Sisterhood

Ok so I may have mentioned in earlier posts that my sister and I like to frequent this Indian restaurant near our town because a) the food is PHENOMENAL and b) we can act like complete morons and have yet to be kicked out. I'm not really sure how this whole thing started but we've been going there for over a year now and every time we make an appearance we seem to incorporate different antics and props while we dine. We tend to go during off peak times (between 3 and 4pm) and for the most part the place is empty. And typically only one glass of wine is consumed.

Some things that we do...

- We always clap when the waitstaff appears at our table even if they are coming to bring us water.
- We wear big red wax lips and/or crazy glasses...


- We like to put a piece of dark food on a front tooth and speak seriously with our waiter while he struggles to keep a straight face.
- We've now decided that before we dine I must do a celebratory cartwheel in the middle of the restaurant. I pulled this off today (luckily before the wine was served) and our waiter exclaimed, "HOW NICE!"
- We like to spell words on our plate using pieces of food (and yes, I apologize for the last one but it was the only thing we could spell given the shape of the food pieces)....




- We like to wear Billy Bob teeth and take them out and place them on the table when we're finished eating...

- We often bring fake bugs and lizards and share our meal with them...


-When we leave we can only walk backwards and we must salute the waitstaff (who have all gathered together to watch the finale) as we exit the restaurant.

You know, as I type this out it and post it on here I'm guessing that some of you may think this sounds a bit...insane?? So even though I have more to add I'll quit now while I still have a head. But to my sister and I, these things just come natural and we have a bond that no one else can understand except the two of us. And it doesn't matter how many years pass us by, when we're 85 we're still gonna act like assholes and wheel ourselves over to the Indian restaurant, dentures and Depends in tow.

Just one of the many benefits of sharing a womb and shooting out of the same birth canal.

Sisterhood: I highly recommend it.

How to tell if you love your dog (possibly too much!)

I'm trying to upload a photo to my list but am having blogger issues. So for now I'll just post what I have so far and add to it later because believe me...there's a lot more!!! Feel free to add your own in the comments too! I have a feeling KBL could write a book on this. I'm also thinking of making one for cats too but with the way Chum has been acting lately, it's gonna have to wait.

• You have a bag of treats in every purse, coat pocket and car compartment.
• You have more photos of your pup before his 1st birthday than you do of your entire family tree.
• Every pet store within a 12 mile radius knows you and your dog by name.
• You spend more money on your dog's toys and essentials than you do your own clothes.
• You are an expert at baking the perfect dog cookie and you test them first (for temperature and taste) before giving to your dog.
• You read every ingredient listed on the back of new treats or food. 
• You refuse to buy dog toys made in China.
• You place more importance on your dog's first birthday than your spouse's birthday or anniversary. 
• There's a lint roller in every room of the house and car.
• Your husband continues to purchase expensive vacuums specifically for dog hair.
• When leaving for the day you keep the TV tuned to Animal Planet.
• You purchase special music CDs just for your dog. (Wrig's Personal Favorite
• You could be a licensed canine masseur with all the hours you've clocked in doggy massage.
• When dining out, you make sure to save enough food for a doggy bag, even if it's the best cut of prime rib or petite filet.
• You have your vet's number on speed dial.
• When sleeping you'll hyper-extend your knee or wake up with bruises on your legs so as not to wake the snoring 80 lb beast on top of you.
• You have conversations about everything and share your inner most secrets with your dog and you know he understands in his own way.
• If you awaken in the middle of the night and so does your dog you run downstairs and treat him (and yourself!) to a late night snack, preferably vanilla ice cream.
• You can describe to the vet (in precisely too much detail - so I've been told) the shape, size, color and consistency of your dog's last 3 bowel movements. 
• You have used up all the memory on your lap top because of the hundreds of videos you just can't delete on it's hard drive, even though they are backed up on an external drive, CDs as well as on youtube. 
• When you take your dog to doggy day care you sit in the lobby for an hour and watch the monitors while he greets and interacts with other dogs. And if he finds a friend to pal around with you get teary eyed and quickly come up with an excuse to the concerned staff member that it's just allergies. 
• You actually cut a 3 day weekend getaway into a day and a half because you miss your dog so much.
• The whole house goes on lock down (meaning no outside plans, visitors not allowed, heats on full blast, and chicken soup replaces the usual kibble) when your dog sneezes repeatedly or throws up.
• You bring your dog with you on every errand as long as the temperature in the car does not exceed 72 degrees.
• You look at that sweet face and loving eyes and for a few moments every worry in the world is pushed out of your mind.
• You don't care for people that don't share your love of dogs. 

