churchy stuff

I went to church today, it was a Catholic church but unfortunately it was for a funeral. Haven't been inside a church too much lately, unless it's for a wedding, baptism or funeral. I'd been somewhat turned off by religion after high school, and now looking back I'm not so sure it was the religion itself, but more so the fact that I had been in Catholic school since age 3 thru 17 and then having a weekly mass on top of that seemed like overkill. The only part of the mass that I'd pay any attention to (aside from ogling one or two altar boys) was the Homily. The rest of the mass was dull because it was the same structure of readings from the bible, then the hymns were soooo slow and dragged on forever and then the rites and rituals always made me question, why do we have to see this again every week? But I liked the Homily (depending on the priest, some were too preachy) because it was real, not read, and conversational. I also looked forward to giving the sign of peace because that meant church was almost over and the energy was always different since you sat next to new people every week. Sometimes my parents would go to the early mass which left me and my sister having to go to the 11:00 mass alone. My sister would drive us (she's 7 years older so imagine a 16 year old and a 9 year old in this scenario) and we'd be dressed in church clothes and leave the house on time and then we'd pull up to the church, she'd wait in the car, I'd hop out, run up the steps and grab a bulletin from the back table and run back in her car and off we'd go to Dunkin' Donuts. Or if it was warm we'd go to the beach for an hour. We did this off and on, not every time because we would see our parent's friends and then get busted so then we'd have to come in. For a few years this went on until one day during mass with our parents, the priest ended the mass stating that it had been brought to his attention that there have been "bulletin grabbers" aka me and my sister and several other high school aged kids, and they would no longer leave the bulletins in the back of the church. Instead, they would be handed out at the end of mass by a clergy man or woman. My sister's eyes almost popped out of her head as did mine. And I could have sworn the priest was looking right at us when he spoke.

At the church today I found something very interesting. In the pew pockets they had little sheets of paper titled "Pew Art" with pencils as well. On the paper was a message to parents to allow their young children to use this paper to doodle or draw. I thought, how awesome is this?? If we had this growing up I probably would have enjoyed the experience a bit more too. (I also wanted to add a letter "F" to the word "Art".) Back in the day, my sister and I purposely learned sign language (the alphabet and a few other choice phrases) so we could secretly sign dirty words to try and make each other laugh. And something else I remembered today while kneeling in church -when I was little I would make sure I had nail polish on before mass so I could pick it all off (it took about 2 minutes a nail so that killed about twenty minutes) but some of it would sprinkle down on the pew in front of me and so many times the unsuspecting people sitting down had sparkly pink flecks stuck to their rears. My sister and I used to get a kick outta that too. Actually so did my Dad.

I do remember insane laughing fits that we couldn't control because we heard a squeaky shoe or something that sounded like a fart, that probably wasn't or maybe it was, or the token weird people we'd see every week that we had ridiculously nicknamed. There was a guy who looked just like this guy:



That's Chef Barth from the show You can't do that on Television and my sister and I were always on the lookout for Barth sightings at church. When we spotted him we were so excited cause we knew we were in for a treat. He had a few nervous habits, like smoothing the top of his hair but he would do it so suddenly and jerky and we would keep count how many times he did it and then sign language updates. God, if we only had text messaging back then!

And there were ALWAYS those people...large, rotund women mostly, who thought they were opera singers and would BELT OUT THE WORDS to every song and usually, their voices made my head bobble. When one of them sat behind us we would get the worst fits of giggles to the point where we'd have to hide our heads in our hands and make it look like we were deep in prayer as our bodies shook and popped. I remember car rides home where my mom would say, "I can't take you to church anymore, you have serious problems." And I'd be soooo excited because I thought, "Finally I'm free!" But it was always a forgotten statement by the following Sunday. Our church had a sound proof Crying Room for babies and small children and I often thought why not make a laughing room for out of control kids and teens? Probably because it would be packed. With adults too.

So anyway, today's church experience sparked a multitude of memories, so many more still swirling in my head but I'm tired, it's been an emotional day and I think it's time to pray for forgiveness and go to bed.

milks

I haven't been updating on here much, not for lack of things to say but I just have not been able to find solitude long enough to sit and recap all that has taken place over the last month or so. And quite frankly, I don't have the energy to do so. Instead I'll just with what's on my mind right now.

