Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Ted Haggard on Divorce Court

April 1st and 2nd.

Check your local listings for air times because this is something you don't want to miss.

Remember him??

This is going to make for some goooood Reality TV.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Audio momism

I just figured out a way to download audio to my mobile phone, upload it to my online album, attach it via email, then download it onto my laptop and finally upload to blogger. And it only took 57 minutes!!! I really should have kept that flippin' i-phone Tom got me.

Anyway, I thought I would share a typical voice mail message from my mother. As you're listening, imagine "Wwaa Wwwwaaaa" sounds in the background. Remind you of someone??? And since it was just an audio message I video taped a photograph of my mother while playing her message but since it was via my cell phone, the quality is really bad. Again...should have kept that fricking i-phone!

So here it is. See if you can pick out the Momisms. I counted 2.

video

(oh and if you couldn't tell, my mom's nickname for me is "Bum" which really never bothered me before but after spending 6 months in Seattle, I think it's time for a new one.)

mental blockage

I just had complete blockage of the brain. I could not remember the word for camera. I'd been looking for it everywhere, then finally I called Tom to see if he had it but it came out more like this..

"Have you seen the um, the...CRAP! What's that thing called??"

"Uhhhm, I'm not really sure but I'm on another call."

"Wait!! I'm looking for the PICTURE TAKER!"

"The picture taker??"

"OMG I can't think. I need to find the F*CKING thing that takes pictures!!!"

"The camera?"

"YES! Do you have it??"

"Yes, I have the picture taker. I'll bring it home tonight. Can I get back to work now?"

"Yes, please do."

Thursday, March 26, 2009

finding that happy place

Wrigley is crouched down in the attack position (Crouching Wrigley, Hissing Chumley - sorry couldn't resist) in the laundry room hovering over the "heat" vent growling. This can only mean one of 2 things:

1) a bird has gotten sucked into the furnace again and is fluttering about in our air ducts

or

2) for the love of God the heat may actually be working for once and he's completely dumbfounded by the warm air blowing out the vent.

Ok I just felt the vent. It's not warm. It's either a bird, a tarantula or this guy.

Tom and I just finished some delectable Pad Khee Mao from Thai Ginger and we paired it with this wine and it was yummy. I had quite a rant earlier today which perhaps I will touch on at some point but for now I am cleansing my palette and head by sipping some wine in a big fluffy robe listening to Wrig's growl at the vent as Chumley's nasty broccoli dump starts filling the air around me. Ahhhh sanctitude...

I've been having some strange dreams involving homeless people and personal attacks. Hmm, wonder why??? Hold that thought (which relates to my rant) but for now let me tell you last night's dream...

I was walking across a bridge with giant slats. I was holding my cell phone with 2 hands because I was soooo afraid it would drop and fall through the slats into the water below (there were also trains running on top of the water, but didn't appear to be any tracks). A homeless man was sleeping on one of the slats, teetering off the edge, about to fall over. As I approached he woke up and stumbled towards me. I told him to be careful because he's going to fall through the slats. He told me that he had something for me. I balanced on a slat and took a step and he said, "closer", I took another step, "closer" he said again. Another step and we were practically standing on the same little piece of wood and then he reached into his pocket (warning this is gross) and pulled out a handful of runny poo and smeared it across my mouth. I started spitting and spewing but still made sure I did not let go of my cell phone (someone mentioned in another dream analysis that my phone is my link to friends and family, totally makes sense) and the homeless man laughed and laughed. I tried to run but I couldn't because it was so hard to balance on the slats and the homeless man was alongside me still laughing like a maniac. Then he grabbed my cell phone and threw it as far as he could. I watched as the phone bounced on each slat, buttons popping off, flying into the air, but finally landed at the end of the bridge and didn't fall through to the water. I carefully made my way over to it and slowly reached for it and just as I was about to grab it a train went whizzing by causing the phone to skid off the bridge into the water.

Could this have anything to do with the fact that the house we have been in the process of buying for 5 MONTHS comes with its very own homeless person??? And the house has been broken into at least one time, and EVERY toilet has been, how do I put this...DISGUSTINGLY VIOLATED??? We actually spent New Year's Eve pouring gallons of water into the toilets (as the water has been shut off) trying to flush out other people's sh*ts. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I won't even get into the multiple liens that are attached to this house as well as the dangerous hill side it butts up against and Oh the fact that this location is the ONE area I specifically RULED OUT for a multitude of reasons when I came to Seattle back in July to look for housing.

Hence my earlier rant.

So tomorrow is the home inspection or should I say Phase 1 of the home inspection. You see, the previous owners didn't quite understand the concept of paying bills so we had to pay their past due water bill of $1265 + an additional water bill from a renter before them of $880, so basically that's $2100 we are paying upfront just to get the water turned on as the meter was removed, to have this home inspected. But the water won't be turned on until Saturday so the inspector is doing a half ass inspection without water tomorrow, then will return Saturday to inspect the plumbing and pipes with, thanks to Tom's credit card, working water. There are still over $13,000 worth of unsettled liens that we are fighting about with the many banks involved in this nightmare process. That number has been brought down from over $120,000 when we first started this home purchase from hell.