Cruelty to Cows

This is just awful.

California Slaughterhouse

I will never understand the mentality or desire one has to mistreat an animal, especially one that is so sick and weak. I just don't get it. I have an insurmountable amount of hate and evil feelings towards the people who abused these animals or any animal (and GOOD GOD don't get me started on children or the elderly). And though it's probably unhealthy to carry this much hate inside me I just can't release it when I see something like this. I can't help but shout to the TV, "You fuckers are going to suffer MUCH worse someday. I can't wait for you to be tortured and shocked and have your nuts cut off!" At least I have hope. Then I pray to God that happens and I pray for those animals who are still suffering to suffer no more and die in peace.

Sorry to start the day off on such a depressing note but some people in this world make it a very cruel place.

nasty weather

this rain sucks

Rain Rain Go Away!
This sucks so much,
The sky is gray.
It's cold and wet and just plain ICK!
This weather makes me grumpy and sick.
Being outside is a constant battle.
If I wanted this crap, I'd move to Seattle.

and p.s. WE STILL DON'T HAVE A PHONE!

Nerd alert

I love my husband dearly, but there's no way around it...he's a geek. I was "shushed" several times last night while he was engrossed in a show about the History of the Zamboni. There's a new show on the Discovery Channel called "Some Assembly Required" and he is addicted to it. He loves to watch shows on inventions, how things are made, and the details and function of every working part. Last week he learned everything you need to know about the stackable potato chip. At least it's not useless information.

Another one of his favorites is the show Dirty Jobs. It's a pretty interesting concept if your stomach can handle some rather unpleasant situations. The host Mike Rowe is a crack up and reminds me of a cross between James Denton and David Letterman. The best part of the show is the end credits where they show the silly stuff and out takes. Ok, I guess I am a nerd too.

Beautiful Day

Tom and I headed to the beach today for lunch. It was GORGEOUS today, 70 degrees crystal blue sky, deep dark mountains in the background frosted with snowy tips and then behind those mountains a sea of pure white mountains that stretched for miles and miles. And to top it all off a twinkling ocean reflecting the sun's forgotten rays. The beauty of the day was breath taking.

We went to one of our favorite places for lunch and sat upstairs on the patio while enjoying the scenery and some much needed catching up time. Aside from having to evacuate the restaurant due to a kitchen fire, the afternoon was pure bliss. When our waitress came over and calmly told us that we needed to go outside because there was a problem in the kitchen, my first thought was that some crazed employee was going postal with a bread knife. Then we started to smell the smoke and heard the alarms. It was a full blown kitchen fire. We were rushed through the restaurant then down the stairs to the parking lot. The fire trucks arrived and so did a few spectators.

Since we were pretty much done with our meal, I contemplated hitting the road, but of course that would be dishonest so we waited it out. After about 20-25 minutes, we were let back in the restaurant. It smelled a little smoky but it wasn't so bad on the patio. We were comped $2.65 off our tab which we really didn't understand. Not that they should have given us more of a discount, but we just didn't get how they arrived at that amount. Our total bill (minus the $2.65) was $49 so it makes no sense. Some of the food is a bit pricey but even with the kitchen ablaze it's worth it.

I didn't have my camera so I'm hoping to take some photos of the mountains tomorrow, IF it's not raining. We're expecting more rain tonight so who knows. I found this photo online of our 'hood after a snow storm in the mountains. It's the same picture at the top of the post but I'm not sure if it's viewable on most browsers. I hope it's clear tomorrow so I can take some photos of the snow white mountains.

My name is Wrigley and I like to poo.

Wrigs and I went for a walk around the 'hood this morning where he encountered a Cock-a-poo named Stella. They romped and played in this little park area and got along so well. Wrigs is soooo tolerant when anyone comes in contact with him he just lays down and lets them do anything to him. Stella was jumping on his head, nipping at his ears, chasing his tail and then she REALLY started to show the love from behind! (There's a reason it's called Doggy Style.) She even started to hump his face and he just sat there letting her go to town. He's such a lovable lump. They were frolicking around together, hopping and chasing when Wrigs suddenly stops in the midst of all this fun and takes one soft serve cone lookin' dump right in front of his new lady friend. She seemed impressed by the size and the smell. Can you even imagine doing that in front of someone you just met, especially of the opposite sex??? I'd give it at least 3 months.

reason #5,863,946 why I love my dog

because every once in a while, he listens to me...