My lovely digestive issues have finally done me in. It has become a debilitating lifestyle and one that is just not as simple as eating better.  For the past 3 days I've eliminated all dairy, most wheat, and processed (or refined) sugar from my diet. It has NOT been easy. But I'm doing this in preparation for a 28 day cleanse to completely rid my body of toxins and then slowly re-introduce certain food groups to see what is triggering these "episodes". I will still be able to eat some solid foods on this cleanse and will also be drinking a couple of protein shakes daily with extra fats to maintain weight, nutrition and energy levels. But for 28 days my diet will be extremely limited, and I will not be able to have any caffeine (KILL ME NOW) or alcohol (which is easier to give up than caffeine!) but in order to do this successfully I need to stick to it. Even after these 3 days of eliminating dairy, and cutting way back on wheat and sugar I'm already feeling better.

I'm substituting a few different kinds of dairy free milks and what I have found is that this kind, Pure Almond by Silk, tastes ok but after about a half hour of drinking it, I get EXTREMELY nauseous. Don't know why this is, I don't have an allergy to almonds but for some reason this does not agree with me. And it's the kind of nausea that lingers and does not go away when you try to lay down and be still. I won't be buying this again.

But on the flip side, I have tried these other milks, Vanilla flavored Rice Milk and Coconut Milk and both are very good on their own or even mixed together. I'm not sure how they would be in cereal since I don't eat cereal anymore but these milks are delicious shaken and poured over a tall glass of ice. I also like to drink them with a straw, for some reason it just tastes better. And I make my morning iced green tea lattes with them. 

I'll probably start updating more on here once I officially start the cleanse because I feel this would be a good place to log my progress. We'll see how that goes! Hope you all are well and your tummies are settled. 

xoxo

Our Grape Ape

Last week we had quite a scare with Wrigs. At some point in the early morning hours, Chumley knocked over a 2 pound container of grapes that were sitting on the kitchen counter. Wrigley ate all of them. When I realized what had happened, I immediately called our vet. They weren't open so I left a message. I didn't feed Wrigley breakfast because I thought he would probably need his stomach pumped. I let him outside and while waiting for him to do his business, I googled a bit on grapes and dogs, knowing they were toxic to some, not all, but that's when I really lost it. The vet called back in minutes and said to bring him in ASAP. They gave him IV fluids to flush his kidneys and fed him charcoal bits to absorb all the toxins from the grapes. He spent the whole day at the hospital. I came home and just cried for hours, not knowing what was going to happen to him. I called to check in on him and he was doing well. His kidney levels were elevated but still within normal range so the vet didn't seem too worried about that. He stayed there several more hours so they could monitor him and then I brought him home, early evening. And he was so weak. 

He would sit up and whine and then lay down and moan. It was so sad to see him so miserable. At one point he buried his head in my armpit and started breathing really heavy and then ran over to the carpet and threw up EVERYWHERE. Let's just say we'll never have light colored carpet in this house (or any house) ever again. And did I mention they fed him lots and lots of charcoal??? I called the vet to let them know he was vomiting and wondered if I should bring him to the EV (Emergency Vet). They said that the vomiting was probably from drinking water, which he did right when he got home, but if he did it again then to bring him to the EV. I set up camp on the couch that night and stayed up watching him sleep, making sure I could see the puffs of his belly as he took each breath. He wasn't feeling so good that night.

The toxins in grapes may or may not show any signs for up to 48 hours so we were not out of the woods yet. The next morning I brought him back to the vet for more blood work. Before we went,  I wanted to stop at our local coffee house first, so he didn't associate every car ride with a vet visit. But he could sense something was up. Especially since people were hugging and loving him and offering treats which he couldn't have and when I explained why they were very concerned. He definitely knew this wasn't our only stop.

After that visit we came home and I was instructed to keep an eye on him and watch for any changes in behavior, appetite, discomfort, etc. I decided I'd use this time to get some Spring cleaning done and when I finished vacuuming I walked in the bedroom and saw the two of them on the bed together. It looked like I interrupted something?? Chumley was very concerned when Wrigley was at the vet the day before, he actually had some sort of an episode, where he flipped out for about a half hour, growling, panting, running and stopping, scratching, biting, it was a bit strange. But he seemed much calmer when Wrigley came home and for the two of them to sit so close together like this, they were definitely communicating.

Saturday morning was the 48 hour mark so we were given the all clear that he should be able to resume normal activity. We were so happy about this. Wrigs rejoiced by grabbing his 2 favorite new toys and posed for this picture. One thing I learned from this experience is if your dog or cat consumes something that is potentially dangerous like grapes (or chocolate, onions, garlic) don't wait for signs to show up. Get them into the vet immediately! By the time symptoms arise, it could be too late.

Where is home?

When you grow up in a professional baseball family, your life as a child is never really normal.

