Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sisterhood

Ok so I may have mentioned in earlier posts that my sister and I like to frequent this Indian restaurant near our town because a) the food is PHENOMENAL and b) we can act like complete morons and have yet to be kicked out. I'm not really sure how this whole thing started but we've been going there for over a year now and every time we make an appearance we seem to incorporate different antics and props while we dine. We tend to go during off peak times (between 3 and 4pm) and for the most part the place is empty. And typically only one glass of wine is consumed.

Some things that we do...

- We always clap when the waitstaff appears at our table even if they are coming to bring us water.
- We wear big red wax lips and/or crazy glasses...


- We like to put a piece of dark food on a front tooth and speak seriously with our waiter while he struggles to keep a straight face.
- We've now decided that before we dine I must do a celebratory cartwheel in the middle of the restaurant. I pulled this off today (luckily before the wine was served) and our waiter exclaimed, "HOW NICE!"
- We like to spell words on our plate using pieces of food (and yes, I apologize for the last one but it was the only thing we could spell given the shape of the food pieces)....




- We like to wear Billy Bob teeth and take them out and place them on the table when we're finished eating...

- We often bring fake bugs and lizards and share our meal with them...


-When we leave we can only walk backwards and we must salute the waitstaff (who have all gathered together to watch the finale) as we exit the restaurant.

You know, as I type this out it and post it on here I'm guessing that some of you may think this sounds a bit...insane?? So even though I have more to add I'll quit now while I still have a head. But to my sister and I, these things just come natural and we have a bond that no one else can understand except the two of us. And it doesn't matter how many years pass us by, when we're 85 we're still gonna act like assholes and wheel ourselves over to the Indian restaurant, dentures and Depends in tow.

Just one of the many benefits of sharing a womb and shooting out of the same birth canal.

Sisterhood: I highly recommend it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

How to tell if you love your dog (possibly too much!)

I'm trying to upload a photo to my list but am having blogger issues. So for now I'll just post what I have so far and add to it later because believe me...there's a lot more!!! Feel free to add your own in the comments too! I have a feeling KBL could write a book on this. I'm also thinking of making one for cats too but with the way Chum has been acting lately, it's gonna have to wait.
  • You have a bag of treats in every purse, coat pocket and car compartment.
  • You have more photos of your pup before his 1st birthday than you do of your entire family tree.
  • Every pet store within a 12 mile radius knows you and your dog by name.
  • You spend more money on your dog's toys and essentials than you do your own clothes.
  • You are an expert at baking the perfect dog cookie and you test them first (for temperature and taste) before giving to your dog.
  • You read every ingredient listed on the back of new treats or food. 
  • You refuse to buy dog toys made in China.
  • You place more importance on your dog's first birthday than your spouse's birthday or anniversary. 
  • There's a lint roller in every room of the house and car.
  • Your husband continues to purchase expensive vacuums specifically for dog hair.
  • When leaving for the day you keep the TV tuned to Animal Planet.
  • You purchase special music CDs just for your dog. (Wrig's Personal Favorite
  • You could be a licensed canine masseur with all the hours you've clocked in doggy massage.
  • When dining out, you make sure to save enough food for a doggy bag, even if it's the best cut of prime rib or petite filet.
  • You have your vet's number on speed dial.
  • When sleeping you'll hyper-extend your knee or wake up with bruises on your legs so as not to wake the snoring 80 lb beast on top of you.
  • You have conversations about everything and share your inner most secrets with your dog and you know he understands in his own way.
  • If you awaken in the middle of the night and so does your dog you run downstairs and treat him (and yourself!) to a late night snack, preferably vanilla ice cream.
  • You can describe to the vet (in precisely too much detail - so I've been told) the shape, size, color and consistency of your dog's last 3 bowel movements. 
  • You have used up all the memory on your lap top because of the hundreds of videos you just can't delete on it's hard drive, even though they are backed up on an external drive, CDs as well as on youtube. 
  • When you take your dog to doggy day care you sit in the lobby for an hour and watch the monitors while he greets and interacts with other dogs. And if he finds a friend to pal around with you get teary eyed and quickly come up with an excuse to the concerned staff member that it's just allergies. 
  • You actually cut a 3 day weekend getaway into a day and a half because you miss your dog so much.
  • The whole house goes on lock down (meaning no outside plans, visitors not allowed, heats on full blast, and chicken soup replaces the usual kibble) when your dog sneezes repeatedly or throws up.
  • You bring your dog with you on every errand as long as the temperature in the car does not exceed 72 degrees.
  • You look at that sweet face and loving eyes and for a few moments every worry in the world is pushed out of your mind.
  • You don't care for people that don't share your love of dogs. 