Sometimes I sit on the floor with him and SQUEEZE him so hard I'm afraid he's going to poop pop. He is my best friend.

I've figured out why my jeans seem rather tight...

Have you ever heard of Entenmanns Little Bites? They have a bunch of different kinds of snacks, brownies, soft cookies and muffins. I LOVE the 100 calorie packs of Brownie bites. Granted there are only 5 teeny tiny little bite sized morsels in each pouch but they are soooo good and taste great with an Iced Green Tea Latte. And for only 100 calories, not bad for an occasional snack.

So a couple weeks ago, there's a new product on the shelves, Chocolate Chip Muffin Little Bites. Without thinking I grabbed 2 boxes because they were on sale (2 for $5) and every morning I have enjoyed my Muffin Bites for breakfast with my latte. And it's been heaven.

Since they were on the shelves next to the Brownie Bites, I just assumed they were also 100 calories, with 4 grams of fat and 15 grams of carbs. This morning as I sat here sipping and chewing I happened to look at the nutritional information on the bag.

Most mornings I just have a latte and nothing else so for the last 2 weeks I have been adding 11 grams of fat, 29 extra carbs and 220 calories every single day. I'm somewhat relieved to know that's what has caused my jeans to fit a little more snug than usual. No more muffin bites for me. And damn, were they good.

I may just have to invest in that Hawaii Chair after all.

Separated at Birth???

I know he's one of the most respected and intelligent journalists of our time, but for some reason whenever I see Tim Russert, this guy pops into mind.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

the old man is DRIVING ME NUTS!

Well here I sit on another rainy California day at my local coffee shop sipping on piping hot green tea and enjoying a delicious tuna fish sandwich. I'm here because we are again without internet access, cable and of course phone service. 2 more Cox trucks are camped outside my house right now and it's not looking good. The Cox box in the ground was smoking when they removed the cover and one of the workers got an electrical shock. He's ok but when it happened he jumped back and said, "DAMN!" I thought to myself, "Please don't die on my property. Oh please oh please oh please." It's looking as though they will have to completely rewire our connections and install one of these beauties in our front yard. At this point I don't care if we have a full sized circus tent, I just want this shit to work.

As I sit here an older gentleman (maybe in his late 60's to early 70's) is whistling non stop. It is sooo incredibly annoying. There is also a student here trying to read and highlight and he keeps slamming his highlighter down on his book then staring straight ahead like, "SHUT THE F*CK UP!" It's funny to watch and I've chuckled to myself a few times because I am certain the student is going to say something or punch the man in the face at some point. The old man is now whistling the tune "Joyful Joyful we adore thee... blah blah blah blah blah...blah blah" and if he keeps this up I may just have to accidentally trip and spill hot tea on his crotch.

On second thought, I think I'll offer to buy him a drink. Perhaps he'd like this:


Ok sooooo gross!!!! Old man is now having a total coughing fit and it's one of those nasty ass smoker's coughs and is extremely productive as in, you can hear the fluids and phlegm with each lung contraction. It is making my tuna fish sandwich creep back up into my throat. OMG I seriously can't take it. I'm not sure which is worse the whistling or the mucous filled coughing fit.

His face is beat red and now he's blowing his nose into a disgusting ass hanky that he put back into his pocket. That is sooo unsanitary. Why the hell anyone would want to re-use their snot rags is beyond my comprehension. Isn't that why Kleenex was invented???

Ok now he is BACK to whistling the tune "Memories." I actually used to like this song. Student guy is packing up his shit right now! I knew he couldn't handle it. OMG I wish I could video tape this! Man is whistling SOOOO LOUD. Student boy just walked out and rolled his eyes at me when he left. I am going to see if I can capture some audio with my phone.

more dry skin help

Something we cannot live without in this house is Target's Milk and Honey moisturizing hand soap. We used to buy the SoftSoap brand but I opted to save a buck or two and try Target's version and it feels and smells the same, if not better. I buy the 64 oz. size and fill up all our soap dispensers in the house with this stuff. Guests often ask what kind it is because they love the delightful yet subtle scent.

