Quick update & Sausage Fest

I'm sitting in Panera Bread with my mom and my computer battery is in the red so I don't know if I'll be able to post much. Here's what I've done so far on my Chicago trip....

Took a picture of the city while in the airplane...

Went to my dentist. (Yes my dentist is over 2000 miles away) LOVE HIM!

We seriously took close to 10 pictures but we're both SOOO vain and kept making my mom take new ones. This was one of the only ones that was almost halfway decent but it's still not that good. The lighting in his office must be improved. He promises to work on that for next time.

Visited with friends at my favorite restaurant, Yoshis (and yes this was the same day as my dentist visit - I swear, I'm not wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row!) I miss you guys soooo much. Why can't you guys just pack up and move out to California!?!?! Oh how I would LOOOOOVE that.



We're headed to Florida first thing tomorrow to see my Grandmother. She's already made a smorgasbord? or is it smorgasborg? have no idea. Anyway, she made a shitload of food for us including, Perogies, Galumpkies, Blueberry Cake and Lasagna. And tomorrow night my husband is attending a friend's annual summer Sausage Fest party. His buddy has a huge bash and cooks several different kinds of sausages: brats, dawgs, knockwursts (love that word) and each year a few meat heads try to beat last year's record of sausage consumption. Tom was in the running last year but I quickly shut him down once the sausages started making their way through his intestinal tract. Well this year he's flying solo so he may just come home with the title and trophy. Oh, dare to dream...


At least this year I don't have to sleep next to him!

Naughty Wrigley

So Wrigley has a nasty habit of going into the bathroom garbage and pulling out whatever happens to be in there and then running around the house like a madman with whatever gem he finds. Well, um this time, I wasn't exactly sure what it was he had until I got closer and...well, let's just say this particular item isn't in the garbage everyday - more like every 28 days...

Ok last post!

Before I leave for vacation, I'll leave you with this...

A picture of our scrabble board from over the weekend. We played with my sister and her husband and yes, we are ALL demented. I apologize in advance if I offended anyone.

time for a break

I think I jinxed myself by posting the picture of the worm larvae yesterday. I just found worms in Wrigley's poop. I am heading BACK to the vet in a bit to get him on meds. I was just there yesterday to test Chumley's pee! Why you ask? Well because Chumley has now decided that he likes to pee all over our windows in the study. I spent most of Sunday cleaning and scouring the windows, walls, and the window seat and then I had to throw away 5 of my favorite throw pillows that I've collected over the years. Not an hour after I cleaned up the mess the first time, there was another gigantic puddle of pee. He had sprayed the windows again and it was dripping down the panes, onto the walls and floor. I was ready to tie a rubber band around his little peeper but then I thought to myself, "What if this is the ONE time when there really is something medically wrong with him?" So I decided against it. I was able to siphon up a large amount of pee which I put into a empty jar of lip gloss.

Here is a recap of yesterday's vet visit:

me: Hi, I'm here to drop off some of my cat's urine, I called ahead and they said it's ok to bring it in for testing.

new girl: Oh, ok. So, you were able to collect urine from your cat??

me: Yeah, I was able to catch most of it while it was still dripping down the windows. The rest, I suctioned up from the floor with a turkey baster and squirted into this jar. It used to be my favorite lip gloss. (I sort of chuckled, trying to down play the embarrassment of it all)

new girl: Oh my God. Wow, ok... so does he urinate on the windows regularly?

me: No not at all. This is a totally something new so that's why I'm concerned that something may be wrong with him. He usually just pees on our beds and pillows. And occasionally the back of our couch but he's been better about that lately.

new girl: SERIOUSLY?