And I think that's where a lot of my abnormalcies (is that a word?) in my adult life, stem from. (should never end a sentence with a preposition but without the word "from" it just sounded incomplete.)

There was no consistency, no routine, no such thing as "normal" throughout my childhood.

But, at the time I didn't realize this.

It wasn't until later.

MUCH later.

That I figured out our life was a bit outside the norm, so to speak.

Where. To. Even. Begin.

Constantly living in two places. A home, a home base really, nestled in the affluent north shore of Chicago, and another home, a second home? Not really, because we didn't always go as a family. South America, Florida, Canada, all these lovely places were part of the landscape. So is that why I feel so restless when I'm in one place for too long???

Who knows.

Just trying to fit the f*cked up puzzle pieces of my life together so it all makes sense.

Does that make sense?

No.

yucky stuff

For a while now, I've been meaning to write a follow up from my original posting (almost one year ago!) on my lovely condition called, redundant colon.

And as I sit here now, trying to breathe deeply through the pains of yet another attack, I figure now's a good time to update.

Like most people who have this, there are good days and bad days. I have a hard time sticking to any sort of routine, so I bet if I was better about this, there'd probably be more good days than bad. This past Saturday Tom and I met a friend in town then went to lunch in the city. Since we were over our 5 mile radius from home, I was very careful about what to order. I had some pita bread and veggies and light hummus. Tom had this nasty looking stew that smelled like dog food and some special IPA beer. I sipped my plain iced tea and ate my pita and then Tom asked me to taste his beer. It was a restaurant special that was unfiltered and unpasteurized and it just didn't taste right. I had about 3 sips total, (just to confirm that I really didn't like it) and by the time we left the restaurant I could feel my stomach start to churn. By the time we pulled into the driveway, it had blown up like a balloon. I have no way of knowing if it was from the beer alone or if it was a combo of everything else and the beer just tipped the scale. We had plans that evening with friends and as I was getting ready for the night the sharp, stabbing pains in my ribs and belly began to get worse. I did not want to cancel but I knew it was going to be an uncomfortable night. My stomach was making these alien sounds and it looked like there was a nice sized cantaloupe under my shirt. I changed my clothes and drank some tummy tea and sat for a bit just breathing through the pain (like I'm doing now) and then my husband, who is usually very understanding when these things happen, was growing impatient and says to me, "Would you just go to the bathroom already!?!" I had some choice words for him.

What I'm finding out is that most people with redundant colon have days or even weeks of constipation. That is not typically what happens to me (except when I travel). My norm is that I have these blow up moments and severe pain and then it's like a ticking time bomb as to when the explosion is going to happen. So I can't just "go to the bathroom" on command, but once I start to feel those little spastic sensations I better get to a bathroom quick. It's kind of similar to a roller coaster ride. The car goes through lots of loops and twists and turns (that's where the pain comes in) and then it slows down and climbs uphill, up and up and up at a slow moving pace and then it finally reaches the top and then full speed ahead slams down the tracks with intense force and there's just no stopping it. You get the picture.

As I've mentioned in my previous post the Dr. prescribed Dicyclomine which has pretty much lost its effectiveness. There have been times when I'm out in a public place and the pill doesn't work so then I pop a Zantac, chase it with a Mylanta and then start chewing Tums like candy but at that point, I'm doomed.

I decided to share a list of food items that have triggered some major issues, usually within minutes of consumption. For those of you also suffering through this, maybe you noticed similar reactions to these foods:

-milk and cereal together (separate they are ok, dry cereal and juice is fine, milk alone is fine)

-cooked onions and garlic together in a dish, whether it's pasta, chicken, fish etc.

-warm, drawn butter

-wheat toast and coffee together

-hashbrowns

-soda and popcorn together (think movie theater, NOT GOOD!)

-any type of cream based soup

-any type of artificial or sugar free sweetener

-sushi with a mayonnaise based sauce

-chicken, egg or tuna salad sandwiches

-poultry, pork or meat with seasonings, like Lawry's or Peri Peri rub, anything with spices

It took me a while to put the milk and cereal combo together which looking back now, should have been a no brainer. One would think that it was a lactose/gluten intolerance since but I can have either of them separately without instantaneous issues, it's not the case. I was tested for Celiac back in the summer of 2009 and it came back negative, however, my doctor told me the results are only about 75-80% accurate and you're supposed to consume gobs of gluten for about a 2 week period prior to the blood test so who knows. There could be a bit of intolerance there but the only way to officially find out is to have an endoscopy which I decided was not something I needed to do at this point. Getting roto-rooted from one end is enough for now.

