Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Freakshow at the Food Store

I finally felt strong enough to venture out of my house today, and shop for some healthy food like fruits/veggies/wine, etc. As soon as I entered the store I was greeted by this overly friendly dude at a demo table wearing what looked like Blublockers. He asked me if I would be interested in a drawing to win a free bag of groceries (who wouldn't?) so I said of course and filled out all my personal information (full name, address, phone numbers.) Then, after I handed him my information he asked me what newspaper I read. I told him I don't read or subscribe to newspapers, I prefer to save trees. Then he asked where I get my daily news? Um, hello??? There's this crazy box called a TELEVISION and an even CRAZIER tool called the INTERNET!?!?! I didn't really put it like that but I did tell him that I typically read the Drudge Report online for news. For the most part, they are non biased and agenda free. He then went into his monologue about the benefits and savings I'll incur if I sign up for the OC Register: I'd get 5 Sundays free and blah blah blahbity blah blah. I wanted to grab my contact card from his grip because now I'm certain I'll end up on some ridiculous junk mail/solicitation list.

I told him as politely as I could that I just wasn't interested so I guess I won't be waltzing out of here with a cart full of freebies. Then he tried to sell me on the Orange County coupon book and "if I sign up today I could save $10" or something like that and "really you should take a look at how many new restaurants and services are featured this year" and more blah blah blah BS. When he finally took a breath I cut him off and let him know that my big burly husband already gets this book and it's sitting in the back seat of my car as we speak. Of course he's well versed in every excuse known to man so he replies with "Well, you could always give this away as a gift to someone else?" Are you f*cking kidding me??? Who the hell would want that??? "Happy Birthday Mom, here's your Orange County coupon guide. Woops! I forgot you live in Illinois!" Seriously guy, give it up. I finally just said that I'm sorry I'm really not interested in buying anything but a few things to eat since I've been sick with this horrible flu for the last week. I added a few meaty coughs at the end and he smiled and sent me on my way. Just one of the few perks that comes along with a chest full o' mucus.


ChiTown Girl said...

Gee, now why couldn't THAT cough have produced a run-away phlemball?

Peter said...

This is why I don't talk to people who want to talk to me.


THEM: Excuse me, cou...
ME: No. *Keeping on walking*

Or maybe instead of "no" I just nod my head and furrow my brow.

Learned it in NY. It works really well in Chicago too.