Monday, August 31, 2009

Vacuum Cleaner Blow out


Since there seems to be an abundance of highly depressing news lately I thought I'd switch gears and focus on something a little less critical but still not very uplifting. Vacuuming. But to be more specific, vacuuming small throw rugs and bath mats. Does anyone else have a knock down drag out fight with their vacuum when attempting to vacuum these tiny little plots of hell? I absolutely DREAD it and I have to mentally psyche myself up before I flip on the switch and begin that nightmare process. I even try different techniques such as picking up the vacuum, placing it on the rug/mat then allowing it to suck up the area it's resting on without even moving it, then shutting off the vacuum, moving it a centimeter so it can suck up the next spot but inevitably this ends up in disaster and half the fricking rug gets sucked inside and I'm yanking on the son of the bitch vacuum soooo hard that I end up either hurting my neck from the whip lash when the rug finally releases or the kick back from the force of the vacuum causes it to slam down on my foot. This is why I never, ever EVER will vacuum barefoot EVER again. Oh and then there's the noise the vacuum starts to make when you suck up the rug, it's like a high pitched whining sound and sometimes I just yell so loud, "SHUT UP YOU WHORE!" and Tom will know that I mean business and stays out of my way. Then the whole room starts to smell like burnt hair and that is when I purposely kick the vacuum down to the ground so it's laying on its back and I calmly say "You're dead to me" and walk away.

Time to wash my pits and splash cold water on my face. I feel better already.

11 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

bwah hahaha!! I've taken to doing it the old fashioned way - I take them outside and beat them. Unless of course they're machine washable, then those babies get tossed in the machine.

Anonymous said...

Shake them (or have Tom do it) in the direction of Betty's deck.

moooooog35 said...

That's why I spent the money and got a Dyson.

Oh..look.

I'm gay.

Clippy Mat said...

just use a dustbuster?
non?
;-)

Anonymous said...

Have Tom stand with one foot on each end of the rug while you vacuum, so the rug won't get sucked into the vacuum.

Catherine said...

Boy, have I had that conversation with my vacuum cleaner!! I distinctly remember vacuuming before a party I was having (I was in the 7th grade) and I started repeatedly slamming the vacuum down on the carpet, over and over again. I felt such satisfaction when the fuc&ker finally broke. Then I had to explain it to my mom... Anyway, I don't have any throw rugs because I can't handle vacuuming them. I have carpet, which I LOOOve.

Smileygirl said...

Catherine, I'm laughing because I think we all know what you mean by that feeling of satisfaction after repeatedly trying to break an object. It does feel really good!

So Dyson's don't suck up the rugs? I should look into this. I could ask Tom to stand on the rug but I just know somehow that would result into a fight.

McNattums said...

I saw you on the animal channel last weekend! I was in the kitchen and heard the host say "Chumley". I was like "how many cats out there could be named Chumley?" And there you were! So did those tricks work to keep Chumley behaving?

Anonymous said...

You are right, a Dyson would suck up the whole small rug. I have the animal Dyson for Max and it works well, but you'd have to nail the rug down to vacuum it.
What happens when your friendly Roomba tries to vacuum those rugs?

YKW

Smileygirl said...

That's funny McNattums, I didn't know they were still running his episode. He's such a cute little guy though don't you think? And the behavior mod worked somewhat but I just need to be more consistent with it. It does help not to look him in the eye and also not to use his name when he's being naughty.

So I guess a Dyson is out. I haven't used the Roomba much at all since we moved to this house. And it would do a piss poor job of cleaning the bath mats and rugs. It's really only good on the hard wood. Maybe would work ok for flat carpet and a house without tons of dog and cat hair!

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