Ok I need to end this now and try and find that happy place yet again.

I may need my friend Gin to come back.

duh...

On the phone with Tom...

He says, "I got a new cell phone today."

me: "You did?"

him: "Yeah."

me: "Cool. I'm washing my ski jacket now. It's really dirty."

him: "I'll get a cover for it this time. Won't get so banged up."

me: "How does that work?"

him: "I'll just get some sort of plastic cover to go over the front."

me: "Didn't realize they had such a thing, but whatever."

him: "It has GPS built in too."

me: "What?? That's ridiculous!"

him: "Why? I'll totally use it."

me: "Why the HECK would you need a GPS in a ski jacket???"

Miscommunication. It happens a LOT around here.

Don't Cha wish you had a psycho kitty like me

(if you're not familiar with the song, you can listen to it here in case you get the urge to sing along)



I don't think you like me (don't think you like me)
No I don't think so (I don't think so)
Cuz when I awake in the morning you're always trying to bite my toe.
And I know your hungry (I know your hungry)
Cuz you're screaming at me (screaming at me)
But it is too early for you to eat, it's only six-thirty.

Don't cha wish you had a psycho kitty like me
Don't cha wish you had a freak like Chumley
Don't cha, Don't cha
Don't cha wish your kitty was raw like Chum
Don't cha wish your kitty was a grump like Chum
Don't cha, Don't cha

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Just leave it alone (leave it alone)
Stop knocking things off the shelves and don't you dare touch that phone.
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (have to play fair)
There's no need to hiss in my face and please STOP biting my hair.

Don't cha wish you had a psycho kitty like me
Don't cha wish you had a freak like Chumley
Don't cha, Don't cha
Don't cha wish your kitty was raw like Chum
Don't cha wish your kitty was a grump like Chum
Don't cha, Don't cha

I'm finally awake now (finally awake)
I fed your big gob (fed your gob)
You're off to the litter box where you will leave a giant blob.
As you walk away (you walk away)
You slap my shin (slap my shin)
And this is just typical of HOW our mornings begin!!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wheel of Fortune

it's the first puzzle where it's just random letters popping up willy nilly...

_ _ _ _

O_ _N

_ PA_ _ _

Tom shouts "THE ONION PATCH!"

I laugh out loud and then say calmly...

"Wide Open Spaces"

He can't touch this.

A few puzzles later:

category is "What are you doing?"

R_ _ D _ N G

A

M _ _

Tom..."RIDING A MUF!"

"Um not quite, that would be Reading a Map."

No more wine for Tommy.

FINAL PUZZLE

category is thing...

S _ _ N _

_ _ _ N

Tom says in the first second, "SHINY COIN"

And sure as sh*t? He's right.

I'm still in shock.

He's getting some extra lovin' tonight.

naughty and mean

This is the face of a guilty Chum who was caught eating pork tenderloin straight out of the pan while cooling (AND COVERED IN FOIL)! He managed to sneak inside the foil and lick lick lick away. He is now Naughty McPhee. His favorite food is pork. Just look at that guilty mug.


And this is the face of a mean Wrigs who snarls and snorts when I ask him to please kindly move off my side of the bed. He doesn't quite know what to do while making this face - he doesn't bite, he just raises his top lip and blows air out of his nose. He looks ridiculous when he does this and it makes me laugh. (and yes, HWHL, I definitely see the Joan Rivers resemblance in this pic)


I have a new nickname for Wrigs...it's Trail Blazer. Today when I let him out to pee he climbed the steep hillside and bolted through the brush to chase after what he thought was a squirrel but it wasn't - it was some sort of pine cone that fell from the tree. I've never seen this dog scurry up the hill like that before. He looked like one of those billy goats that can stand erect on the 90 degree slope of a mountain. (although that guy in the pic looks more like a horse with a pin head but I don't think that's possible).

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

over a year ago

I wrote a post regarding certain celebs and how they uphold a "do as I say, not as I do" type approach to the environment, economy and world affairs. Well here are a few snippets from an anonymous commenter that I thought I'd repost in light of our current economic climate:

"The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’."

"The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. Now, there are commercial ties between nearly every industry and every public figure."

"The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE."

3/4/08 10:55 AM

Anonymous person I'm sad to say, you were right.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

My friend Gin stopped by...

and hasn't left all weekend.



(and in case anyone was wondering, I did not get a perm. My hair has always been rat's nest curly but I have straightened it for the last...20 years! I've decided to stop damaging it for a while. Or a week, or til tomorrow. Who the hell knows.)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Dear Beverly...


To my darling Beverly,

I have decided to follow my dream and move to NYC to become a Broadway star. After touring the West coast I have found my true calling and Broadway is where I belong. I haven't yet told my side kick Wrigley, I need to do this alone. He cramps my style, plus he has a lot of gas.

I know this may seem a bit forward but until I get my bearings, is it possible I stay at your pad in Brooklyn? I don't think your mommy would mind, but Elvis may be a problem. Does he still drool? That bothers me somewhat. I'll search for drool cups on ebay before I depart.

Anyway, I've decided to rent a Harley and ride cross country. I've got some gigs lined up along the way so my ETA is yet to be determined. I'll have my blackberry in my fanny pack so we'll stay in touch. Until then, I'll leave you with a picture of me in my Harley gear.

Look how I can lift my leg so high:


Just something I learned while passing through Bangkok.

Peep out,

Dame Chumley
(that's my stage name but you can still call me "fluffy lover")

I have skinned my knee.


How?

Searching for an intruder in our home.

Our guest toilet lid was closed.

Our downstairs toilet lid and seat were up.

Tom and I did NOT do this.

I called the landlords. They did not enter the home.

I went into a DEEP closet, with Wrigs and a flashlight searching for a possible suspect. There was nothing.

Upon exiting closet, my shoe lace got stuck on the hinge of the closet door and I fell face first onto the floor.

My hands and right knee caught the brunt of the fall.

Knee is already turning green.

Chumley is bellowing like a lunatic.

Something is not right.

Did I mention....

this house is haunted???

First time I'm saying it on here.

Yes, it is true.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I just had multiple O's

6 to be exact. OMG why why WHY??? are Oreos soooooo damn good that time of the month?? I was eating them so fast and furiously for a moment there I looked like this girl:


Now I need a nap. And a cigarette. (just kidding, I don't smoke)

Though the one thing that bothers me about Oreos and all their chocolately goodness (as I stuff yet another one into my gob as I type) is that chocolate is listed as the last ingredient on the package. Isn't that surprising? Oh well, that doesn't stop me from enjoying that little circle of artificial flavanoids and preservatives.

You know what else I love that time of the month?? Fritos.

(side note: What I failed to mention is that due to my plethora of digestive issues, both Oreos and Fritos do not sit well in my system so I will be retiring to the "office" for the next hour or so. Thank God for Facebook! Truly a fabulous time sucker while otherwise indisposed.)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Pup-a-cabana

Wrigley and Chumley just performed a musical piece they wrote together, complete with costumes and jazz hands paws. I am still in awe of what I've just witnessed. They both informed me they'd like to pursue a musical theatre career on Broadway. Somehow, I think Bev is behind this.



His name was Chumley
He was a show girl
With pink ribbons on his head he would pee atop the bed
He would merengue and do the cha-cha
And though he tried to be a star, he didn't make it very far 
Across a crowded floor, he peed from 8 to 4
He was old and he was grumpy
and his bladder was poor!

At the Pup-a! Pup! Pup-a-cabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Pup-a! Pup! Pup-a-cabana
Music and Passion are always in fashion
At the Pup-a.....they hissed and barked...



Then there was Wrigley, he wore a boa
He was chompin' on a bone when he saw Chum dancin' alone
And when he finished, he called him over
But Wrigley went too far, and threw Chum across the bar
And then the punches flew, and chairs were smashed in two
There was biting and fighting 
But who bit who????

At the Pup-a! Pup! Pup-a-cabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Pup-a! Pup! Pup-a-cabana
Music and Passion are always in fashion
At the Pup-a...Then someone pooped...

PSA on deodorant

I bought some all natural deodorant.

The past 2 days I kept wondering, who's frying Chimichangas? Did I step in vomit?!? Is the Dead touring again???

Then today it hit me.

It is I who smells of burnt frumunda smothered in grilled onions with a side of picante sauce. No wonder people backed away from me at the post office. Sorry! I was trying to do my part for the environment and my underarms and avoid those toxins packed into aluminum based deodorants. But I have learned my lesson.


We need you toxins! Without you, this world is a stinky place.

tid bits

I hate cell phones:

Tom and I have a claim that we're filing with the moving company for some items that were damaged in our move. We're still doing the paperwork and I had a few questions and rather than send emails back and forth I asked him to find the name of a contact person that I could call. He gave me one today, her name is Adrienne.

I called from my cell phone which I hate doing cuz there's always a slight delay but I wasn't at home. The line keeps ringing so I'm assuming it's going into voicemail but because I'm stupid I say in my best Rocky impersonation, "Yo Adrienne!" A woman on the other end says, "Are you looking for Adrienne????"

I should have pretended to be Tom.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A couple of blogs...

I'm adding 2 more blogs to my sidebar...

First one is my BFF from kindergarten. Her blog is Olivia Dreaming and she writes about life with 3 boys under the age of 4 (YIKES!!) and all the fun crafts, cooking and creative things she does in addition to keeping up with the beasties.