(now a man standing with his wife and enormous pit bull moves closer to the counter to join in the conversation)
Man: Your cat has problems!

me: I know, he's got a few issues but I just hope they aren't caused by something serious.

new girl: We can have the urine sent to our lab for testing but since it's already been exposed to the air and the windows, and the floor, there's going to be bacteria in it so the test is not going to be 100% accurate. It's really best that you bring the cat in so the doctor can obtain a sterile sample with a needle.

me: Unfortunately, it's really, very challenging bringing him in. I don't want to have to put him through that, or have you guys suffer through it.

new girl: Well, it's really the best way to get results if there's an infection.

me: Would it be harmful to put him on antibiotics just in case there was an infection without getting another sample?

new girl: The doctor doesn't like to do that unless he sees and examines the animal first.

(Another girl named Alyssa, who had actually encountered Chumley in the flesh (literally) when we taped the vet portion of the Desperate Housecats Pilot, walks into the reception area. I'm not sure I blogged about that experience but it was one of the worst visits he had ever had at the vet. I left with tears streaming down my face and the doctor said he had never seen a cat that aggressive in all of his years. He was not able to do any sort of examination because Chumley was trying to eat the doctors limbs and face.)

Alyssa: Oh hi! Are you here for Wrigley?

me: No, this time it's for Chumley, the cat.

(best way to describe the expression on her face: Egads!)
Alyssa: Oh NO. Is he here?

me: No no, don't worry he's at home. I just brought in a sample of urine for testing. I'm afraid he might have an infection of some sort.

Alyssa: (deep breath) Ohhh, ok. Well we can take care of that for you and we should have the results back tomorrow.

new girl: (to Alyssa) But since she got the urine at home, actually it was dripping down the windows and then on the floor-

Alyssa: (her eyes bugging out) It was???

me: (embarrassed) yep.

new girl: So since there's other bacteria in there, the doctor's going to want to get a sample from the cat before putting him on medication.

Alyssa: Um, probably not in this situation.

Man: (now leaning into the conversation) Is the cat really THAT bad?

Alyssa: Ohhhh you have NO idea.

Man: And we thought we had problems! (as he points to the teeth baring pit bull his wife is trying to restrain)

So I just finished typing this up before I head to the vet but before I sat down I cleaned out Chumley's litter box. I had left one lone little poop in there to drop off to be tested for worms as well. As I'm heading up the stairs I hear LOUD WET CHEWING and Wrigley comes blasting out of the room (where we keep Chum's litter) chomping away like he's chewing a giant piece of bubblegum. Yep, my sample is gone.

I am REALLY looking forward to a break away from these two. Tom can deal with the worms and urine issues while I'm gone. I've had enough.

I'll be back in a week, although I may take some coffee breaks here and there while in Chicago and Florida and post more nonsense. At least it won't be about the animals or the husband! Hallelujah!

Bitties

Today I had to make a quick stop at Trader Joe's and I went to the one that is located right next to a retirement village. I don't often go there because it's an obstacle course trying to maneuver the already defective wheeled Trader Joe's cart through a sea of motorized chairs and walkers outfitted with tennis balls. I mean no disrespect but I was in a hurry and I needed to make this quick. I had just got my cart when this very elderly woman pitters over to me asking for help finding the avocados. I had already passed produce and was heading towards meats but of course I had to help her. I happily went back to the veggie tables and looked all around (while abandoning my cart) but couldn't find any avocados. Then finally at the very last table I saw a 3 pack of vegetables for salsa making: an avocado, tomato and onion. So I grabbed the plastic box and ran back over to the little lady.

I showed her what I found and she said, rather gruff, "I don't want that!" And then waved her hand at me! I said, "Ok then, well I can't find any avocados over there." So I turned and ran all the way back to veggies to return the salsa making kit. The woman was already onto something else and when I passed her I whispered to myself "You're welcome." I'm sure she didn't hear.

Then, I couldn't find my cart. I only had 2 things in there, a bag of onions and a cucumber so fine, I wasn't that upset but still now I had to go all the way back outside, wait for another old lady to maneuver her cart out of the chain of conjoined carts and she was taking her own sweet time trying to get them unlatched so I just stood back and waited. And waited. Then I got my cart and now was on a mission. I zoomed through the aisles and picked up as much as I could (felt like a contestant on super market sweep) and then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a bunch of hanging bags of avocados. Dilemma. Do I try and locate the old ungrateful ninny that yelled at me because I didn't find the right avocados the first time?