I've tried some different herbs and natural remedies for blow up days and one thing that I wanted to share was this tummy tea. It's specifically formulated for IBS pain, spasms and cramps (accidentally typed craps at first, which is also fitting!) and has brought some relief on the bad days.

So that's my update, thanks for reading and for fellow sufferers please know you are not alone.

another bizarre dream

Been having quite a few strange dreams lately - I wish I documented all of them but some are just too messed up to put into words. Anyway here's one that I did try to write out in as much detail as I can recall but describing it on paper doesn't do it justice. At least this way it gets out of my head so I'm not thinking about it too much...

My family and I were on a road trip. My Dad was driving, my mom was in the front, I was sitting in the back behind my Dad and my sister was next to me. At parts we were driving through reddish brown mountains, looked like maybe Wyoming and then in parts we were on flat highways. It was summer time, we had the windows down, a breeze kept blowing my hair in my face as I stuck my head out in the sun. I was eating sour candy (like lemon heads) and my hair kept sticking to my lips and cheeks because I had candy all over my face. My parents were acting silly and waving to cars with cute boys in them to embarrass me and my sister. There were a bunch of cyclists on the road and my Dad was going really fast, my mom kept saying, "slow down". They were bickering about his driving and then we hear sirens and my Dad is getting pulled over. We pull into this tube type of thing, almost like a tunnel but it was smooth all around like a cylinder. We weren't even touching the ground, the tires were suspended in air in this tube. The policeman comes to the window and talks to my Dad about sports. They talk about world series, MVP's from years past and their favorite teams. We're all relieved because it didn't look like he would get a ticket and then he tells all of us that we have to get out and push the car out of this tube all the way til the next exit instead of giving us a ticket. He said it's the law because my Dad was going too fast and pushing the car makes people realize they need to slow down and will never want to speed again. We all get out of the car but our feet couldn't touch the ground so we're holding onto the doors and the roof of the car and are pedaling our feet like we're riding a bicycle in mid air. My Dad said we need to paddle so we used our free hand to make swimming motions and then we started moving. When we get out of the tube it's pouring rain and we have 3miles to push the car and I tell them I'm too cold and get back inside the car. My family is still out there pushing and I yell at them saying that Dad should be doing this, he was the one speeding why should we do it! Then my sister hops in the car and after a little bit so does my mom and they are soaking wet, making the seats all wet like sponges and we try to use wet naps to soak up the water but they just break apart and leave white bits everywhere. The rain stops and the horn starts honking on its own which signals that my Dad can get back in the car and drive.

Now the sun is so bright and all at once there are so many cyclists on the road again. They are not off to the side, they are riding in the same lanes as the cars on the highway so cars have to swerve out of the lane to avoid them. My Dad swerved and then ended up in the grass where there was a farmer's/flea market set up and people were everywhere shopping and drinking out of big red cups. My Dad swerved again to avoid hitting the people and then there was a giant tractor type vehicle with HUGE tires just parked on the grass, my Dad swerved to avoid hitting the tractor and now we were spinning out, back on the highway and he screamed HOLD ON and and we kept spinning, avoiding a bunch of cars and to the left a school bus comes speeding towards us and we all scream OH NO OH NO OH NO and then the bus slams into our car. The car felt like it was floating on air and there was no sound of the engine, everything was quiet. We all look around at each other in disbelief because no one is hurt or bloody or scratched. My Mom and Dad turn back to me and my sister and say YOU'RE OK? WE'RE ALL OK?? And we all start saying how we can't believe we made it out of that and we saw the bus and felt the crash but yet we're totally fine.

Now I'm inside a big box style house with dark hardwood floors dark wood all over the windows and doorways. There are white flowy curtains on the windows and they are blowing in the house from the breeze. I walk down the stairs, the stairs are very cold, I'm bare foot and each step seems colder than the next, like a piercing pain of cold through my foot. I hear piano music and I follow it into a big room and there is my mom with her back to me playing the most beautiful piano song. I stand there are watch her, her back flowing and moving in motion with the key strokes. There's a filminess in the air, almost like looking through a vaseline covered lens and the room is so dark but as I get closer I start to see things more clearly. Her hands are very frail and boney and as she continues to play the side of her face, her jaw to her eye socket crashes down on the piano keys. It is just the bone, with half a set of teeth and she continues to play the piano with half of the skull laying across the keys. I realize her hands are just a skeleton and I run out of the room then out of the house screaming. I hear my Dad cutting the grass and it's so bright out my eyes can't adjust and I'm squinting trying to get to him. I keep screaming for him but the noise of the mower is so loud. He finally shuts off the mower I tell him what happened to Mom and he just stares at me. I scream GO INSIDE HELP HER! and he turns away from me and starts walking down the street like a zombie and soon he just disappears into thin air.