It's supposed to moisturize your hands as well but I'm not really sure anything made from the Sodium, Chloride and Sulfate family can actually benefit dry skin. So thanks to Bridget for introducing me to HEMPZ herbal moisturizer.


I LOVE this stuff and admit to using it obsessively. It has a bit of a stronger scent, the website claims it's a combo of banana and floral fragrances, but I'm not really sure that's the main scent. There's almost a Rum like aroma in it but it's not overly sweet or pungent. Many lotions and creams with super sweet smells (like Bath and Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar, YILCH!) or strong floral and fruity scents (like Freesia or Pear, BLECH!) will give me such a headache. Hempz products are definitely fragrant but not nauseating to the senses. Just thought I'd pass this along.

I have much work to do and am trying to stay focused and productive but then as I stopped to lotion up my hands I had the urge to share this on here. I'll try not to use any more products for the rest of the day and actually get some work done!

Ok one last thing...

For dry lips, Kiehl's Lip Balm #1 is amazing. For $5.50 it's a great buy because the tube lasts a long time. I like that you can squeeze out the product onto your finger (unlike stick balms) because I also apply a dab to the inside of my nose to keep it from getting dry and itchy. I just noticed online there is now a Pear scented balm but it costs $3 more than the Original. Not worth it. Plus if you stick it in your nose you'll smell Pear all day. That might get nauseating.

E.T. Can't Phone Home

I AM STILL WITHOUT A HOME PHONE!
It actually came back late yesterday, long enough for me to chat with my old college roommate for close to 2 hours and now today, NOTHING.

Frustrating? YES. Will I spend half my day bitching about it like I did yesterday? I don't think so.

I did an image search in Google for a pic of E.T. and up popped a picture of this baby. I guess the parents also think the kid looks like E.T. because it appears they were the ones who posted it! Funny stuff. Then again, don't most newborns have a tendency to look like E.T.?

Personalized Skin Care

Tired of dull, dry winter skin? Check out this personalized skin consultation from Oil of Olay. You may find some inexpensive products to give your skin a little pick me up and keep the crackles at bay!

Olay for You

Life Savers Orange Mints

OMG these are soooo good.
They taste like a cross between orange certs and baby aspirin. I used to buy St. Joseph's Baby Aspirin (as an adult) and eat it like candy. In fact there's probably a few bottles in some purses in my closet. But now, since I've discovered these orange mints, there's no need to snack on aspirin anymore.

another Tom Cruise parody

Watch this first

then...

watch this!

I about wet my pants.

I'm canceling my gym membership...

-and getting one of these:

*UPDATE*

ELLEN JUST SHOWED A CLIP OF THIS ON HER SHOW AND HAS ORDERED THE CHAIR! ONCE IT ARRIVES, POSSIBLY FOR TOMORROW'S SHOW (THURSDAY THE 24th) SHE WILL SIT ON IT WHILE INTERVIEWING HER GUESTS!! DEFINITELY A SHOW TO WATCH!! or TIVO or DVR or VCR or BETA, WHATEVER YOU USE- JUST DON'T MISS IT!!!!

*************************************************************************************





I seriously thought this was a spoof informercial but apparently it's not. Can you even imagine working next to someone wiggling around in that sex chair?! Or trying to have a serious conversation with your boss while he's gyrating around like a horny gorilla? I think every office should have one just for the sheer entertainment value.

Thanks Chitown. I think you should get one for your classroom.

yep, still more COX to go around...

Ok no phone, no internet, no cable. That's where we're at right now as of noon. I'm typing this out in my email program and then will cut and paste it into my blog whenever I get re-connected.

Larry the technician is out in the front of our house digging in that same hole. Wrigs and Chum are not happy about this:


I went out to see what was going on and Larry is super nice and very competent which made me feel a little better. He is definitely not part of the COX SUCKERS Club.

Apparently the rains we've been having lately have flooded our COX BOX. Here's a picture:

Inside the box is all our wiring for cable and phone connectivity. It's one giant cluster fuck right now because water has seeped into the connection points so the entire component may need to be replaced. Larry's going to try and get the internet and cable back up but the phone seems to be a bigger issue. When he was down there digging around I said, "Be careful! Don't get electrocuted!" Larry said, "I make sure and wear rubber soled shoes, I kneel on this rubber mat, and I use rubber gripped tools so I should be ok!" I then said, "Oh that's good, you've got rubbers all around!" Yep, I'm quite the dork. But who cares. I just want my PHONE BACK UP!!! AND MY INTERNET! AND CABLE TOO!!