Well that's what I did. I found her and told here where they were. Actually walked her to the location. I should have just brought the bag with me because it would have saved the 7.2 minutes it took for her to get there. So then she says, "How much are they??" I tell her they are $3.99. "Ohhh Heavens! That's too much!" Again in a voice that teetered on the edge of anger. "Alright...I was just trying to help." Her: "Well I'm not going to spend that much on a bag of avocados!" At this point I'm thinking, "Does she think I work here?"

I just had to walk away and avoid this woman for the rest of my shopping excursion which was supposed to be quick. So I gathered what I needed, headed to check out and then waited in line behind another old woman, probably older than the avocado lady. The guy ringing her up pulled out the remaining items in her cart, two of which were a bag of onions and a cucumber. The lady shrieks, "Oh, I don't want those. I don't know how those got in there!" I said, "I do," but this time it wasn't a whisper.

Summertime Dessert

Thanks to my good friend Bernie, for this incredibly delicious and simple dessert recipe. Perfect for warm summer nights!

-Core Large Strawberries
-Dip into Sour Cream (yes SOUR cream, not whipped cream)
-Dip into Brown Sugar (not the fine granulated kind, I like the bigger granules - Trader Joe's makes an Organic Brown Sugar that's perfect)
-Eat until your stomach implodes

This is one of the most delicious desserts I have ever had. I made this tonight and we couldn't stop eating them!

Dinner is Served

Does this look right to you?? That is tonight's dinner cooking on the stove. Something does not look right to me. One piece has sort of inverted into itself and I can't straighten it out. I tried but I only burn my fingertips and splatter grease all over my shirt. I'm tired of having to fight with my food while cooking so I'm taking a break from it for a while. I asked Tom to come and take a look at the twisted meat and he made a face and said, "Yikes. I'm not that hungry anyway." Then he sat on the couch to watch the Homerun Derby. I continued to fuss with this curled up meat and finally when it looked more like food than an internal organ I told Tom the lamb was ready. He said, "THAT'S LAMB???" At least I've got salad making down to a science.

Anyone need a toilet???

It's Free.



And it's just sitting outside somebody's house. You don't know how tempted I am to walk up with a newspaper in hand, drop my pants and sit. I'd casually read the paper, and smile and wave at people driving by or those walking their babies and dogs. And of course I'd have to use the fart machine from time to time just to throw in some "realism". Hmm smells like a youtube clip is just around the corner...

Hair Today, More Tomorrow

Does anyone else lose a ton of hair when they shower? It's amazing I don't have huge bald patches all over my scalp. I seriously lose GOBS and GOBS of hair after I condition. It's always been this way so it's not a medical concern but I just don't understand why my hair doesn't appear to be getting any thinner. Does hair regenerate? If it does wouldn't we have fresh new little sprouts sticking out everywhere? I just don't get it. Maybe the unhealthy hair follicles are the first to fall out so that is why they easily fall off in the shower. Over the weekend I left a giant wet ball of wadded up hair sitting on the ledge in the shower. Tom then took his shower and when he was done he said, "Can you kindly dispose of your bush when finished with your shower?" Of course now it's sitting on his pillow.

How to tell if your husband loves you...

He comes back from a business trip and brings you worm larvae.

Larvets, the Original Worm Snax

Thanks sweety!

Um, does it come with a return policy?

