Thursday, January 10, 2008

F*ck Productivity

My back is out. I'm in a LOT of pain right now and I need to bitch so here I am. I may just end up deleting this post because I'm in one hell of a mood right now. This f*cking dog pissed me off sooo much today. I haven't been able to take him on many walks around the lake because this asshole pulls me all over the place. We've mostly been walking throughout the neighborhood along the little trails and paths. But STUPID ASS me, started walking around with lake with him again because my back was starting to feel a bit stronger. Yesterday I took him about half way, (well actually 1/4 of the way and then we turned around making it half way) and aside from my sunglasses falling off my head into his steaming shit pile, it wasn't a bad walk. Then today I was going to try for a full walk around. Well that turned out to be a cluster f*ck of an idea. We weren't even 50 yards when we encountered our first round of trouble. A couple was walking their 2 Yorkies each the size of Wrigley's snout, WITHOUT LEASHES!! I put Wrigley in a "sit-stay" as they were approaching AND had my foot on his leash as well as a vice grip with BOTH hands on the other end of the leash, patiently waiting for this gaggle of fools to pass. Well the Yorkies bum rushed Wrigs and were jumping all around him while he was thrashing all over the place jarring my back and neck with each pull. The couple just STOOD there and the guy said, "He wants to play!" No shit sherlock. What else is he going to do when 2 little dogs the size of tacos are jumping all over his face. I asked the man in between body contortions "Can you PLEASE call your dogs away???" I wanted to add, "perhaps leashes might be helpful" or something like that but I was focused on holding back Wrigs. They all finally went on their way and after a few stretches I continued to walk. I should have turned around and went home but I NEEDED this walk too so I wanted to keep going.

We walk a few more steps and Wrigs takes his monster sized dump. I pick it up, walk a few more feet to the trash and that's when I see the next dog headed our way. This dog was some sort of lab/pit mix, really big and stocky and Wrigs instantly lays down on the ground when he spots big dogs. Again I step on his leash, tell him to stay and hope that the woman walking this dog gets a clue and will keep on moving. Of course she doesn't. Her dog charges up to Wrigs and she can't hold her back. Her dog is viciously growling but she kept saying, "Oh she's really friendly, she just growls like that around new dogs. Don't worry she won't hurt your dog." I tell her that "I can't keep a good grip on my dog because I hurt my back" and just then there's a loud "pop". That would be my disc. I SCREAM AT WRIGLEY and I SHAKE HIS HEAD and I KNOW it's not his fault but I was in mind numbing pain and I just lost it. The woman is apologizing profusely, I know she heard the pop, and kept saying, "It's not his fault! I'm sooo sorry! My dog got him worked up! Oh I'm so sorry!" I seriously think she thought I was going to beat my dog to death on the sidewalk. I snapped at the lady and then felt tears coming on (due to the pain as well as frustration) and told her to just keep walking. I know I completely lost my temper and should not have reacted that way but sometimes it happens. All I can say is that this will be the last walk we take together along the lake.

I had to hobble back home and even in the neighborhood the damn dog kept pulling so I just let go of his leash. He did stay pretty close to me but I was so over trying to contain him. When we got to my house I opened the gate and my little duck friend who visits from the lake was sitting by the laundry room door. THANK GOD I was not holding the leash because Wrigley sprinted sooooooo fast to get this duck and even though he never managed to get him into his mouth he did trip the duck and roll on top of him and the duck SHIT all over Wrigley. I was SCREAMING for Wrigs to LEAVE IT but he was in "retriever zone". The duck finally managed to fly up in the air and then shot through the slats of the backyard fence while Wrigs was still in a barking frenzy trying to stick his big nose through the fence.

When I came inside I just left Wrigs in the laundry room with the door closed because my back was too sore to try and clean off the duck shit. And let me just say, fresh duck shit looks like creamed spinach. So I left him in there for a while until I heard his metal tags banging into the cat box which meant he was chomping away at Chumley's dumps. With a now throbbing back I managed to scrub off most of the duck shit with a wet towel (there's no way I could have given Wrigs a bath) and I used a paper towel to wipe away the clumps of wet litter off his teeth. And I hate to admit it but I do this on a pretty consistent basis. Though it's disgusting and makes me gag, I've become used to it.

So since it's after 5 now, I'll pour myself a glass of wine. Depending on the level of pain once I stand erect, I may cook or it may just be a frozen pie for tonight.

Sorry for all the bitchin but I needed to vent. It doesn't help with the pain but it does diffuse some frustration and anger. Maybe I'll just turn this into my bitch blog and just piss, moan and scream all the time. Today would be a good day to start because I'm pmsing. Oh my God I just realized that the abbreviation for Piss, Moan and Scream is PMS! HA! LOL! I may just have to make a PMS blog.


Anonymous said...

OMG! I am sorry you hurt your back and are in pain! I have tears running down my face though from laughing so hard at the way you re-told it. Have you ever used a prong-collar to walk him, or a gentle leader? Hope the wine helps!

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN said...

Awww, I'm so sorry girlie! I don't think I would have reacted any differently if I were you. The two of you are pretty much the same weight, except he has the pull and force of four legs and a lower center of gravity. I don't know what the answer is until Wrigs is old enough so that he mellows out. The only thing I can think of is what we discussed about doggie day care a couple of times per week, or hiring a hot ass college student to exercise the fuck out of him every other day. Ha ha ha!

I hope your back feels better soon. The tale was told in a fabulously funny manner and it gave me much needed laughter right now. As for Wrigs, the reason we love dogs so much is because their love is unfailing and endless. They absolutely do not have a memory for days like today, thank God for our wretched human souls, no? :-) Wrigs lives to love you and make you happy.

Hope the wine helped out some. Any of the Sofia left? I'm going to get two or three more bottles this weekend. Or four. Tee hee.

Karyn said...

Who you callin' taco?


Karyn said...

Feel better!


Bridget said...

I'm sorry about your back! Are you feeling any better today? Your story was so funny to read though the way you described everything! Dudley pulls hard too when he meets another dog, sometimes it really bothers my wrists. I didn't figure that out until one time after he pulled so hard and then the next time we went for a walk and he pulled again, it was like ouch!

Yesterday we were on our driveway and I had him on a leash and saw another dog, I tried so hard to keep a hold on him, but our drivesway is like a sheet of ice and he was just dragging me along, so I had to let go...or that could have ended a whole lot worse! He eats our cats poop too..what is up with that?? Yuck, it's so disgusting! Hope you feel better!

Mary Beth said...

I hope you feel better soon! Ahh - the joy and pain of having pets!

ChiTown Girl said...

Thank GOD Buster doesn't do that. We had our weekly vet appt. today, and little Mr. Buster ain't so little anymore! Since our last appt. two weeks ago, he's gained another 6 pounds! Since I first brought him there a little over 2 years ago, he's gained 16 pound!! They actually drew blood today to check his thyroid. Only I would have a dog with a thyroid issue!! The vet wants him to start eating Purina Fit 'N Trim! Good grief! Maybe I'll eat it too, and we can both diet together!

Speaking of diets, Lex is now up to a 26 pound weight loss. I'm SOOO proud of him!