just for laughs...

"They once said that a black man would be president when pigs fly. His first 100 days and *bam* a swine flu."

(this quote has been circulating around the web and just wanted to share it on here)

I can hear again!

This morning I had my ears checked. Did an auditory test first which showed slight hearing loss in my right ear (on high pitched tones). Then another doctor did the ear exam and extracted a giant globule that was attached to my ear drum. There were actually 2 globules but one got sucked down the vacuum hose, the other, did not. I won't go into much detail but let's just say something this size (and color) should never come out of one's ear. One's ass? Yes, but not an ear canal.

So after coming close to passing out in the doctor's office, (after seeing said object and also feeling dizzy from the suction/vibration on my ear drum) I am feeling 10 times better and my head feels lighter.

However, my sinuses and eustachian tubes are still clogged and the ENT thinks I have allergies. Makes sense because I have been a stuffed mess since December and Tom who used to suffer allergies in S. Cal is completely drip free. Yet another reason it makes living here OH SO pleasant! But I am now taking Flonaise for probably ever and hope that helps.

Been making trips back and forth still (old house to new) and once we have everything in one set place I hope to feel more settled. All I can say is I WILL NEVER EVER MOVE AGAIN (unless of course it's back to CA or perhaps even Chicago. I'm missing that place now too.)

Hope everyone is doing well and is enjoying bursts of Spring!

my list of must haves

for the new house:

1. Living Room Couch
2. Topsy Turvy Tomato Planter
3. Whistling Tea Kettle
4. and a carbon monoxide or gas detector, STRONG gas smell in the bedroom (so far I don't think it's Tom or Wrigs)

a glimpse into Tom's mind

We are officially moving into the new house on Thursday. Been making 2-3 trips a day back and forth hauling our loot, everything except the big stuff (furniture, W/D, piano, kayak, patio sets, etc.)

So as we were reviewing our budget and purchases that we still need to make we decided to narrow down our list.

I asked Tom what he absolutely thinks we need to have in our immediate future.

Here are his responses:

1. Couch for living room
2. Car port
3. Cheese Raclette

I say, "WTF is a cheese raclette??"

Tom then grabs the computer and googles raclette and goes into a 15 minute dissertation on how this is a must have for our new home.

I tell him that we didn't really budget $400 for a fricking cheese wheel but he insists we must get one.

I asked him why he never insisted on purchasing this device during our 11 years of marriage and he tells me that we didn't have the right house up until now. Mind you, this thing holds enough cheese to feed our entire neighborhood. When I mentioned that to Tom he said, "I know that! That's why we're going to have cheese parties!"

Some houses are great for entertaining family, friends and hosting outdoor BBQ's. Apparently ours is perfect for a cheese wheel.

been sick

again.

And I realize why.

I am home sick.

The more I go home, the more I realize how much I f*cking hate it here.

I'm sorry. I can't hide it. I will continue to try every day to find something positive about being here but it's been a struggle. Every minute of every day.

I can't fake happiness.

last night

We ate spicy hot links for dinner at Home Depot.

I am paying the price this morning.

high

I've had waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too much Sudafed.

My head feels like a hot air balloon floating through the sky. OMG. I just remembered my dream from last night. I was jumping off buildings and flying through the city avoiding wires and poles and trees. And I was bald.

I am so flipping cold right now it hurts to type. I'm wearing my down ski jacket and my upper body is shaking. Maybe from Sudafed too or just coldness. I also have quite a sunburn so that is making me chilled too.

I have to drive over to the new house to do a walk through with one of the contractors. But right now I cannot drive a moving vehicle no way no how. I keep drinking water to flush out the drugs in my system. I have flushed out everything else this morning so why am I still high as a kite!?!

Tom thinks I'm going deaf. I made an appt with an Ear Nose and Throat doc 2 weeks from now. Earliest I could get in but it's better than waiting 2 months. I know I can't hear as well out of my right ear but I am hoping it's just because there is fluid inside it and once that is removed then it will be better. Would really suck if I had permanent hearing loss. IF so I blame it on this cold as shit, dreary ass house we're in. It has made me ONE BITTER BITCH.

I am really a different person when I'm back home in the warmth and sunshine. I don't struggle every day like I do here. That makes me sad. My stomach is upset. Must go unload yet again.

bye for now.

Ok seriously,

My right ear is really bad, filled with fluids and I'm having sharp pains that shoot through my jaw and neck. I got some Sudafed and tea tree oil drops but am scared to fly tomorrow.

sunny, warm and freckly.

not to mention, very, very happy.



I may just "accidentally" drop my ID down a sewer hole so I can't fly back to Seattle. Actually my right ear is filled up with fluids again and I really shouldn't fly so I should probably stay and let that heal for the next 2 months...

pure unequivocal bliss

I don't want to leave.

do you like???

or is this a total "mom" hair do.

just now...

I belched so loud while inside a crowded coffee shop in my new 'hood. I was very wrapped up in what I was reading and completely forgot I was in a public place.

WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

Now I am laughing and can't stop. I think it's from the fumes I inhaled all morning at the new house. I'm going to be known as the belcher who laughs alone in the coffee shop. Sounds like a country western song.

Still laughing. Is this what a crazy person feels like all the time??? If so, I REALLLLLLLY LIKE IT!!!!!

Now I feel like I'm about to poop my pants from laughing. What is WRONG with me today???

Blame it on the fumes.

With My Own Two Hands

more house video

There were a lot of cobwebs and some creepy crawlies stuck on the walls/ceilings of the house. Since the ceilings are so high, Tom attached a carwash mitt to the end of a long pole. Wrigs did not like this. I got a dust bunny in my mouth.

Chumley's in the House

Here's some video of Chum's first visit to the new house.



Eventually he warmed up to it and settled in the sun with Wrigs...


btw, today was sunny and 72. It was the first time in 6 months I felt warm, and alive inside again. And I had NO tummy issues!!!

quick momism and such

I was talking to my mom this morning and she said, "I was watching this cute show about cats on Planet Animals." (that would be Animal Planet.)

Our landlords are having an open house today in our current place so we need to be out with the animals for a few hours. Tom and I have been cleaning and putting away our valuables and such and I asked him, "Should we hide the wii?" He said, "Where did you get that??" I pointed to the wii and said, "We bought this together 2 weeks ago!?!?" He looked at it and then said, "Ohhhh, I thought you said weed."

I HAVE FOUND MY ULTRA MIND!!!

THANK GOODNESS!

Where was it???

Buried underneath a pile of clothes AND the SNUGGIE. Why I even admit these things, I'll never know.

Maybe after I read this book I will learn to censor my stupidity.

Though, this is doubtful.

Tom's hillside theory

So I mentioned that the hillside behind our house needs to be surveyed. Odds are we will need to invest in a huge ass retaining wall to keep it secure. I prefer to do this sooner than later because I don't want to spend my already sleepless nights worrying if we'll wake up in a house boat. Tom and I were discussing this and at one point his response was, "The hillside's fine. It hasn't ever slid in the past."

The absurdity of his statement left me speechless.

But not for long.

I then said, "I'm no Geo-tech, but I'm fairly certain the SAME hillside can't slide more than once."

to be continued...

picture purging

***update: Coors light cans GONE! (no, I didn't take them)

I needed to make room on my camera phone so I'm purging some pics on here and will write up some blurbs for each...



This was Wrigs yesterday at the vet. He had been acting weak the last day and a half and developed this dry old man like cough. We were in the waiting room for a LONG time and Wrigs was all excited, wagging his tail, making friends with the staff and then he heard the LOUD bellowing of a distressed cat in the exam room. He turned and gave me this look like, "Ok mom, we need to leave. NOW!" Worst part for him is when they take his temp in his bum. He gets soooo upset and kicks and thrashes around and I'm always so afraid he's going to back into a wall or sit down with the thermometer still in his rear and either "swallow it up" or have it break off which will lead to a slow mercury poisoned death. Vet thinks he has an upper respiratory virus aka "kennel cough" in the canine world. He needs plenty of rest and fluids for the next 7-10 days. This morning I made him home made chicken/carrot/brown rice stew and he perked up and ate like I've never seen him eat before. Of course Chumley was shoving his face into the pot so I asked Wrigs if it was ok to share some with his brother. He said yes but only one teaspoonful.


Ok this is really weird. I will call these next 2 photos:

"The curious case of the Coors' Lights."

Can you see them there on the curb??


For one week now, these 5 little cans of Coors Light have sat right here, unopened. We're not sure if they were put in place as a trap or if someone just didn't want them and decided to leave them out for the taking. Every day I walk Wrigs by them and think "What the hell?" I try to come up with some explanation for this but it defies all logic. At the very least wouldn't you think a homeless person would swipe those up?? That's why I think it's some sort of trap. I'm afraid to touch them in case they are wired with explosives.



If you want to turn your brain into a jumbled mess of nonsense try picking out carpet at Home Depot. There are soooo many options that it literally hurts my head to decide on just one. Tom and I have been looking for a while trying to narrow down color, thickness, resistance to stain, fiber type, padding and every time we're just about settled we find something else. Until...