The decision to bring a child into this world is not one that my husband and I have ever taken lightly. We've been married 9 years and am I ready for the responsibilities of motherhood? HELL NO! I don't feel any more ready now than the day we said "I do." Heck, we could be married 90 years and I STILL don't think I'd feel ready. But we don't have 90+ years for this feeling to kick in, so maybe we have to come to the realization that it's never going to hit. It'd be much easier for all of us if there was some magical Motherhood light bulb that clicks on in your head (or reproductive system) signaling that the time is right. I am waiting to hear some pleasant woman's automated voice in my head say, "Ok, Laura, the time is now. You are ready for Motherhood, so begin the Pro-creation process now. Have a nice day." But instead my own little inner voice screams: "WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?? Just last week you left an entire trunk full of groceries in the car for 2 days! And how many times have you forgot to feed the dog? And let's not forget your love for white wine, my dear! How many glasses did you throw back last night? Yeah, I lost count too. Sure, you're well on your way to becoming Mother of the Year!!

One of the things that scares me the most is that having a baby is irreversible. There's no turning back once that screaming prune comes shooting out into this world. It has got to be the most important decision of anyone's life. I'm not saying other decisions like marriage, or career changes aren't significant, they just are not as permanent. You get married, it doesn't work, you CAN get divorced. You take a new job, you don't like your boss, you CAN quit. You move to the boondocks of Minnesota, you realize it's making you crazy, you CAN move someplace else. You still have the control to make choices that will change the outcome of your situation. God, I sound like a control freak, but still it's not something you can easily do with your own offspring. Even if you realize you're not cut out for this, you CANNOT return this child to where it came from. If attempted, you'll die in the process.

I also have quite a few worries that don't entirely revolve around the lack of a mother instinct. This world is NOT the same place it was 30, 20 even 10 years ago and there are very legitimate fears that we face today in regards to the safety of our children that were not so prevalent in the past. Yes, there have always been child predators, but did they have such easy access to their targets 20 years ago? And yes, there have always been gangs and violence in schools but did these same kids play hours and hours worth of realistic video games that actually reward them the more people they mutilate and slaughter? I know as a parent you can control what websites your child visits, what television shows they watch and whether or not they will play video games. But what you can't control is when that child is out that door and out of your sight, who else they come in contact with. We obviously can't leave this up to the schools to regulate, so unless your kid is home schooled, every day is a threat to their overall safety. And don't even get me started on the whole war on terror and what predictions are now being made for the next 5-10 years. Seriously I don't think I would allow my child out of the house (or built in bomb shelter) ever. Ok now I sound like Debbie Downer and that is not my intention here. I just start rambling and go off on tangents but these are the things I think about! I really should edit and revise but that is not the purpose of this blog. I just write whatever comes out so I can sort out my racing thoughts. I don't mean to come across so negative however, I'm just being realistic. Although maybe a little Xanax wouldn't hurt. I'll take one now, where's my wine?

Chumley drinking water

(This was early in the morning and he woke up grumpy this particular day. Shocking, I know.)

Having a day like this....

Fortunately

Ok so now it's after 2:00am and I can't sleep. Why you ask? Well because I have a nagging headache and am overcome by the toxic fumes from yet another NEW plastic shower curtain on our bed. Tom has no problem falling asleep, nor does this snoring cat next to me (the reason for the new curtain.) Chumley has been on a peeing spree the last few days and according to Tom, it's only a matter of time before he meets his maker (who that is, we're not so sure.)

Sunday afternoon Tom took Chum's upstairs litter box outside for a good scrubbing. So Chum was without it for a good 45 minutes. He still had the one downstairs for back up but apparently he's too lazy to walk down a flight of stairs, so instead he unloads all over our bed. Fortunately, it was curtained. Unfortunately, we didn't realize this until later in the night before we headed up to bed around midnight. Tom whipped off the shower curtain and was himself, showered in Chumley's urine. It also got all over the floor, the bottom half of the comforter and it dripped down onto the foot board of the bed. Tom was exhausted and jet lagged but had to head into the shower to clean himself and the shower curtain. I took care of floor and comforter clean up as Chumley just sat back and watched. Living this way for 13 years reminds me of a book I loved as a kid,Fortunately by Remi Charlip. It's about a series of good, then bad events that happen to a boy named Ned.