Go Larry! Go Larry! Fix my COX BOX! You can Do it! Go Larry!

Ok now Larry is talking on his walkie talkie. Sounds serious. Perhaps they are dispatching more COX SUCKERS for this mission!

update: It's 1:01 and I'm back online, the cable is working but the phone is fucked. Time to send in the Big Guns.

COX part II

I really hope this will be my last post on the phone issue but who the hell knows. And though challenging, I'll try to keep the profanity down to a minimum. Aw fuck, who am I kidding. I'm still pissed so I'm bound to drop an f bomb here and there.

I called the COX suckers from my cell phone again and was on hold for quite a while. After minutes of pushing my way through a pain in the ass automated menu I finally got to speak with a real live COX sucker. He informed me that there is no ETA on when my service will be up. Rather than continue to call them from my cell and wait and wait and wait I decided to use their website for online help. They have 24/7 Chat room help so I logged on, gave all my personal information and then sat alone in the chat room for several minutes until Carlos the analyst entered.

I only wish I was able to copy and save the chat. Their website does not allow that and based on our exchange I can understand why. I asked Carlos if he could let me know what is going on with my phone line and he responded that Chat help is only for Internet support. So I responded with, "But what if you can't connect to the net?" He told me then I would need to call the 800 number. I said "but what if you don't have a working phone?" He then forwarded me a link to EMAIL their Customer Service department. So it's really great to know if (or more like WHEN) my internet connection goes down I can use the online chat service or just email them my issue. Fucking MORONS!

I wasn't trying to be difficult and I told him so but all I wanted was to find out some info about my phone and since I didn't want to call from my cell phone and be stuck on hold for a half hour I thought I could do so with the chat room. Apparently not. He asked me if there was anything else I needed and I typed, "Yes. The name of another phone company." He signed off with their standard COX response of "thank you for using Cox your friend in the digital age" crap like that. I sat there staring at the screen then tried to copy it so I could e-mail it to their customer service dept. but none of the menu options would highlight. I'm sure that's intentional. Next time I will take a screen shot.

So while I still have a working internet connection I sent them an e-mail and attached the 2 pics of the digger from last week:

COX Support:

COX "services" are laughable at this point. If it's not the phone it's the internet or our TV flashes "poor quality signal" on a consistent basis. We pay $200 a month for this? It's a rip off. We have never had quality service with COX and I now have come to expect that at least one of our services (phone, internet, cable) will not be working properly on any given day. I have zero confidence in COX.

I'd like to know if this latest phone issue has anything to do with some random COX employee digging in our front yard last Friday? He never said what he was doing. Apparently my house is the only one in the neighborhood with issues. I guess that's why it's been almost 18 hours of no phone service. COX doesn't seem to make customers a priority.

I don't mean to direct my angst towards whoever is reading this but I am beyond frustrated at this point. We have a home based business and the inconvenience of not having a working phone number is a burden that carries many negative implications. Not that COX cares about this.

I'd love to know when my phone will be working again so I can finally use it to call a company that actually provides quality service.

Thank you.

Here are some pics of the random man in our yard from last week...
(I attached the 2 photos)

COX CABLE, PHONE, INTERNET SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOO ANNOYED. OK I'll lighten up with the CAPS but I just have to say I have HAD it with COX. THEY ARE COX SUCKERS!!!

We've had no home phone since 3:00 yesterday afternoon. And the worst part about this is Tom and I are launching a home based business and of course yesterday I spent the entire morning calling on R&D companies and manufacturers. I left messages for many of them and put our home number as the office number so now when they call they'll be greeted with a recording stating that there is facility trouble to this line! That really looks great! One guy called my cell at 9am stating he tried my home number and couldn't get through. THANK GOD I left my cell number but I wonder how many people will try that if they don't get through the first time. FUCK!

It's just so incredibly frustrating. I just had to vent. Supposedly the COX SUCKERS are going to send some incompetent fuck out to check the line because apparently it's only our house. Could the mystery digger from last week have something to do with this??? HMMMM??? Stupid fucks. I'm so pissed. I better sign off because I'm going to start using some foul fucking language and I'm a lady so I'll end this now.

Incompetent fuck: