Thursday, June 25, 2009

mom mail

I'd like to blog about something that I can only refer to as "mom mail". Mom mail comes to me in the form of a sweet little card with smiling cartoon puppies, only to house various articles on "how to survive an anthrax attack" or "woman strangled while riding escalator in long scarf". Here are just a few that I came across while sorting through boxes and tubs of cards and notes since we moved. Will it ever end?!

Often times, she'll scribble little notes around the xeroxed page (my mom also sends these alerts to my sister and cousins)

(FYI, my mom always told me NEVER to put my head under water in a hot tub because my hair would get sucked into the drain resulting in a slow, tortuous death)

(this is good to know seeing we love to pot poisonous plants in and around our home)

The best is when she adds a personal "I know someone who" tidbit onto the page. For example:

Surgery on the leg for strep??? Hmmm. I don't question anymore. I just tell her thanks for the info and myself and my legs will stay away from potential strep carriers.

Oh and then when we moved to S. Cal in '03, my mom sent me this article along with a card detailing that we MUST AVOID DRIVING ON THE 405 AT ALL TIMES!!! She envisioned snipers hiding on the roadside, shooting at cars left and right. (Ok, so she's kind of got a point here.)

And apparently my mom would like us to stop eating fish. I thought fish was good for you?!?!?!

Oh but blueberries are still ok to eat. Phew. I just had some with breakfast this morning.

But I guess I shouldn't have put on any mascara or lipstick. I feel an itchy rash coming on now!

And in case Chumley ever decides to hop a flight he better steer clear of the cockpit:

Seriously this is just too much to think about. It hurts my head. Time for a drink. But not to worry mom - I'll skip the aspirin...


Anonymous said...

Your mom and mine must read the same circulars, ahem -- I mean newspapers.

The most gruesome one my mom ever gave me was about a girl who sat on an uncovered pool drain that sucked out her innards. The message was to not let my kids sit at the bottom of a swimming pool with no drain. My kids were an infant and toddler at the time. I believe if they sat at the bottom of a pool (!), the drain would suck their entire bodies down.

My mom didn't find my response funny.

Smileygirl said...

I remember that story it happened in Minnesota!!! Yes, I think our mothers were cut from the same cloth. But not with very sharp scissors cuz that could injure someone.

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN 2 LUV said...

Priceless. Simply priceless.

At least your mom is thinking of you and loves you so much that she doesn't want anything to happen to you.

Ed's mom recently mailed him the menu for Pepe's Pizza in Connecticut...his favorite pizza since childhood. No reason other than to taunt him. Evil!

Kate said...

Oh gosh - too funny! I laughed out loud and almost spit out my apple when reading about the cat in the cockpit! : )

Erin said...

Oh my gosh! Your mom is hilarious. I think she is super neat!

Anonymous said...

Your mom needs to start her own mom blog with news of the weird. My mother does this too. But she wont send the clippings. She e mails links or tells you about it.

Catherine said...

This is just cute beyond belief. I love hearing about the Momisms, too! My father-in-law does the same thing :)

Anonymous said...

Check out the current issue of Real Simple magazine. There is an article about this very thing...

Anonymous said...

Moms. We all have one. :-)

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

This totally made my day. I have tears streaming down my face I'm laughing so hard!

Will you tell my mom that I love her, and she made my day? If she ever wants to send me some newspaper cutouts, I will be happy to read them. :)

She is adorable. :)

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

".... your mom...."

I meant to say YOUR mom.

See - I'm already dealing with wanting to ADOPT your mother for my VERY own! :)

Really, it's just so precious that she sends you this stuff. I still remember when she left you that voicemail about the "call on nuts" (was it during the salmonella scare?) That was just hilarious. So cute, your mom.

Smileygirl said...


Are you sure about being added to the newspaper cut out list??? You don't know what you're getting yourself into! I will tell her you said that. It will make her day!


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