Here's an excerpt:
Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party.
Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away.
Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane.
Unfortunately, the motor exploded.
Fortunately, there was a parachute in the airplane.
Unfortunately, there was a hole in the parachute.

So, I thought I'd list what it's been like with Chumley:
Fortunately, Chumley is now 13 years old.
Unfortunately, he's as healthy as an ox and has the potential to last another decade.

Fortunately, he can be good when bribed with his favorite food, hot broccoli.
Unfortunately, the broccoli must pass through his digestive system and into his litter box.

Fortunately, unwelcome intruders will never make it past the front door.
Unfortunately, family and dear friends have have left our home screaming and bloody.

Fortunately, at night Chumley finds comfort sleeping on the pillow with me.
Unfortunately, due to his diet, he often blows bottom bubbles directly at my face.

Fortunately, Tom is able to come up with helpful suggestions when dealing with Chumley.
Unfortunately, his latest one involves drop kicking him off our balcony into a coyote filled hillside.

sleep talker

I was in the middle of posting another entry when Tom starts talking in his sleep right now, as I type. (Yes, it's almost 2:00 am.) He just mumbled, "The table is wet where we keep the computer." I said, "Are you sure about that?" He says BACK to me, "Yeah, yeah thank you for agreeing with me." WHAT THE HELL was that???

He also sleep walks. One time before a big business trip he SHOT out of bed in the middle of the night, grabbed the remote control from the nightstand, walked over to his packed briefcase, OPENED up the briefcase, put the remote inside and then headed back to bed. It was one of the freakiest things I'd ever seen. I was too afraid to even ask him what he was doing for fear that he might go into a violent sleep walking rage and pummel me to death with the remote. (I remember seeing a Dateline episode where a man would sleep walk and do all sorts of really bizarre things - he tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich using his cordless phone as the bread.)

When I asked Tom to check his briefcase in the morning he found the remote and laughed, thinking I had put it there. I told him what he did during his sleep walking escapade and he had no memory whatsoever. Insert Twilight Zone music here.

Guess the burper

in this clip...

Mystery Burper

a) The Hubby

b) My Sister

c) Great Aunt Edith

d) Me

e) Chumley the Cat

Tom's Auto Spa

While we're on the topic of annoying things...

One time when Tom was out in the driveway washing his car, I noticed what used to be a NEW bottle of Williams Sonoma dish soap sitting HALF EMPTY next to his bucket of water. I could feel the veins in my forehead starting to pop and ran out of the house screaming "Noooooooooooo!" I swiped the bottle, cradling it in my arms while spewing off a few choice words to Tom who was lathering away oblivious to the crime scene. He tells me not to get hot about it and then goes back to sudsing up the hood...while whistling. (Whistling in times of crisis is another one of my pet peeves so I'm REALLY lovin' this.) He then tells me...

"What's the big deal? It's SOAP! Soap is Soap whether it's on your hands, the dishes or a car! So don't get all worked up. I'll buy you another bottle. What is it two, three bucks?"

"More like nine."

"WHAT?!? NINE dollars for soap that is used to wash DISHES?!? You have got to be out of your freakin' MIND! NINE dollars for that small bottle??"

"Yes, but I don't use it that often, only on the stuff I don't put in the dishwasher. You just used 6 months of dish soap in ONE car washing."

"Shit. Now I'm glad I didn't use your shower gel."

"Well now I'm glad your car smells like Pink Grapefruit."



*update: Tom just read this post and reminded me of something. While he was washing the car, (before I even saw the soap and started my rant) our neighbor and friend Lori had come home and saw that he was using the Williams Sonoma dish soap. Tom said her eyes bugged out of her head and she said, "Laura's NOT going to like that." And Tom just shrugged it off. (By the way, I'm convinced if Lori saw her husband using her dish soap to clean his car, he would probably be missing at least one limb.) So, Tom had FAIR warning to know that what he was doing was completely asinine yet he chose to continue on with washing and whistling.

