Friday, November 17, 2006

You've Lived in Minnesota Too Long if...

I can't focus much today so I'm just going to post an old list that I wrote a few years ago about living in Minnesota.


1) The morning weatherman states that the high for the day will be in the low 40's and your immediate response is, "Finally!!! T- shirt weather!" (or husband's response...."Great! Convertible weather!")

2) All of the employees at the local liquor store know you by first name and suggest a frequent buyer card program named in your honor.

3) A fun night out consists of dinner and a frozen fruity drink at Applebee's followed by a lengthy trip to Home Depot to check out the latest and greatest in snow removal technology.

4) You have conversations with the squirrels on your patio.

5) You have shopped in all the 10,000 stores (including kiosks) at the Mall of America at least once.

6) You no longer laugh hysterically at the sight of your ultra-hip urban husband riding in circles as he tries to figure out how to maneuver the riding lawn mower.

7) It has become part of your daily routine to put on your thermal underwear, wool socks, 2 sweaters, thick pants, down coat, fur lined boots, hat, scarf, gloves and ear muffs for the trip to the mailbox. And, neighbors are used to hearing you curse and punch said mailbox, if the mail has not yet been delivered.

8) You have spent the night in a booth at Panera Bread because as you were enjoying your morning muffin, a snow storm hit and you sat there stubbornly and said "I'll just wait this one out a while."

9) While sitting outside trying to enjoy a warm summer evening, you wonder why it appears as though the neighbor kids are pelting you with grapes. Upon further inspection, you realize that it's just the start of mosquito season.

10) Your golf deprived husband tries to set up a golf driving range in the garage but quickly abandons that idea after smacking himself repeatedly with the ball as it ricochetts off the walls and floor.

11) In conversations with others, you are now able to contribute your own personal experience on one or more of the following topics: hunting a deer, hitting a deer, being chased by a deer, or cleaning up deer droppings in your back yard.

12) You actually begin to think that driving your car into the middle of an ice pond would make for some fun entertainment.

13) It takes you 2.5 hours to get dressed and ready for a day of skiing, 1.5 hours to drive to the giant "hill", and costs $45 for a lift ticket that you use for approx. 8 minutes, before realizing it is humanly impossible to ski between the months of Nov - March.

14) You've made the mistake of going to the Mall of America on a weekend day and have spent over an hour searching for your car in the entirely wrong parking structure.

15) The sight of a snow storm in mid May no longer causes you to fall to your knees and wail like a baby.

16) Your husband informs you that he's going to participate in the Hot Dog eating contest at the Minnesota State Fair.

17) Three months out of the year your husband golfs before work, during lunch, after work and putts in the yard before bedtime to make up for the 9 months lost due to frozen earth.


Anonymous said...

Yeah - I've been to Minnesota. Aren't there a bunch of artistic people there....

Anonymous said...

Yeah - I've been to Minnesota. Aren't there a bunch of artistic people there....

Anonymous said...

Having just come back from Minnesota, I'd like to add a few more to your list:

There are shops called "Guns & Pawn" which I take to mean that you can bring whatever you want in and they will give you a gun. (Now that I think about it maybe they have these in the big cities too??)

It's completely appropriate to go out on a Friday night wearing a pair of jeans to a non-chain restaurant.

You drive a SUV or a pick-up. And if you drive a pick-up there is a deer carcass in it. Or maybe three.

You are a passive-aggressive driver, meaning that you will allow other drivers to take advantage of your "Minnesota nice" and then tail them like crazy.

Your response is "you betcha" about 90% of the time.

It's okay to still wear flip-flops over Thanksgiving weekend even though it's 42 degrees outside. At least there is no snow.