Cruelty to Cows

This is just awful.

California Slaughterhouse

I will never understand the mentality or desire one has to mistreat an animal, especially one that is so sick and weak. I just don't get it. I have an insurmountable amount of hate and evil feelings towards the people who abused these animals or any animal (and GOOD GOD don't get me started on children or the elderly). And though it's probably unhealthy to carry this much hate inside me I just can't release it when I see something like this. I can't help but shout to the TV, "You fuckers are going to suffer MUCH worse someday. I can't wait for you to be tortured and shocked and have your nuts cut off!" At least I have hope. Then I pray to God that happens and I pray for those animals who are still suffering to suffer no more and die in peace.

Sorry to start the day off on such a depressing note but some people in this world make it a very cruel place.

Monday, January 28, 2008

nasty weather

this rain sucks

Rain Rain Go Away!
This sucks so much,
The sky is gray.
It's cold and wet and just plain ICK!
This weather makes me grumpy and sick.
Being outside is a constant battle.
If I wanted this crap, I'd move to Seattle.

and p.s. WE STILL DON'T HAVE A PHONE!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Nerd alert

I love my husband dearly, but there's no way around it...he's a geek. I was "shushed" several times last night while he was engrossed in a show about the History of the Zamboni. There's a new show on the Discovery Channel called "Some Assembly Required" and he is addicted to it. He loves to watch shows on inventions, how things are made, and the details and function of every working part. Last week he learned everything you need to know about the stackable potato chip. At least it's not useless information.

Another one of his favorites is the show Dirty Jobs. It's a pretty interesting concept if your stomach can handle some rather unpleasant situations. The host Mike Rowe is a crack up and reminds me of a cross between James Denton and David Letterman. The best part of the show is the end credits where they show the silly stuff and out takes. Ok, I guess I am a nerd too.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Beautiful Day


Tom and I headed to the beach today for lunch. It was GORGEOUS today, 70 degrees crystal blue sky, deep dark mountains in the background frosted with snowy tips and then behind those mountains a sea of pure white mountains that stretched for miles and miles. And to top it all off a twinkling ocean reflecting the sun's forgotten rays. The beauty of the day was breath taking.

We went to one of our favorite places for lunch and sat upstairs on the patio while enjoying the scenery and some much needed catching up time. Aside from having to evacuate the restaurant due to a kitchen fire, the afternoon was pure bliss. When our waitress came over and calmly told us that we needed to go outside because there was a problem in the kitchen, my first thought was that some crazed employee was going postal with a bread knife. Then we started to smell the smoke and heard the alarms. It was a full blown kitchen fire. We were rushed through the restaurant then down the stairs to the parking lot. The fire trucks arrived and so did a few spectators.

Since we were pretty much done with our meal, I contemplated hitting the road, but of course that would be dishonest so we waited it out. After about 20-25 minutes, we were let back in the restaurant. It smelled a little smoky but it wasn't so bad on the patio. We were comped $2.65 off our tab which we really didn't understand. Not that they should have given us more of a discount, but we just didn't get how they arrived at that amount. Our total bill (minus the $2.65) was $49 so it makes no sense. Some of the food is a bit pricey but even with the kitchen ablaze it's worth it.

I didn't have my camera so I'm hoping to take some photos of the mountains tomorrow, IF it's not raining. We're expecting more rain tonight so who knows. I found this photo online of our 'hood after a snow storm in the mountains. It's the same picture at the top of the post but I'm not sure if it's viewable on most browsers. I hope it's clear tomorrow so I can take some photos of the snow white mountains.

My name is Wrigley and I like to poo.

Wrigs and I went for a walk around the 'hood this morning where he encountered a Cock-a-poo named Stella. They romped and played in this little park area and got along so well. Wrigs is soooo tolerant when anyone comes in contact with him he just lays down and lets them do anything to him. Stella was jumping on his head, nipping at his ears, chasing his tail and then she REALLY started to show the love from behind! (There's a reason it's called Doggy Style.) She even started to hump his face and he just sat there letting her go to town. He's such a lovable lump. They were frolicking around together, hopping and chasing when Wrigs suddenly stops in the midst of all this fun and takes one soft serve cone lookin' dump right in front of his new lady friend. She seemed impressed by the size and the smell. Can you even imagine doing that in front of someone you just met, especially of the opposite sex??? I'd give it at least 3 months.