The things we love...

Tom and I have this thing we do when we're annoyed at something the other one does, we'll say, "I love it when you....(insert annoying habit/pet peeve here.)" It still gets the point across but since we're using it in the same sentence with the word love, it doesn't seem so critical and harsh.

So this morning on our walk around the lake, OUT OF THE BLUE he starts in with...

him: "I love it when you leave the sponge you use to clean up Chumley's pee in MY sink, so that when I get up to brush my teeth in the morning, I have to rinse off the pee sponge with one hand before I can spit out my toothpaste."

me: "You love that do you? I knew you would. Well speaking of sponges, I love it when I come upstairs to the bathroom and find you scrubbing the hardware in the shower with my body loofah. I REALLY love that."

him: "That's why I do it, 'cause you love it so much! But really, if someone cleaned the shower more frequently, I wouldn't have to use your body loofah to wipe down the layers of scum and grime before I take my shower." (now he reaches for my hand)

me: "Ahhh, you're so sweet. And I do love how ridiculously ANAL you are about cleanliness. It's quite cute." (I give his hand an uncomfortably tight squeeze.)

him: "Well, we're a good balance because I love how completely unaffected you are when it comes to living in squalor. How many months has the dining room table been covered in all your crafts? I love that you can look at that crap day in and day out and not be fazed by the mess. But I wonder... if I were to bring out my entire tool shed and lay out all my tools and kept them there for 6 months would you love that as much as I do?" (this time a tighter squeeze and rough swing of the arm.)

me: "You're right about that! I'd love it sooo much! But I don't want you to have to go to the trouble of doing that. There's already so many other things I love about you! Oh, oh, here's one of my favorites....when you come home from work and decide to take off your dress shoes while in the bathroom...I LOVE how you just happen to leave them there so the next morning when I use the bathroom in the dark I trip over them almost BASHING my face into the toilet. Oh how I LOVE that!"

him: "First of all, it's hardly dark when YOU wake up in the morning. And secondly, I LOVE how you wake up like a zombie clod hopping around the house, staring straight ahead like Frankenstein, barking out orders to me and the animals while tripping over anything in your path including...the animals! It's ok to look down sometimes you know."

(long pause)
me: "You know what I REALLY love??"

him: "Can't wait to hear this."

me: "You."

America's Most Trusted News Source?

I saw something on CNN several days ago and it's been bugging me ever since. I'll get it off my chest here so I can move on.

I can't find the name of the newscaster who was anchoring the show but he was a black male probably in his mid to late 30's and was interviewing a political analyst regarding the '08 elections. They were discussing the amount of fundraising dollars the presidential candidates have raised thus far. Obama was in the lead with $32 mil, HC was next at $27 mil and then there's Rudy at $17 mil. Mitt and McCain round out the top 5 with $14 and $11.2 mil respectively.

The anchor said something like this (since I can't remember his name, I'm not able to locate transcripts so forgive the paraphrasing here)

Anchor: "Let's look at Obama's numbers. Now, speaking as a black male in our society, when in this country have we seen a black man receive this much money aside from shooting hoops on the basketball court?"

The PA seemed sort of dumbfounded by this and I can't remember his response, probably because I was still replaying the initial question in my head. So here's what's been bugging me: Do you think this anchor would still be employed if he was say, Don Imus? I am not so sure. So just because this anchor is a black man he gets a free ticket to spout off bigoted stereotypes? I'm tired of these "acceptable" double standards in our society, on the media and throughout our country. Any way you slice it, what he said was undeniably prejudiced. There, I feel better now.

And while I was google searching all sorts of words and phrases regarding this particular segment I came across this picture. Check out the guy in the white shirt in the background. How awesome is that?

Almost a house boat

When people say California will one day break apart and fall off into the Pacific, I think this house is getting a head start...


It's one of my favorite houses in Laguna, but look how you can see the ocean straight through the other side of the cliff? In the event of an earthquake that just can't be safe.

