Cujo Kitty

Here's some more of Chumley's rage. He's much better today probably because he got out all of his aggression during these tirades and also because he peed all over the BRAND new futon cover in my newly redecorated craft room. Tom comes home from work yesterday and sees the pee spot that I was just about to clean up and says, "That does it Laura! If he pees on ONE MORE THING in this house, HE'S GONE!!! I MEAN IT!!!" He's been saying that exact phrase for over a decade and now, there is literally nothing left in this house that has not been soaked in Chumley's urine. Doesn't that make all of you want to rush over and visit?? I'm headed to Target to get another set of rubber sheets, and yet another shower curtain. It's only a matter of time before we all expire from the plastic fumes in this house.

Attack Cat

Usually when Chumley's REALLY mad, I don't have a camera close by to capture his wrath. But fortunately for all of you, today was the exception. The camera was right there in the bedroom when all of this was taking place. Chumley was upset because I had worked 2 full days in a row (OH the HORROR!) and didn't spend much time with him. Then today I was gone from 9:30 until 4:30 and he had seriously had enough. So this is how he expresses himself...



(and no, I'm not naked, I'm just wearing a short skirt.)

Conversations with Tom

(this one just occurred less than 5 minutes ago)

He's in the new craft room (that I've finally finished cleaning) searching for Lord knows what in the closet. He's pulling out loads and loads of crap, spewing closet guts all over the couch and floor.

Tom: Have you seen the hacksaw?

me: Uhh, yeah. It's in my nightstand.

Tom: Why? Did you need it for something?

me: I'm kidding. I can't believe you'd think I know what a hacksaw is.

Tom: I know you've seen it. Where did you put it?

me: I didn't touch it.

Tom: How do you know if you don't even know what it is?

me: Well I know that in the last week, I didn't remove any sort of saw or sickle from this room.

Tom: But it was in here when I left. So unless one of the animals ran off with it...

me: Why do you instantly think that I'm the one who misplaces whatever "item of the day" you seem to lose??? I have not touched your hacksaw.

(he's searching around, this time with more force, grumbling to himself then he pops up)

Tom: Your constantly moving things around. I'm amazed when I do find something in this house.

(back to more searching)

Tom: Oh, here it is.

me: SEE! Where was it?

Tom: In my laundry basket.

me: Well that makes sense.


In case anyone else was wondering, this is what a hacksaw looks like...

...and apparently it is best kept in a laundry basket.

Back to the good stuff

Here's Wrigley eating one of his favorite treats...apple chunks!
Notice how s-l-o-w-l-y he sits. I swear the camera is on regular speed.


Now this is just lazy...

deep thoughts

I came across this passage on the internet that gave me comfort. Not sure who wrote it or if it's even in the Bible, but I like what it says. So I wanted to share it with others in case they needed a little lift...

PRIORITIES

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No.
I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy in life. God said No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as God loves me. God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is.

Bananas all around!

While eating a banana tonight, Wrigley was gazing up at me with the most pathetic look of starvation, and of course incorporating the head tilt. We never feed him table food (at the table, that is, we make sure to walk it into his bowl) but tonight I couldn't resist. Plus I wanted to catch this on film so I broke "well mannered dog etiquette rule #42."


Chumley's of course jealous because he sees me giving food to Wrigley so naturally he wants some. So I filmed his banana eating debut as well. Or should I say, banana sniffing debut. These videos certainly leave you on the edge of your seat, don't they?!


All this posting about bananas made me think of that children's cartoon Bananas in Pajamas. Anyone remember that? The theme song was so catchy. I found this alternate theme song on youtube that I like just as well.

Really, I'm not smoking anything. I just like the words to the song.

Chumley Drinking Wrigley's Water Part II

Here is the second installment of Chumley drinking Wrigley's water. I know, I know I'm clogging up the internet with these Academy award winning videos. I really must stop. But I can't help it. More to come in a moment.

This morning...

I was cutting up a peach for breakfast. Phone rings, left peach (about 3/4 whole) on the counter. Chatted on phone for a while, yabba dabba gab, end of conversation. Headed upstairs to do some housework: change sheets, clean the mirrors, dust, etc. Back downstairs I go and as I'm passing through the kitchen I see the knife and the cutting board. I think, "What the heck is that doing out?" Completely forgot about the peach. Well now it's gone. I've looked EVERYWHERE in this house and can't find it. Either it's wedged in a couch cushion or behind some big appliance and a day or two from now we'll have an army of ants and other creepy crawlies invading our home.

(or, and this is more likely the case)

It's in Wrigley's big fat belly which means the pit of the peach could become lodged in his intestinal tract like last year's mouse. I can't think about this right now.

We're screwed...