Friday, January 25, 2008

reason #5,863,946 why I love my dog

because every once in a while, he listens to me...







Sometimes I sit on the floor with him and SQUEEZE him so hard I'm afraid he's going to poop pop. He is my best friend.

I've figured out why my jeans seem rather tight...


Have you ever heard of Entenmanns Little Bites? They have a bunch of different kinds of snacks, brownies, soft cookies and muffins. I LOVE the 100 calorie packs of Brownie bites. Granted there are only 5 teeny tiny little bite sized morsels in each pouch but they are soooo good and taste great with an Iced Green Tea Latte. And for only 100 calories, not bad for an occasional snack.

So a couple weeks ago, there's a new product on the shelves, Chocolate Chip Muffin Little Bites. Without thinking I grabbed 2 boxes because they were on sale (2 for $5) and every morning I have enjoyed my Muffin Bites for breakfast with my latte. And it's been heaven.

Since they were on the shelves next to the Brownie Bites, I just assumed they were also 100 calories, with 4 grams of fat and 15 grams of carbs. This morning as I sat here sipping and chewing I happened to look at the nutritional information on the bag.

Most mornings I just have a latte and nothing else so for the last 2 weeks I have been adding 11 grams of fat, 29 extra carbs and 220 calories every single day. I'm somewhat relieved to know that's what has caused my jeans to fit a little more snug than usual. No more muffin bites for me. And damn, were they good.

I may just have to invest in that Hawaii Chair after all.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Separated at Birth???


I know he's one of the most respected and intelligent journalists of our time, but for some reason whenever I see Tim Russert, this guy pops into mind.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

the old man is DRIVING ME NUTS!

Well here I sit on another rainy California day at my local coffee shop sipping on piping hot green tea and enjoying a delicious tuna fish sandwich. I'm here because we are again without internet access, cable and of course phone service. 2 more Cox trucks are camped outside my house right now and it's not looking good. The Cox box in the ground was smoking when they removed the cover and one of the workers got an electrical shock. He's ok but when it happened he jumped back and said, "DAMN!" I thought to myself, "Please don't die on my property. Oh please oh please oh please." It's looking as though they will have to completely rewire our connections and install one of these beauties in our front yard. At this point I don't care if we have a full sized circus tent, I just want this shit to work.

As I sit here an older gentleman (maybe in his late 60's to early 70's) is whistling non stop. It is sooo incredibly annoying. There is also a student here trying to read and highlight and he keeps slamming his highlighter down on his book then staring straight ahead like, "SHUT THE F*CK UP!" It's funny to watch and I've chuckled to myself a few times because I am certain the student is going to say something or punch the man in the face at some point. The old man is now whistling the tune "Joyful Joyful we adore thee... blah blah blah blah blah...blah blah" and if he keeps this up I may just have to accidentally trip and spill hot tea on his crotch.

On second thought, I think I'll offer to buy him a drink. Perhaps he'd like this:


Ok sooooo gross!!!! Old man is now having a total coughing fit and it's one of those nasty ass smoker's coughs and is extremely productive as in, you can hear the fluids and phlegm with each lung contraction. It is making my tuna fish sandwich creep back up into my throat. OMG I seriously can't take it. I'm not sure which is worse the whistling or the mucous filled coughing fit.

His face is beat red and now he's blowing his nose into a disgusting ass hanky that he put back into his pocket. That is sooo unsanitary. Why the hell anyone would want to re-use their snot rags is beyond my comprehension. Isn't that why Kleenex was invented???

Ok now he is BACK to whistling the tune "Memories." I actually used to like this song. Student guy is packing up his shit right now! I knew he couldn't handle it. OMG I wish I could video tape this! Man is whistling SOOOO LOUD. Student boy just walked out and rolled his eyes at me when he left. I am going to see if I can capture some audio with my phone.

more dry skin help

Something we cannot live without in this house is Target's Milk and Honey moisturizing hand soap. We used to buy the SoftSoap brand but I opted to save a buck or two and try Target's version and it feels and smells the same, if not better. I buy the 64 oz. size and fill up all our soap dispensers in the house with this stuff. Guests often ask what kind it is because they love the delightful yet subtle scent.