We all remember the mudslides from a few years ago. Click on photos to enlarge. Especially the second one. Look how the houses just slid right off the cliff.

And then the emergency goats were brought in to chomp away at what was left of the dried out vegetation. Here they come, single file please...

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp. "Mmmm mmmm dried out weeds and sticks are oh so yummy!"

"Hey, check this out Gertie! Fresh leaves right here in this tree!"

With bellies full, it's time for a nap. Well done fellas!!

"Hey, Gus...what's up with the crazy lady taking all these pictures?"

How to tell if your cat loves you

When (or in our case, "IF") he uses his litter box, his pee clumps form the shape of a heart. So sweet!


Or...
While you're working at the dining room table, he squeezes into the lid of a shoe box, just to be close to you. Either way, it's a sure sign of love.



HOW TO TELL IF YOUR DOG LOVES YOU

He's breathing.

Pool drain rips out part of girl’s intestinal tract

6 yr old disemboweled

My mom used to warn me about pool and hot tub drains sucking in long hair but this is unbelievable. This poor little girl. Please say prayers for her.

You can't NOT wiggle when you hear this song...

It's such a happy song!
"I can listen to it Ohhhh-ver! I can listen to it Oh-verrr Ba-by."
hee hee hee

just watch this...

Thanks Peter!

Happy 4th of July

Have a fun and peaceful day with family and friends. Enjoy summer's heat, run in the sprinkler, relax on the porch and sip some lemonade.
And tonight...enjoy the fireworks!

the flasher

I had to run some errands this afternoon and one of them involved stopping at Nordstrom's to pick up this spray to help control frizzies in the summertime.

I've been really good about sticking to a budget since the new year so I made my purchase and was on my way. I tried hard to not let my peripheral vision get the best of me but eventually it won out while strutting past shoes. I just had to take a peek. So I browsed a few of the sandal displays and ooh-ed & ahh-ed at the latest summer styles. Several sales people smiled and nodded but not one offered to help. I thought maybe Tom put them up to this, alerting all shoe staffers to avoid me like the plague (similar to the code red alert he implemented once I entered the store at the Mall of America.)

So I continued to check out a few more tables of shoes even though I was blatantly ignored by the sales people on the floor. One older gentleman smiled at me, then averted his eyes a bit lower, towards my chest and raised his eyebrows. I thought, "Ok, that's a little odd", but continued about my business. I walked passed a mirror and then stopped dead in my tracks after catching a brief glimpse of what I hoped was someone else. The shirt I was wearing was a white cotton button up halter however, two buttons across my chest had come undone baring my mammaries for all to see. I was wearing a bra, but it is the most HIDEOUS piece of underwear I own. Since I was wearing a halter top I had to wear a strapless bra and the only somewhat comfortable one I have is from the late 90's which is tattered with loose threads and has been washed so many times that it's now brain matter gray in color. And as if that's not bad enough, I had to wear the bra extra low so that you couldn't see it from the back of the shirt so at some point during my strut around the store I'm certain a few people saw some nip action. Or at the very least areola action.

Speaking of which, did you know that there exists an areola color chart?
I really like the pinkish brown color for our spare bedroom. Do you think if I printed out the areola color chart and brought it to Home Depot they could match up paint? It's worth a try.

Fun Time Frostys are here!