The next blog is Lulu's Boutique and she makes the most adorable hair bows. These bows are precious and each one is very unique!

Check them out if you're feeling crafty.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Weekend Re-cap

I picked up Rebecca Friday morning and headed downtown. It was almost 60 degrees and sunny so we actually sat outside for some hot mexican soup and delicious Sangria. We tooled around Pike's and danced on the street corner to our cell phone ring tones - hers and mine (if you go to phonezoo.com you can download EVERY POSSIBLE ring tone on the planet, for free). Great thing about Seattle - dancing like a complete jack ass on the street corner does not illicit strange looks or stares from fellow passer-bys. We made a few stops into some or our fav places and then enjoyed milk chocolate sea salt caramels, champagne and then Rebecca got her hair did. (Love that expression).

One of Tom's best buddies was also in town for a job interview and may be moving here! We don't want to get our hopes up yet, but would be sooooo excited if this actually happens. He was staying in the 'burbs so Tom met him out for dinner and Rebecca and I walked into town for succulent sushi. We ate so much, coupled with several glasses of wine, that once we got home we retired to the bedroom floor wrapped up in Snuggies.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at a cute little house converted cafe, then spent the rest of the cold, dark, rainy day at home, wrapped in Snuggies on the couch. We watched some guilty pleasure tv - The Girls of Hedsor Hall, Man Vs. Food, before falling asleep to some Lifetime Movie. Still have to find out how that damn thing ended.

We spent Saturday night in as well, wrapped up in our Snuggies, and enjoyed some wine and S'mores by the fire. Then we decided "We must dance!" So we put on the music channels and danced around the house with Wrigs. Surprisingly, Tom did not partake in any dancing and went up to bed. We danced and danced then it was time for Snuggie self portraits.

Wrig's fat ass got in the way of this one...


For some reason, when you put the Snuggie over your head it makes you bow and pray.



Rebecca got her FIRST Chumley bite this weekend. It's really amazing when you think about it because she's been around this cat for the duration of his life and though he's chased, slapped and hissed at her, he had never bit her until now. In Chum's defense she was standing in the "No leg zone" which is the area between the dining room table and kitchen stools (Karen knows it well) so really she was asking for trouble. BUT, Sunday morning as she was getting ready to leave Chum meowed outside her bathroom door and she opened it up (she is brave) and he waltzed in and licked her hand. She was even able to pet him for a bit too. Then of course his tough guy image kicked in so he hissed at her and took off.

Oh we also celebrated Wrig's birthday. He had peanut butter carob cake:


that he couldn't wait to eat...


And Chum enjoyed some too...



It was a fabulous weekend and today while driving Beck to the airport, it was snowing. The snowflakes were so big, they looked like saltine crackers falling from the sky. It was also very windy and when we got back home we lost power. Poor Chum was so cold because he didn't have the warmth of his heated bed. It's back on now, hopefully for good. Have an interesting week ahead so am trying my best to relax and quiet my mind for the rest of the evening.

Ommmmmmmm.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Happy 3rd Birthday Wrigs


(pic taken last year at his birthday bash)

Because of our move (and the fact that Wrigs really only has one friend here) there'll be no big party like last year or the year before but we enjoyed a brisk walk to the little coffee house and shared a snack waffle. AND Wrigley doesn't know this yet, but his Auntie Rebecca is in town visiting from Chicago for the weekend!!! I'm leaving in a few to pick her up so he'll be soooooooo excited to see her. We'll have a bone cake for him and party hats and kazoos (as per Rebecca's suggestion).

Here's another link to last year's party preps. It was soooo much fun putting his bash together. He misses all his doggie friends and brother Casey and cousin Chloe.

At least he still has Chumley.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Silly Time

I dance around with the animals and change the refrain to this song to "WRRRRRRIGS...Give me your blanket nowwwwwwww!" He prances around with the blanket in his mouth as I chase him around the house.


And Chum looks away in disgust.


Just a Tuesday night.

Oh how I love to cook...

with my 2 kitchen helpers.


There are always 2 noses within close proximity to whatever it is I'm doing in the kitchen. Hopefully I won't mistake Wrig's noise for a big black olive and Chum's for a tiny turnip and chop them right up with the food.


I had some left over chicken that I shredded for them, so I took a photo of Chum about to pounce on the food. He's such a gobbler, but it makes me happy to see him enjoying food again (even as it flies out of his tiny mouth when he hisses at me).

Monday, March 09, 2009

Chum's little fit

Chumley just went completely bonkers on me. I'm in the bedroom, putting crap away, cleaning etc. and he jumps from the bed through the air to bite my shoulder. I tell him NO that is NOT NICE so then he launches his body at my legs and bites my thigh, snagging threads in my running pants. I yell for Wrigs who chases him out of the room. Not even 2 minutes later Chum comes waltzing back in BELLOWS then slaps my calf about 7 times. I'm just standing there watching him do this then Wrigs jumps off the bed and chases him out of the room once again. Another few minutes, he's back- this time, he jumps up on the window ledge, knocks over my blue tooth and i-touch. They fall to the ground (thankfully it's carpeted) Chum watches them fall, then jumps down and swats the blue tooth in the air. Wrigs runs to grab for it so I chase him and yank his collar before he chomps it to bits or worse, swallows it whole and I start yelling at them both to STOP THE MADNESS!!! So what does Chum do next??? He jumps up on the TV table and starts hitting the television. I have not seen him to do this in quite some time. I ask him? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM??? He stops his hitting, and starts this annoying crotchety, meow fit. I call him the Town Crier when he meows like this. It's soooo irritating (even coming from a cat) and when Tom hears him do it he'll say Shut UP!! which sounds cruel to talk to your animal that way but if you heard this day in and day out it would make you crazy too. So anyway I continue to tidy up, trying to block out his obnoxious meow/cries and go back to the pile of clothes sitting on the chair and realize... Chum's bed is buried underneath my ski clothes! Poor guy was cold and wanted his heated bed. I move the clothes off his bed and put them on our bed and Chum casually jumps off the TV table and hops into bed. I'm a bad mom but when he needs/wants something why must he be so vicious in his approach!?

Also both Chum and Wrigs have been standing in the kitchen meowing and pacing since 4:15. Apparently animals do not understand the concept of Daylight Savings Time. Demanding little beasts.

Snow, Snow...

and more SNOW!!!

So we went skiing yesterday...


And it was glorious!


Though today I feel like a piece of dough that's been wrung through a pasta machine. Muscles I never even knew existed ache and so does my wrist/elbow after a high speed crash into a 4 foot snow bank. Ski patrol came, asked if I needed to be taken down the mountain in a toboggan but I refused. I shook it off, took some deep breaths and continued to ski down at a much slower pace.

Anyway the views were amazing and we're still getting more snow today.




And once I'm no longer a wet noodle, I can't wait to do it again soon.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Alert the Fashion Police

So Tom has this corduroy blazer (or is it a sportcoat?) and it reminds me of a mid 70's Ivy league set movie. Think Love Story, or the Paper Chase. (that is not Tom in the pic, just an idea of what the blazer looks like).

Last night we were watching TV, eating pizza and of course our house is freezing so he went to put on the blazer. He comes back down, settles in and I ask, in my best British accent,

"What time is the lecture?" (pronounced Lekt-cha)

He responds with a full mouth of pizza,

"This coming from my wife, wrapped up in a f*cking Snuggie."

Yes. The Snuggie has arrived and I LOVE it.

What I thought was going to be a fun joke to wear to various Snuggie pub crawls has now turned into my favorite article of clothing!!! (Or giant piece of large felt with sleeves, I should say). It's not too thick but really keeps me warm. I got the Royal Blue color which makes me look like a Smurf, but I like that too. I really want to wear it out of the house but Tom refuses to be seen with me. Last night I tried to wear it when we went to pick up the pizza and he said sternly, "NO. Take that thing off."

I have an extra one and I've offered it to him and he says he will not be seen within 3 feet of the thing. I asked him to please not knock the Snuggie until he tries it but that's probably not going to happen anytime soon. He'll stick with his Cord blazer.

Pip. Pip. Cheerio!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

8 minutes

We are all living in very uncertain times. When you think about all that is going on in our world (and very own backyards) it is so completely overwhelming. Here are some of the things that keep me up at night:

*soldiers killed or injured in war * the crap ass economy * people losing jobs * people losing homes * sickness and suffering * cancer * brain tumors * heart attacks * mysterious disease * hunger * murders * rapes * muggings * bank robberies * arson * home invasions * the homeless * kidnappings * famine * gangs * drugs * pedophiles * children without homes * animal cruelty/neglect * the elderly suffering and alone * domestic violence * child abductions * meth labs * chemical warfare * hi-jackings * hostages * plane crashes * hit and runs * missing people * incest * bullies * car jackings * road rage *drunk drivers * freak accidents * phone scams * fraud * tainted foods * meningitis * oil spills * black widows * rattle snakes * ninjas * peeping toms * dog fighting * cock fighting * trapped sea lions * octagon babies *webbed feet * hammer toes * the list goes on and on and on and on..... MAKE IT STOP!!!! My head hurts. Oh wait, one more * aneurysms *

How do we break away from the negativity that has consumed our world? Or should I rephrase that...How do we take a break from the REALITY that IS our world??? I don't have the answers, "it is what it is" (such a simple little statement) so we must accept this as the now and make positive strides for a better tomorrow. Soooo much more I want to say about this but this wasn't really the point of this post. Was it? Where the heck was I going with this?? Oh yeah, I wanted to share a clip of Ellen Degeneres's stand up called Here and Now. We have the DVD and when things are gloomy I love to put it in and stop the world for a while. This clip is 8 minutes long (which seems like an eternity nowadays) but if you have time set aside, try and watch it. I think you'll enjoy it. I chose this particular clip because it takes us back to simpler times which so many of us long for today.

So cuddle up in your Snuggie, pour yourself some tea or a glass of wine and just allow yourself to put aside the worries of your own world, if only for the next 8 minutes.

Enjoy.

Here and Now clip3

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Let's give thanks

THE BEST ONE YET!!!!!

*****Lindsay said...
Thanks to shadows! No one drinks alone.*******

*update* Bon Don had a GREAT one:
Thanks to MIRRORS! No one drinks alone.

I thought of some more:

Thanks to....

- Your Driver's License

and

-Yearbooks

No one drinks alone.

One more...Thanks to split personalities, no one drinks alone.

If you guys think of anymore let me know!

-------------------------------------------------------------

A chat with a friend...

friend:
Thanks to Facebook, no one drinks alone.

me:
Cheers to that. Thanks to the telephone, no one drinks alone.

friend:
True. Thanks to TV, no one drinks alone.

me:
Here. Here. Thanks to Solicitors! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Good point. Thanks to Neighbors! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to Garbage day! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Dogs! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to Plants! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Netflix! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to Photo Albums! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Blogs! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to online banking! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Infomercials! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to Wrong Numbers! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Nightline! No one drinks alone.

me:
Thanks to the picture of the people on the girl scout cookie box! No one drinks alone.

friend:
Thanks to Grasshoppers! No one drinks alone.

me:
Grasshoppers???

friend:
You know those insects that come out at night and make that noise with their legs???

me:
Crickets.

friend:
Yes! Thanks to Crickets! No one drinks alone.

me:
You have crickets in your house?

friend:
no

me:
I think we're done here.

Procrastination is not my middle name...

It's my first.

So my procrastination journal...

is opened to the week of Feb 9th.

It's not really working out so well.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Tom and Chumley got into a fight

Chum has been an ass tonight and was biting and hitting Tom. Tom picked him up, above his head, and I freaked out cuz Chum's still sick. I yell "BE CAREFUL! He has bad kidneys!"

Chum hissed in Tom's face then Tom says, "Not as bad as his breath!" Chum leapt out of Tom's grip, swatted his arm and ran away. At least he can run.

Remember how yesterday Chum was super sweet and kissed my nose? I tried that same thing with him again today and I never knew I could actually get bit on my tooth. Somehow he bypassed my lips and we clanked teeth. Tom is right. This cat's breath is highly offensive. So I guess he's feeling a lot better because he seems to be getting back to his "normal self".

Here's some video I took last week, of a typical Chumley rage. Leading up to this video, Chumley was hitting everything in sight- my computer, the magazine, the sticky notes, and as you'll see at 33 seconds, an innocent bystander.

my blog

is f*cked. I lost all my links and side bar stuff. Not sure what happened but it's all gone.

We're watching After the Rose now and Tom just said Jason looks like a Monchichi.

He's right.

My stomach is gurgling. But the Comcast commercial came on again so that's good stuff.

A surprise colonic (last update I promise)

Just came back from the store. My purchases:

Pedialyte and Gatorade, Box of Rice, Applesauce, Pepto Bismol and a box of Ginger Aid (healthy digestion tea). As I was checking out, I thought, why don't I just wear a sign on my back that says: YES, I am trying to combat FLAMING DIARRHEA. I contemplated the box of Depends but realized I may want to show my face in this store again so I decided no.
Oh and on my way out, I bought 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies, Thin Mints and Shortbreads, which will probably put me back in "the office" in no time. I already ate 3 on the ride home. I am STARVING!!! I think we need to move into this house. I've been playing phone tag with Tom so I sent him a text message that said, "Call my cell. At store. Bottom is bleeding. What 4 dinner?"

Haven't heard back from him yet...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just woke up on the bedroom floor. Surrounded by animals. Remember this pic from last week:


Insert my body for Chum's bear and that is the scene. I still feel like crap and am moving very slow. Will attempt to drive to the corner store and get some gatorade or pedialyte as suggested by my girlfriend but still not sure I can leave the house just yet.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know how sometimes you go into a public restroom like in an airport or shopping mall, and you see shit splattered all over the toilet and sometimes on the rim and you think, "How in the hell could THAT have happened???" Well, order up a Skinny Mocha and wait 20 minutes. OH. MY. GOD. This has been way worse than my McDonald's Iced Coffee experience. I am physically exhausted right now and am in serious need of ointment.

Anyway, that was not my intention with this post but every time I start to write I am "unexpectedly interrupted." And I'm sure that it's going to happen again because the rumbling hasn't stopped so when it does I will just excuse myself and come back. And here we go again...

I can't even get through a sentence???? I started this post almost an hour ago and I can't even type out a sentence!!! My palms are sweaty and my knees shaky. ENOUGH already!!

Ok this is just pointless. I will have to update later. Now it's like I'm turning on a faucet in there. Straight water. I know this is thoroughly disgusting and I'll probably take this down but I'm so mad at my insides right now so I'm leaving it up for now.

What a splendid way to spend a sunny afternoon.

Chum update and not really sure what else.

(this started as a Chumley update but not really sure what happened - just nonsense really but oh well that's what blogging's all about)

Chum's tests revealed low red blood cell counts and abnormal BUN and Creatnine levels so as predicted it's his kidneys but the vet also thinks he may have an infection. We're starting a month of antibiotics and then will retest his blood (cat in the bag) and see if there's any improvement.

Why do they use banana flavoring for cat antibiotics? When was the last time you saw a cat go ape shit for a banana??? So stupid. My vet recommended an online pharmacy that has more cat pleasing flavors. When the pharmacist called she rattled off the flavors: tuna, chicken, salmon, vanilla and marshmallow (that's odd but Chum does like marshmallows) then she asked if I thought he would like any of those. For a split second I wanted to ask, "Do you happen to have human flesh flavor?" But decided not too. I ordered Chum tuna.

Chum's doctor's name is Dr. Caster and I keep calling her Dr. CaTster. I say in my head while the phone is ringing CASTER CASTER CASTER and then when she picks up, "Hi Dr. CaTster, it's Laura." Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb. I'm sure she's heard this before but really, I'm just dumb.

I made Kung PAO chicken for dinner last night. Good thing Tom fixed the toilets. Did I mention 2 of our toilets were out of commission over the weekend? I think we need to install an outhouse in the backyard and call it a day. We have problems.

So I have kind of a confession. I spy on my neighbors. Our bedroom window looks down into their kitchen and usually around dinner time I'm perched up there (in the dark) watching them cook. A few things: People still really wear aprons when they cook? I was not aware of that. Their house must be just as cold as ours because the husband always wears a red puffy down jacket. The wife, however does not. Perhaps she's going through the change of life. Also, they waste a lot of food but they compost it in the backyard which sends Wrigs into a frenzy when I let him out to pee and poo. But judging from their recycling bin, they drink a heck of a lot of wine so they are cool peeps.

I want to make a cutting board where one side reads "FRUITS n VEGGIES" and the other "MEATS n SUCH". Not a big fan of salmonella. I thought about using a black sharpie on my current board but I think that would look trashy. And probably not good to get sharpie remnants on our edibles.

I like to dance for the animals. I'll spin around, wave my arms in the air, snap and wiggle etc. and then suddenly stop and freeze and look at them and their eyes get so big and they freeze too and then I laugh and Wrigs starts to wag his tail and buck his head up and down like a horse and sort of hops in place snorting while Chum just sits there still staring at us both like WTF? They are so fun.

Every living creature has a purpose on the planet and I've realized the reason for squirrels...To irritate the living hell outta my dog. There is one taunting him on the deck and one day Wrigs is going to launch himself right through the window. Speaking of windows, we haven't had any birds hit the last few weeks. I'm sure I just jinxed myself by saying that but it's a nice break from 7777yuuuu (chumley just walked across the keyboard so I am leaving that 7777yuuuu in there because he typed that with his little paws!) anyway it's been a nice break to not have birds hurl themselves into our windows.

Ok how stupid is this. Lucky Charms introduced yet another marshmallow.
The Hour Glass:

Good thing Lucky Charms put this on the box:

Cuz wouldn't everyone think these marshmallows were really head sized??? Not only that, the real life marshmallows don't even look like an hour glass. They look more like Kenny from South park. Btw, this box of Charms has fabulous oat to marshmallow ratio. More often than not, this is not the case.

This commercial cracks me up, especially the part, "Your son Rip is on line Toot." So funny. There is also a new comcast commercial that kind of makes me crazy but I like it. It's people singing (sort of Juno style) and they are put into various cartoon like scenes. One scene shows these alien people bouncing down the street on hippity hops and that's awesome. I can't find the commercial online but if you click this link you can click to play a little blurb of the commercial.

SUN BREAK!!!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Club Joe's

Since when did Trader Joe's become a pick up joint? As I'm loading my cart with 2 buck chuck (which is really 3 bucks here but whatever I still like calling it 2 buck chuck) a kid who looked to be about 20 years old approaches. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, while it's still only 55 degrees mind you, so that made me think he was even younger.  Anyway, our conversation went something like this...

KID:
Can you recommend a good wine?

ME: (pointing to my cart)
As you can see, I'm pretty cheap. 
*realized instantly, that came out wrong*

KID: (laughing)
It's my lucky day then!

