Friday, October 30, 2009

letters to the animals

Dear Sweet Wrigley,

I love you so much you Big Lug, Grape Ape, Noodle bodied- yellow beast. You are the most entertaining and comical dog I have ever had in my life and I could kiss, no, EAT your paws off, that's how much I love you. Thank you for giving me a soft place to fall when I need you.

And now, Chumley,

I can honestly say that thanks to having you in my life for 15 years... I will NEVER have another cat. Sometimes, I think you are an alien spy or an evil terrorist disguised in a cat's body. I will never understand why you do some of the things you do and why when you're sitting atop the kitchen counter, gently pawing at my cell phone, then looking up at me to make sure I'm watching and when I see you I say, "STOP IT CHUMLEY!" and with that you literally WIND UP your paw and slap my phone to the ground. And now, my screen is black. I am done trying to figure you out. We will co-exist in this house for the remainder of our lives. Tom is convinced you are going to outlive all of us. Btw, happy birthday. There is no liver/salmon souffle this year. Sorry. Ass.


Anonymous said...

Don't give up on the phone. My duaghter's phone has done that, and her husband fools around with it and it works again. Goodf luck with that.

And, please don't give up on cats either. You've dealt with a really special cat with special needs, for sure! Think of how nice Latte and Liger are. Out of my "just enough" cats, I only have one who is sort of loony/evil/crazy--and that's not too often.

You might need some time before you try a feline again, but the next one has to be a more conventional cat.


Anonymous said...

That is good luck,not goodf luck, which almost looked like good fluck. My proofreading was not home. Sorry.

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN 2 LUV said...

Oh no! Chumley!

I know what it was...he thought he heard you say "Trick or Treat" and figured he'd try out a trick this time around..."are mommy's reflexes fast enough to catch a flying phone?" know that trick, right?

Hi Wrigs! You're perfect, precious boy.

Clippy Mat said...

ooh Chumley, your cover is almost blown and we will have to bring you in soon, back to the mother ship. Remember your orders at the briefing? We said cats were unpredictable and the opposite of dogs. Nobody mentioned nuts, vicious or even incontinent for that matter. You are in danger of having your mission aborted. 15 yrs of spying, er research, about to go down the tubes.
Don't overdo it.

ChiTown Girl said...

Yeah, it really means 'good fuckin' luck,' since you still have to deal with Chumley!! He's surely is an assbag of a cat!!

ChiTown Girl said...

Jeez, I didn't realize there were more comments after anon's, so now mine doesn't make sense, huh? Who's the assbag now.....

KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN 2 LUV said...

Heeeeey, only mama can call me assbag or any of the other colorful terms she is so fond of! Ask Auntie KBL, she'll tell you what a kool kat I am!


BC said...

Hi Laura .. Long-time lurker here to your most entertaining blog. Love the ironic humour :-)

If it's some consolation, you are not alone as we too (hubby and I) suffer from annoying cat syndrome. There should be a support group for this! Max, our male tabby shares similar habits to your Chumley. I'm now convinced its a male thing. Of particular annoyance is when he rises at the ungodly hour of 5:00am and wants to be fed his morning meat. He will come into our bedroom and whine endlessly, go from one chair to the next and scratch the hell out of it (knowing that I do not appreciate this one bit), and will run from one window to the other like a cat possessed. Our female is fast asleep while all this is going on. Once fed however, Max returns to our bed without a care in the world, and proceeds to sleep for a couple of hours? We just look at him while we dress for work and shake our heads.

This used to drive me wild with frustration, this and how he would knock things off of a side table at our front door (and kitchen counter), sunglasses, keys, occasionally the lamp, until such time as one of us would come and let him out. I eventually figured that he just needs to feel like he has some sort of control over his environment. Jungle cat mentality perhaps? So I let him, to 'some' extent. There has been no breakage in months. He's actually much improved compared to when we first got him and his sister, Maggie :-)

Sorry for the long post. After reading some of your chumley experiences, I can relate and thought I'd share some of our battle stories with you. Wishing you all future peace.

PS: My blog is new. Haven't had much time to post since creating it though. It's a bit embarrassing.

Jane said...

Oh my gosh Laura! Shadow used to do the SAME thing! They're just as*holes! He would sit on the counter and watch me and knock things off just to piss me off, especially if I would tell him no. Thank goodness I have graycee b/c she's giving me hope to have another cat again. Ever since Shadow's been gone, she's so much sweeter. She sleeps with me and the other night curled up b/w Eric and I. That's what a cat is supposed to be like, right?? :)