Do you have Dicks?

My sister is getting Tom's Christmas present at a sporting goods store and wanted to make sure that in case he didn't like it he could exchange it at a store in Seattle. So she and my mom were discussing the big chain sporting goods stores that they're familiar with.

My mom says, "Do you have Dicks here?"

My sister says, "Don't you mean Chicks, mom?"

Mom: "No, it's Dicks. We have quite a few Dicks in Illinois."

Sis: "Well there aren't any Dicks here!"

Me: "I don't think there are any Dicks in Seattle either."

Mom: "Really? They're everywhere by me."

Not what you want to hear out of your mother's mouth.

Big 5 it is.

just plane blogging

(from my plane ride to CA)

I'm blogging from the plane wishing I could live at 39,000 feet. After 3 sips of my Gin and Tonic sure as shit I'm buzzed. I'm looking out the window as we fly over the middle part of CA and it's sunny and blue and vibrant. I probably look like a side show freak with my face pressed up against the window with a big gummy smile plastered on my face. Hot TOAST! This Gin and tonic is yummy! Who says hot toast?

Did I mention I noticed a nipple hair protruding from my nipple this morning? I've always wanted to live in Europe. That's all I'll say on the subject for now. The altitude makes me feel silly. My mom is so cute. She's in the aisle seat (I'm in the window) and she's hunched over the in flight crossword using her giant magnifying glass. She looks like Sherlock Holmes. I want to blurt out, "Elementary my dear Watson!" I would try and snap a pic but for our safety "all electronic devices must be switched to the off position." Pansies. If my cockamamie cell phone camera is going to interfere with air traffic and take down a 737 then the FAA has serious shit for brains. Hold that thought. I have to pee.

Why is it the one time you get up to pee in an airplane turbulence hits as you hover??? I had to wet nap my boots. I'm going to get back to my knitting now. I use wooden needles in case anyone was wondering.

Only 30 minutes left!!! LAND HO!!!! What does that mean? Crap. I forgot I need to drive the rental car. Time to suck a penny!

Happy Holidays!

*Update:
Chumley is getting into the spirit as well. He's trying to help me wrap presents. This is for my friend Rebecca who witnessed Chumley's psychotic behavior towards Scotch tape. He's always been obsessed with it. I guess I'm just used to it but it is pretty funny to watch.


(Excuse the typo in the youtube title. I meant to type Chumley's tape obsession. That's a result of multi-tasking.)

We're getting into the spirit over here!

My mom & I look like this:


My car looks like this:


Wrigs looks like this:



And Chumley...
Well, he's pretty much the same.

It could happen...

My mom's favorite show is Cash Cab. Tom is in NYC for the week, my mom's staying here with me and she says out of the blue:

"I hope Tom gets into a Cash Cab while in New York."

I told Tom this when he called and he said:

"Out of everything I wish for in the world that is the absolute last thing I would want."

Then she tells me that she hopes he's in there with at least 2 other people to really increase his odds of winning.

I'll keep you posted...

Day 2 of mom's visit

Conversation between Tom and my mom:

Mom: Where should we take Laura for her birthday dinner?

Tom: She loves this place down the street. It's a Tapas Bar.

Mom: What??? They have those around here???

Tom: Yeah. They're everywhere. We loved them in California too.

Mom: Are you kidding me??? Laura likes to go there???

Tom: Yes, she LOVES them.

Mom: Oh my Garsh.

(It wasn't until HOURS later that we realized my mom thought Tom was talking about a TOPLESS bar. My cheeks still hurt from laughing so hard.)