ME:
Are you even old enough to drink wine?

KID:
Yep. 2 years now. Want to drink some with me?

ME:
No thanks, I prefer to drink alone. 
*so not only am I cheap, I'm also a raging alcoholic*

I smile and walk away, and continue shopping. In the parking lot while loading my groceries there he is just a few cars over.

KID:
The offer still stands? Are you sure???

ME:
I'd have to ask my husband. Would you mind if he came along?

KID:
Oh no! One of those. Is he cool?

ME:
Yes but I really don't think he'd want to drink wine with you either.

There was a policeman in the parking lot guiding traffic who heard the whole exchange and said, "Some people can't take a hint."

I told him that he's just being funny and then the cop says,"So...are you really married?"
 
What gives?? Was it the lululemon pants or my new tanning cream? Can't quite figure that one out. I guess all this sunshine makes people silly.

My Sweet Chumley

I hate to see Chumley sick but I am soaking up all his love and sweetness while I can!

Here he is, waking up from his mid-day nap. I typically don't put my face this close to him but he wasn't his usual angry self, he was still a little groggy and blinky eyed so I thought I'd approach him slowly.


He let out a sweet little scratchy meow which made me laugh because it was soooo dang cute!


And then, he licked the top of my nose.

Sweet little Chumley. Such a blessing in my life.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

sunday bloody sunday


Today, Tom and I decided to do the open house circuit on foot and by that I mean, we wandered around various neighborhoods until the smell of pancakes took a hold of our being. We ended up following the smell to a cute, cozy restaurant, right on Lake Washington. And then, when we saw the sign for $3 bloody mary's??? Stick a fork in us both - we're done. Breakfast was PHENOMENAL. For $5 we feasted on unlimited banana bread, 2 pancakes, 2 eggs and a small side of fruit. Even my burps taste yummy.

We managed to view a few open houses on our my stumbling walk back, one of which we had seen online and were pretty interested in seeing in person. Tom stayed outside with a muddy Wrigs (of course at this point it was raining) so I headed into the house alone. Other than smelling like a chimney it had some potential and I was telling Tom about the pros and cons as we were sizing up the property and the neighborhood. Just then a boy's voice yelled from inside the bushes next door, "YOU have BLONDE HAIR!" We stopped in our tracks, looked around and couldn't find anyone in sight. I started laughing because the voice was like a mini Darth Vader and it was sort of a stupid thing to say. Then the freak yelled back, "STOP LAUGHING AT ME! OR I WILL COME HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!"

And that is when we decided that perhaps this is NOT the neighborhood for us.

And another thing I have recalled from living in a city again (which goes back to the days of living off of Halsted and Belmont aka Freak Show Central in Chicago), sometimes you just can't say hello, smile or even make eye contact with strangers on the street. Sometimes it's best to just mind your own business, while starting straight ahead, mumbling to yourself. You blend in much better that way.

Chumley 24 hours later...

Chumley is doing so much better, thank you all for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers. I wanted to wait and see how he was through the night (pretty good) and then this morning we were greeted with his FEED ME! FEED ME NOW!!! bellowing and scotch tape chewing. Music to my ears.

Thank God for mobile vets. I am now a HUGE advocate and Chum's Dr. could not have been more pleasant and kind and thorough. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but because Chumley is so aggressive with others, whenever he goes to the vet he has to be in restraints. Since we were here at home while the Dr. was examining Chum, I was able to snap a couple pics of what Chum looks like during a typical vet visit...


She was able to draw blood from his leg through the zipper hole in the restraining bag.


Sadly no vet has ever been able to examine Chum's mouth, nose or eyes without sedation and I didn't want him to be put under, especially if his kidneys aren't healthy. The head mask completely covers his face and has just a tiny breathing hole, Hannibal Lechter style.

Before he was bagged, she was able to feel his kidneys and said they were mis-shaped, a result of kidney disease. She wanted to get a urine sample but his bladder was empty and I told her I may be able to get one to her later. She looked at me perplexed and I quickly tried to explain my shower curtain/turkey baster method for obtaining urine samples, at which Tom rolled his eyes thinking "Oh God, here we go..."

So it looks as though Chum's kidneys may be the culprit once again. We started him on sub-cutaneous fluids (he is NOT a fan of this) and antibiotics twice a day. Blood tests will be back tomorrow morning so we hope nothing new pops up. He was still a bit groggy and weak after the visit and slept in his bed most of the day.


Occasionally I'd find Wrigs up there too, just checking on him...


I love how Wrigs is still so protective of him, even though Chum beats this dog silly...


Again because your comments and well wishes were so kind I want to thank Karen, Gidge, Gina, Ted, Francis & Bingo, Bethanne, KBL, Single in Vancouver, Suz, Anne, Katie, Bon Don, Desert Rat, Michelle, Mindy, Tina and the anons. Thank you sweet people, for your very kind hearts.