Happy Valentine's Day

You know your husband loves you when he comes home with chocolate and says, "This is for you, I promise I won't eat it. I'm putting it inside your period jar."

(yes I have a "period only" candy jar that I make sure is stocked during that blessed time of the month.)

Happy Valentine's day to all!

I may just have...

...an unhealthy obsession with the Avocado.

And who knew there were so many different varieties to choose from???

(click to enlarge - if you so desire)

I mainly purchase the Hass but am going to try and sample as many different kinds as I can. Add that to your bucket list and smoke it.

P90x

Early in the new year we bought the P90X system in order to get stay in shape and I have to say so far the stuff works great...for book ends. The stacks of CD's and work out booklets haven't left the shelf we placed them on since we unpacked the box. A typical Saturday afternoon goes something like this,

Tom: We should get off the couch and put on the P90X dvd.

Laura: (swaddled up in a blanket) I'm too cold.

Tom: Ok, well then we should just put on the intro video to see what we're supposed to do.

Laura: But I'm hungry.

Tom: Ok...then, we should head out to happy hour and get a burger. Half-off beers start in 20 minutes.

Laura: Where are my shoes?

We love P90X.

Double Dream Hands

In case you haven't seen "Double Dream hands guy" and his videos check this one out:

My idea for a fundraiser at the senior center is to get a group of seniors to learn this dance, of course they'd be dressed in yellow polos and khakis, and we'd have it filmed. Working on this...

In the meantime here's an action shot of me dancing to Saturday Night Fever at last week's dance.


From the looks of this photo, I don't think there'll be a problem recruiting for this video.

Jeopardy

While watching Jeopardy if I shout out an answer and it's wrong but one of the contestants also guesses the same wrong answer I still feel like a smarty because at least my thought process is in line with a Jeopardy contestant.

Grammar 101

It is not:

I should of had a V-8.

It is:

I should have had a V-8.

It is not:

I'm not use to being up so early.

It is:

I'm not used to being up so early.

That's the bug up my butt for today.

Today is...

Tom's Birthday!

Last year was a HORRIBLE birthday for him, so horrible, I thought he died. So really, this birthday can only get better.

I have something special planned for him. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

Happy birthday to the man I love.

Every morning...

...I make an iced green tea latte (even when it's cold outside) and there are many steps to this process which has become somewhat of a ritual in the mornings. While I prepare the mix and get ready to pour it into my cheerful tumbler, I use this time to reflect on the start of the day, saying blessings for my family and friends and of course, the animals. During those few minutes of time there is a peaceful calm that surrounds me and with each sip, I make an effort to feel at peace (even if I'm doing something unpleasant - like sitting on a conference call where everyone is heated and worked up over some sort of ridiculous insignificance, except me, because I'm sitting here sipping my latte in peace dreaming of a beachside escape where dolphins pop up to say a friendly hello and make those cute little squeak squeak sounds and I squeak back and laugh because I think they can really understand me.) Ahhhh, peace.

I recently received these little heart shaped ice cube trays and the cubes come out so perfect and small and now I've added them to my latte making ritual. 14 little hearts swirling in my cup of peace.

right up there with the word "uber"

Ok, so my most hated word EVER in the history of the world is UBER. I just can't stand it, even hate typing it, and have always hated it. Not sure why, but I do. I'd have to say my close second to this is when people speak, type, or text the phrase, "I know, right?" Seriously, it is so f*cking overused and annoying and it's a waste of breath (or ink/key space, whatever the medium may be) but yet, it's everywhere! Those I know and love use it quite frequently and a little piece of me cringes inside every time that happens. It's bugged me since its inception, (again not sure why- but it does) and I just had to vent because in the last half hour or so I've seen it no less than 5 times.

While I'm on the topic I also hate the phrase, "Bring it" and shoot, there was one more phrase I can't stand but I forgot it. If I think of it later I'll re-post.

little does Chum know...

what was about to happen:

'tis the season

"May All Your Holiday Wishes Come True"

If Jesus was born...

...in the digital age

something that bugs me

-when teachers misspell words.

We are all entitled to spelling mishaps here and there but when you're a role model as well as a conduit to a child's educational success, you should think about spell check if grammar and spelling are not one of your strong points.