Why when reading this article below, does the movie Dumb and Dumber instantly pop into my mind?

golf is gross

Gross, the commentator on the golf channel just said, "Jerry Green's looking a little bit crusty now, seems to be browning out." What is that in reference to? Does he have a runny nose? That's just nasty. I hate golf.

Typical Sunday Afternoon

Of course Golf is on TV...

and Tom and Wrigs are asleep on the couch.

He just recently returned from playing golf (notice the clothes and hat), now he's sleeping to the sound of golf and when he wakes up he'll head outside for a few putts on the green. Yeah, I love our precious Sundays together.

If I even attempt to shimmy the remote from his hand, he wakes up (usually grunting) while tightening his grip. I was able to sneak a little video of this today...

Did you see that face he made??? So wicked! I know he means business when he shows me the bottom teeth. I'll try again in an hour or so.

Bath time for Wrigley

Since I was about as productive as a loaf of bread yesterday, I'm now making up for lost time. I seriously don't remember being that immobile since probably senior year of college. So today I'm moving at the speed of lightning. By 9:30 am I had already finished and folded laundry, grocery shopped, vacuumed and tended to the garden. Next on my list was to give Wrigs a bath. But first I needed some help getting him into the bathroom...

anyone else hate this commercial?

Since I've spent the majority of the day on the couch, I've watched quite a bit of TV. And for some reason this stupid ad for Yoplait has been playing at every commercial break. It drives me nuts. You're trying to tell me that this dumb ass thinks she's fat?? Give me a break. No wonder there are so many girls and women with eating disorders. If I had more energy I'd throw my cheeseburger at her face when she shoves that spoonful of yogurt into her mouth.

A Turtle's Pace

After working a long, hard day, Tom was happy to return home to his wife.

And with the help of a Carl's Jr. Cheeseburger and large fry, I am able to sit upright, slowly returning to the world of the living.

At the rate I'm going I should be able to brush my teeth by noon tomorrow.

I took a shower, that's about it.

This hangover is still kicking my ass. It feels like it's getting worse by the hour. All I managed to do today was take a shower. I wasn't even feeling that rotten until after the shower but I was able to take some video of what it's like when I'm in the bathroom. Ok that came out wrong. It's video of the ANIMALS in the bathroom. It's pretty boring til about halfway through, then there's a little action and about 3/4 through, Wrigley does the crazy eyebrow dance. My blogging friend's sweet angel boy Nick used to do the same thing.

Please ignore the deplorable condition of the wood floors in the video. My husband's in the midst of dry walling the bathroom ceiling so until he's done with that project it doesn't make sense to clean them. And be warned, the sound of my voice is excruciatingly nauseating in this one. I don't know how I managed to sound so chipper earlier in the day. Now I can barely utter the word water. I sound like Helen Keller's character in the movie The Miracle Worker.

a break in the case

I think we have finally solved the mystery behind Chumley peeing all over the windows in the study. Tom said he saw an Orange Tabby cat sleeping on the outside sill of the study windows. So that could definitely explain Chum's need to spray, he's just marking his territory. I find it so funny that in a cat's brain, that's the acceptable method of claiming what is yours. Just imagine if humans adopted the same mentality. If I saw another woman making the moves on my husband, I'd just whip off my pants and piss all over him. Back off woman, he's mine! Actually I know of a couple people who are into that sort of thing. Not my cup of tea. Or should I say "pee"? Ha ha he he ho ho ha. Oh brother, I'll stop there. I'm still hurtin' from this hangover. And we're out of ice in the ice maker and the only thing that helps flush this poison out of my system is drinking gallons and gallons of cold ice water. I've consumed at least 6 BIG glasses of water in the last 3 hours and I've only peed once. I know, enough with the pee talk.

too hungover to think of a title for this one

Not sure how long I can sit upright and type before running off to the bathroom but I'll try. I have one of those hangovers that actually gets worse as the day goes on. It wasn't that bad when I started out this morning but then around 10:30 BAM! It hit. Really bad. But we had a blast with our next door neighbors last night so I wanted to share some of the fun on here.

Around 6:30 the doorbell rings and it's our 5 year old neighbor Marissa, who is the CUTEST little girl in all of California. I open the door just a little because Chum is trying to get at her. She asks, "Can you come over for a cocktail?" Who can say no to that?!? So I said of course, put on some shoes and brought Wrigs along to play with their Golden, Lola, who humps poor Wrigs non stop. He just sits there and cries while she does it. He is SUCH a baby.

