I was a mean little sister.

I'm having the seniors put together a book about their life, something they can pass along to their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. They're writing about significant moments, people, and memories that have shaped who they are today. This is something we can all start doing now, why wait til our golden years? I'm doing my own book and will share a brief chapter on terrorizing my sister.

I have a sister named Beth who is 7 years older than me - that's a big difference when you're growing up. While I was cutting the hair off my Barbies, she'd come home hammered from a night out with friends and pass out in her bed. My parents would get so upset and my mom would purposely vacuum her room at 7:00 the next morning, slamming the vacuum into her bed while Beth's trying her best not to hurl. Her punishment would be to stay in her room, no TV, no phone and I'd shove graham crackers or saltines under her door, anything that was flat enough to fit because she needed to eat. I can totally remember sliding a graham cracker half way under and then it would disappear in a flash as she swiped it from the other side. Then I'd hear munching and she'd say in a meek voice, "more." I used to torment my sister, not sure why, she was really good to me. She was scared to death of bugs (and of course, still is) and some mornings while she was asleep (hungover) I'd crawl in her room and leave a trail of fake ants across her bedroom floor, marching them into a giant glob under her bed straight down from her pillow. I would even put some food in the middle (like a cracker crumb) to make it look they were falling all over each other trying to feast and then I'd sneak into her room and scream, "OH MY GOD!" and point at the trail. She'd shoot out of bed like the house was on fire and she'd swear at the top of her lungs, "HOLY F*CKING SH*T LAURA!! WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT???" I'd burst out laughing then she'd fall back into bed trying to get her breathing under control while telling me I have serious problems. Sometimes I would do this with cockroaches and spiders too. We had a lot of fake bugs around the house, thanks to my Dad. Another time when she was laying out in our front yard (because our back yard was too shaded we were not exhibitionists) I snuck out of the house in my Dad's trench coat, big rubber boots and wore panty hose over my face so it was all distorted and then put on a big black hat with black leather man gloves. She was laying on the lawn chair, eyes closed, listening to music when I suddenly appeared over her with a growl approaching her neck like I was going to strangle her. She let out a blood curdling scream and just froze in place - didn't even try to run away. I fell to the ground in fits of laughter while she tried to catch her breath, again cursing my name and telling me I need to get serious help. That would make me laugh even harder. One of my favorite times though was when she was out way past curfew and my parents were asleep and didn't know. I turned her tv on in the bedroom so there was dim flickering light and put one of my Dad's big outdoor gloves on a bended hanger sticking out of her closet door and then I went to my room and waited. A bit later, I heard her quietly tip toeing up the stairs (we had a couple squeaky steps so you had to go very slow and know just where to put your feet) and then two seconds later, I hear the scream. I hid under my covers laughing and then felt bad because my Dad woke up thinking someone broke in the house and when he realized what happened, my sister got punished for coming home late. I felt bad about that but made it up to her by shoving crackers under the door the next morning.

I'm lucky she still talks to me.


(My Dad looks like a giant in this photo. I think our furniture was just really small. And I'm not so sure about the fit of his pants. Gotta love the 70's!)