I kind of like this one. This past week we had a carpet guy come out to measure the rooms and he was a little person. He looked just like Tattoo from Fantasy Island. (I had an incident as a child at Disney World that left me scarred when it comes to interacting with little people. It's gotten better over the years but sometimes, I still freak out a little.) When I told Tom about the little carpet guy the first thing he said was, "What a perfect job for him!" I asked why and he said, "He's already lower to the ground so he doesn't have to bend so much."

Speaking of bending, this is Tom's stance on Wii Ski.

It's official. We are LOSERS.

Ok I didn't realize how long my blurbs are so I will cut this short.

I love the color yellow so I am lining my kitchen drawers with yellow drawer liners. Kitchen colors will be gray with yellow accents.



The other day I had a craving for popcorn balls. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? They are little balls of popcorn that are globbed together with a sugary coating. They have different flavors, strawberry was my favorite. I decided to make them but trying to mold these suckers into balls was next to impossible. So instead I just made Popcorn blobs. And they were really good.

house update

The last couple weeks have been a blur. We closed on the house in West Seattle but not without more chaos right up until the last minute. Our loan guy screwed up the day we were supposed to close, which was Monday the 30th. One of the banks required us to close on that day, otherwise we would lose the house and it would go to auction. Our realtor pleaded with the bank arbitrator to extend the closing 24 hours and our loan guy was able to resolve his screw up (after some choice words were spewed from my end) so that crisis was averted and resolved by 9pm on Monday. So now, it's the morning of the new closing day, and as I am about to leave to get the cashier's checks, my realtor calls and says "Don't leave just yet, we have an issue." Apparently the seller had second thoughts THAT MORNING and refused to sign off on the house. This was AFTER we agreed to pay $7000 off on one of her credit card bills as well as already paid a $2100 past due utility charge. The seller had somewhat of a meltdown at the escrow office once she saw the tax implications for next year. Her realtor and the bank arbitrator were able to convince her to sign which she finally did 40 minutes before we were set to close. However, since her ex husband was attached to one of the liens, we still needed his signature and he arrived 10 minutes before our 11:00 deadline. I don't really remember much about the last 2 weeks because I just wanted this whole process to be over, and now that it is, we are finally able to move forward.

We have been back and forth to the house a lot since Tuesday, usually 2 times a day. We'll have contractors there for the next 2-3 weeks resurfacing the floors and replacing the baseboards, ripping up old carpet, installing new, putting new doors in, changing locks, closing off the crawl space, and if the budget allows repainting the living room and hallways and replacing the blinds. We also need to start getting quotes for a retaining wall as the hillside that butts up against the house is "unstable." If you saw this hillside, it may make you cringe a little.

We plan on doing some mild demolition ourselves, which we can do over time. A bathroom needs to be gutted, built in desks and cabinetry need to be hacked away and fixtures around the house replaced and updated. Tom also wants to build a little studio apartment over the garage which would be great for out of town guests if they want a little private place of their own. Or maybe we would just put Chumley in there when people visit. We could make a little sign that says "Chumley Lives Here" out front. Maybe this place won't be so bad after all...

Tonight

we are going to dinner with friends in the suburbs.

That is far from the comforts of my home (and bathroom.)

I will be eating plain rice and toast.

YUM YUM YUM!!!

Losing my Ultra Mind

It's been less than 24 hours since I've had this book in my possession, and I've already lost it.

Perhaps it's because we are in the process of moving/purging/shuffling back and forth between 2 houses/dealing with contractors/cleaning our current home for an open house this weekend/preparing for out of town visits/etc.

Or perhaps I'm just a fricking moron.

And yes, I've checked every bathroom. This book has disappeared.

Someone doesn't want me to fix my brain!!!

Happy Toilet Paper Day

Based on the recommendation of a dear friend, I am now reading The Ultra Mind Solution.

Do you have a broken brain?

According to the book, if you answer yes to any of these questions below, you may have a broken brain:

- Are you depressed, feeling down, and don't have the drive to do anything?
- Do you find it next to impossible to focus and concentrate on tasks?
- Do you find it hard to remember names or where you left your keys?
- Do you get anxious, worried, or stressed-out frequently?
- Does your mind feel foggy, unable to experience the world clearly?

and let me just add a couple of my own...

- Does everything you eat explode right out of you within a matter of minutes??
- Have you ever shit your pants while driving in traffic???

Yes, that is nasty and probably WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION but let's just say the last few months have been extremely unpleasant.

So I'm hoping to fix my broken brain as well as broken bowels.

And you can guess where I spend the majority of time reading...

Oh I almost forgot! Happy Toilet Paper Day.

It snowed.

Today in Seattle. And it's 36 degrees.

HAPPY F*CKING APRIL.

That is all.