Tom's not going to appreciate this post but oh well, I haven't much else to say. We don't often eat fast drive-thru food but when we do I like to have a little fun. Especially when he's driving, and has to place the order. He's always so serious and matter of fact whenever he orders, unlike me, who often times adopts a Swedish or Asian accent, depending on the mood. It's funny when ordering with an Asian accent and then pulling up to get the food, the employee at the window hesitates before giving me the bag because they assume it's not the right car!! So, the other day we were at Wendy's ordering up some old fashioned burgers and fries. Tom was in his "quit your clowning, it's time to order" zone so I had to settle down. When he asked me what I wanted to drink I told him, "I'll have those new Fun Time Frosty's." He said, "What's that? I don't see it on here." I told him, "You have to order it special, it's a limited time Frosty." He shrugs it off then says loudly and seriously into the speaker, "And one Fun Time Frosty please." The voice from the speaker replies, "Excuse me?" Tom repeats, "One FUN time Frosty." (this time huge emphasis on the FUN.) I was trying so hard to contain my laughter when Tom turns to me and says, "Are you sure it's a Fun Time Frosty? Did you see this on some commercial somewhere?" I nod yes because it's all I can do to hold back the laughter that was about to explode in my stomach then out my mouth. The employee then says, "Do you want a Frosty, sir? What size?" Tom turns to me and I say, "Super Duper Deluxe Jumbo-" as he cuts me off and turns to the speaker and says, "Small" then pulls straight ahead to the pick up window.

From now on he will only order items that he can see listed on the menu.

Wrigs and Chum in a stare down

The Constant Gardener

Gosh, it sure is late outside. Who's that in our yard? Is it a prowler? A burglar?? A peeping TOM???


Let's get a closer look. Well, it's Tom all right but he doesn't seem to be peeping (at least not tonight.) So what's he doing??? It's almost midnight for Pete's sake!


Oh, I see...he's laying sod. Yeah, that makes sense. The sod had been delivered earlier in the day and he had just returned home from Europe that same evening and didn't want to waste a second. Does the phrase "he certainly doesn't let grass grow under his feet" apply here? Yes, I think it does.



Now, I love my husband dearly and if it wasn't for him, I probably would have nothing to write about on this blog, but really, did he have to use a floor lamp to light this project? I'm convinced our neighbors think we're on crack.



I started snapping some pics using the flash which helped to shed more light so Tom could make sure he was matching up the pieces. Then as I watched the expressions on the faces of those driving by, I burst into fits of giggles and couldn't contain myself. We are seriously "that crazy couple" in the neighborhood.



Tom was not in a laughing mood (just click on pic #2 and enlarge to see his face) so I decided to snap some photos of our faithful companion on the other side of the fence. There he was watching us from afar, looking somewhat embarrassed. Can you blame him?!?



I just about had my fill of excitement when all of a sudden a LOUD buzzing creature of the night flew right passed my head. I wasn't sure if it was a beetle, or a hummingbird or maybe even a bat?? But it did leave a nice juicy splat of it's fecal matter on my shorts. Thanks!



I screamed, then ran into the garage convulsing and I hear Tom say to himself, "That's what you get for laughing!" Whatever. Why is it that he's out there for 3 hours and I pop out for 5 minutes yet I'm the one to get shit on? Or whenever we do yard work together (in the daylight hours) I'm always the one to get stung by a bee or sit in the middle of a colony of fire ants. Or discover a rotting rat carcass along the side of the house. Although I'm convinced he saw it first and just sat back and waited for me to find it. I'll spare you all that photo.

cantaloupe

has just been added to the garden. Fascinating, I know.

Home-made Green Tea Iced Lattes

Why pay $4 for one of these...

When (for less than 40 CENTS a serving) you can make the same, if not better, drink at home using this? (cat not included)...


This is Trader Joe's Matcha Latte Green Tea Mix and it's phenomenal. It sells for $3.99 and comes in a 10 oz. can. The serving suggestion says to use 3 TABLEspoons per 3 - 4 ounces of milk but personally, that's too green tea-y for me. Instead I use 2 TEAspoons so technically, my homemade drink costs me about a Quarter! And I got this tranquil zen looking tumbler at Target that cost $1.99 and I'm still not even close to the price of one Starbucks treat. (Again, cat not included)...



And the best part is, it's fat free, low in sodium and contains no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. And unlike other green tea or chai tea latte mixes, you don't have to boil the milk or water. You can mix it straight into your cold beverage. It's a big hit here at our house.

In case you were wondering why other countries hate us...