.A.D
There's a saying in Chicago that goes, "If you want the weather to change, wait 5 minutes." Have you heard of it? Well I came up with a saying for Seattle that goes something like, "If you want the weather to change, wait 5 months."
Apparently I need to change that to 8 months.
It's no wonder I've finally hit my breaking point after 1.5 years.
Question is. What the fuck do I do from October to May???
I've been overcome with gray, I feel it in my chest, swirling in my head, pushing down on my shoulders. I wake up choking on it and I feel like I'm wearing a dark sheet over my face. When I finally sleep (which isn't much thanks to my stupid UV light) I dream in vibrant colors, blues and golds and sparkly colors that don't even seem to exist in this dimension. And I bask in these moments, I feel the warmth on my skin while in this dream state, then always, something dark takes over, whether it's a wave of sludgy mud that covers my entire body or I could be running on a warm white sand beach and then the ground in front of me opens up and swallows me alive filling up my nose with dark gray sand so I can't breathe and again I'm waking up gasping for air. In last night's dream, I had this colorful plushy towel covered in bright flowers that I snapped with my wrists to lay along the beach and actual glittery butterflies popped off and swirled around my head, landing in my hair. I saw their faces up close, they were tiny, like pixies but detailed with bright shiny blue eyes and white lashes. I see it so clearly and I may attempt to draw them because they are friendly and comforting when I revisit the image in my mind. I settle in on my towel and watch as the waves loll against the shore while the sand sparkles in the brightness of the sun. I tell myself to stay here, don't move, don't change one thing because I can't allow this scene to end. I just want to stay here as long as I can and enjoy the warmth, the sun, this life. And then, here it comes, black clouds over the water, hovering slowly at first and then spreading over the length of the horizon in no time. All at once, the sun is gone the winds pick up and the rain comes down like bullets on my bare skin and I grab my towel which is now soaking wet and heavy and try to run for cover. I have to leave the towel behind because it's too heavy and that makes me sad because moments ago it was full of color and vibrancy and as it drops to the wet sand it looks like a dead walrus, all dark and wet like a blob. I'm left to run alone in the cold rain in the dark until the waves finally catch up to me, knocking me down, filling my nostrils, my mouth and lungs til I can no longer breathe.
I don't want to wake up to this anymore.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Whistler recap
So the 2nd day into our Whistler trip, our pet sitter/dear friend/angel in my life, called to say that there was a bit of a problem. Chum's throne, which dominates the left side our living room, contains 4 open litter boxes because lately, he has not liked using the hooded ones. Well open air litter boxes = Wrigley's-snack-time-free-for-all. Turns out Wrigs got REALLY sick, so sick that our pet sitter was going to take him to Urgent Care. After talking to her and then freaking out because we were 5+hours away, Tom and I kept thinking about what possibly could have made him sick - there were 7 piles of pet messes in the living room alone. Then it dawned on me. I asked her how many dumps had she seen in Chum's boxes and she said none, just pee clumps. So there was the reason. Wrigs was quite sick on Saturday and Saturday night but started to improve on Sunday. She barricaded Chum's area with our kitchen bar stools to keep Wrigs out. And yes, he still tries to get in there. So welcome to our living room:
Now for some fun pics. This is in the little town of Whistler village. It's seriously Smurf village on crack and if you love to ski or don't love skiing, it's a really cute place to visit. My Dad lived in Vancouver for 2 years and my mom and I spent a summer up there and drove to Whistler in July to ski! There is year round skiing on the glacier which boggles my mind. I was only 16 at the time and didn't really appreciate/care about the beauty of the place and it was cold and dank and I just wanted to get away from my parents. So I'm glad I got a chance to go back and see it again with a different perspective.
Tom's been here before too (about 8 years ago) but he swears this time was MUCH MORE fun, especially watching me crawl down the mountain. Ok in my defense, we did actually ski together for almost 5 hours on Saturday, after my blue run melt down. I enjoyed skiing the top of the mountain better because the snow wasn't as slushy but as we started to come down it was so choppy and wet and I fell at least 10 times. And for some reason I tend to fall forward and after my 2nd face plant I realized I'm done with skiing. It's now 5 days later and I'm still sore. Anyway I digress, here's Tom enjoying a hot tea!
And we got this hot mess from an outdoor village vendor. It's called poutine and we added spicy jalapeno sausage to ours (way to test Canadian plumbing) and it was delicious. We also did like the natives and paired it with some Canadian Molson. Or is it Molson Canadian? I don't know. BUT- I do know that we beat the hotel system. How? Well we raided the hotel bar one night and drank 4 Molson's for $24. The next day we hit the liquor store and bought a case for $20 and put back the 4 and drank the rest! No dumb Americans here.
Oh and this was after a night of sushi/sake/Japanese whiskey. I felt the need to do a hand stand (first one on Canadian soil) and thankfully my painfully bruised right wrist - from slamming into another snow bank- same exact thing happened last year!- didn't give out.
Ok I LOVE this pic of Tom. It reminds me of a crazy author's photo (like Stephen King) in the back of a book jacket. But here Tom's just drinking tea and I like to call him the tea toteler when he drinks tea cause he doesn't like coffee.
Here are some mountain shots on the slopes:
Those are Tom's skis and this photo makes my stomach flip. Plus he skied down this hill with our not so small camera inside his ski jacket.
Just to get an idea of the elevation:
Yeah, I'm not a fan of skiing next to rocks and cliffs. These little orange dots aren't much help to me.
Pretty cool rock formations:
However, straight down drop if you keep skiing over the edge:
This pic makes me crap my pants. Tom skied double blacks (fell once) and also skied some moguls. This trip solidified the fact that I have NO desire to ever attempt such feats and if his dreams of doing such things together are now crushed well, then, he should've married Picabo Street.Ok, it's cinco de Mayo and now I need to put a fire on.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
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