I'm greeted with my first Tequila Sunrise (not first ever, this was just the FIRST one of the night.) It was STRONG so I sipped it. We're outside chatting and playing this crazy tennis game with huge oversized tennis rackets and it was a lot of fun. Tom calls about an hour later and I hand the phone to Marissa to pretend that it's me. I was telling her what to say to him. They were on the phone almost 5 minutes! He realized it wasn't me but it was so funny to hear her ask him all these questions in a child's voice, "HOWWWW'S work??" then she'd giggle and say "When are you COOOMING HOOOOOOME?" We were all laughing so hard. Well this sparked an interest in her to make more phone calls to more people. So we called my friend Becky and they chatted for a while and when she got off the phone Marissa says, "If I keep hanging around you I'll end up in AA." Her parents got such a kick out of that one. Thanks Becky!

Tom heads over finally and has his first drink of the night. Marissa and I were playing with the fart machine that I brought and then I made the mistake of telling her that I usually prank call restaurants using the fart machine in the background (Outback is a personal favorite to call.) Her eyes got sooo big and she asked, "What do you sayyyyy?" I told her that I'll say something like (edited a little), "I am calling because I was just in your restaurant and I ordered a Bloomin' Onion...and now I'm on the toilet with bad poopies!" (then I start clicking the fart machine noise in the background.) Marissa laughed the loudest belly laugh I've ever heard a kid make. And she was stomping her feet. She exclaims, "Let's call them NOW!!!" I told her that it's probably not a good idea because we could get in trouble and that sometimes I get in trouble with Tom when I make these calls. So then we decided to pretend to prank call each other, so she holds her hand in the shape of phone and pretends to dial me. The adults are sitting off a little ways, involved in some serious conversation about a car or motorcycle accident, I couldn't really hear, and Marissa and I are sitting on this little stoop. So she dials me up and says, "Hello?" I say, "Hello." She then says, "Hi, do you want to know something?" I say, "Sure, what is it?" She says quite loud, "Sometimes??? I poop AND pee at the SAME TIME!! BYE!!!" And then erupts into more belly laughs. I am now doubled over trying not to spit out my drink, my cheeks and stomach hurting. After the laughter subsides, she looks at me all serious and says very matter of fact, "Looora? I really don't poo and pee at the same time. I just made that up." My God, I love this kid.

So the night goes on and we realize at 10:30 that none of us have eaten dinner. We're a bit buzzed from the cocktails so we want to order something that can be delivered. But we all want steaks. So the 3 guys head off to the nearest grocery store which is just down the street to get steaks and a side dish. I'm thinking, "Can we trust them to get this on their own?" They come back with Steaks and Blueberry pound cake. The party's now been moved to our back yard and as I'm looking through the bag of food I said, "This is it??" Tom says, "Yeah. That's what everyone wanted, Steaks. Get some plates down and we'll have steaks on a plate." I'm looking at him like he's on crack but I reach for the plates and then he says, "Wait! We're having steaks AND cake on plates! Steaks and cakes on plates!" And he thinks this is the funniest thing ever. He said it at least 3 more times and would laugh and laugh and laugh. Yeah he was a bit sloshed. Ok the waves of nausea are hitting me again. I'll post this for now and add more later....

today's words

BOWLING |ˈbōli ng | noun: a sport in which players attempt to score points by rolling a ball along a flat surface in order to knock down objects called pins.

used in a sentence: "Is bowling really a sport?"

HANGOVER |ˈha ng ˌōvər| noun: a severe headache or other after effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol.

used in a sentence: "I seem to have a hangover every Saturday."

TEQUILA |təˈkēlə| noun: a Mexican liquor made from an agave. ORIGIN Mexican Spanish, named after the town of Tequila in Mexico, where the drink was first produced.

used in a sentence: "I will never drink tequila again."

all words in a sentence: "You know your hangover from Tequila Sunrise cocktails must be REALLY bad when the World Championship Bowling Tournament is on TV, yet you are too sick to reach across the other end of the couch for the remote to change the channel."

More Enrique

In case you didn't know I'm in MAD love with Enrique Iglesias (not in an adulterous kind of way) I just love his passion for music, his charisma, and his energy on stage. It's unbelievable. You just have to see one of his concerts to know what I'm talking about.

And I ESPECIALLY love this song. I just can't get enough of it. (still waiting for his music video, for now this Dancing with the Stars, Holland style will have to do)


Still waiting on the tour dates for this year. Bridget?? Any updates??

Warning. Extremely cute photos ahead....

I seem to Chumley Bash on this blog quite a bit (for good reason) but I just had to share some photos of Chum's early days. Hold onto your seat. They are so fricking CUTE!!!!

As a little guy, he used to love sitting by the fridge, it emitted some warmth from below. He would just sit there. I only had him a few days when this photo was taken so he was still in the "getting to know you" phase.


Since he was found so young (he was only 4 weeks when his litter was found on the side of a road, it was assumed his mom was hit by a car) he was soooo tiny when I adopted him. He literally fit in the palm of my hand, and I have small hands. Damn was he cute!


And then he grew up.