It's supposed to moisturize your hands as well but I'm not really sure anything made from the Sodium, Chloride and Sulfate family can actually benefit dry skin. So thanks to Bridget for introducing me to HEMPZ herbal moisturizer.


I LOVE this stuff and admit to using it obsessively. It has a bit of a stronger scent, the website claims it's a combo of banana and floral fragrances, but I'm not really sure that's the main scent. There's almost a Rum like aroma in it but it's not overly sweet or pungent. Many lotions and creams with super sweet smells (like Bath and Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar, YILCH!) or strong floral and fruity scents (like Freesia or Pear, BLECH!) will give me such a headache. Hempz products are definitely fragrant but not nauseating to the senses. Just thought I'd pass this along.

I have much work to do and am trying to stay focused and productive but then as I stopped to lotion up my hands I had the urge to share this on here. I'll try not to use any more products for the rest of the day and actually get some work done!

Ok one last thing...

For dry lips, Kiehl's Lip Balm #1 is amazing. For $5.50 it's a great buy because the tube lasts a long time. I like that you can squeeze out the product onto your finger (unlike stick balms) because I also apply a dab to the inside of my nose to keep it from getting dry and itchy. I just noticed online there is now a Pear scented balm but it costs $3 more than the Original. Not worth it. Plus if you stick it in your nose you'll smell Pear all day. That might get nauseating.

E.T. Can't Phone Home

I AM STILL WITHOUT A HOME PHONE!
It actually came back late yesterday, long enough for me to chat with my old college roommate for close to 2 hours and now today, NOTHING.

Frustrating? YES. Will I spend half my day bitching about it like I did yesterday? I don't think so.

I did an image search in Google for a pic of E.T. and up popped a picture of this baby. I guess the parents also think the kid looks like E.T. because it appears they were the ones who posted it! Funny stuff. Then again, don't most newborns have a tendency to look like E.T.?

Personalized Skin Care


Tired of dull, dry winter skin? Check out this personalized skin consultation from Oil of Olay. You may find some inexpensive products to give your skin a little pick me up and keep the crackles at bay!

Olay for You

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Life Savers Orange Mints


OMG these are soooo good.
They taste like a cross between orange certs and baby aspirin. I used to buy St. Joseph's Baby Aspirin (as an adult) and eat it like candy. In fact there's probably a few bottles in some purses in my closet. But now, since I've discovered these orange mints, there's no need to snack on aspirin anymore.

another Tom Cruise parody

Watch this first

then...

watch this!

I about wet my pants.

I'm canceling my gym membership...

-and getting one of these:

*UPDATE*

ELLEN JUST SHOWED A CLIP OF THIS ON HER SHOW AND HAS ORDERED THE CHAIR! ONCE IT ARRIVES, POSSIBLY FOR TOMORROW'S SHOW (THURSDAY THE 24th) SHE WILL SIT ON IT WHILE INTERVIEWING HER GUESTS!! DEFINITELY A SHOW TO WATCH!! or TIVO or DVR or VCR or BETA, WHATEVER YOU USE- JUST DON'T MISS IT!!!!

*************************************************************************************





I seriously thought this was a spoof informercial but apparently it's not. Can you even imagine working next to someone wiggling around in that sex chair?! Or trying to have a serious conversation with your boss while he's gyrating around like a horny gorilla? I think every office should have one just for the sheer entertainment value.

Thanks Chitown. I think you should get one for your classroom.

yep, still more COX to go around...

Ok no phone, no internet, no cable. That's where we're at right now as of noon. I'm typing this out in my email program and then will cut and paste it into my blog whenever I get re-connected.

Larry the technician is out in the front of our house digging in that same hole. Wrigs and Chum are not happy about this:


I went out to see what was going on and Larry is super nice and very competent which made me feel a little better. He is definitely not part of the COX SUCKERS Club.

Apparently the rains we've been having lately have flooded our COX BOX. Here's a picture:

Inside the box is all our wiring for cable and phone connectivity. It's one giant cluster fuck right now because water has seeped into the connection points so the entire component may need to be replaced. Larry's going to try and get the internet and cable back up but the phone seems to be a bigger issue. When he was down there digging around I said, "Be careful! Don't get electrocuted!" Larry said, "I make sure and wear rubber soled shoes, I kneel on this rubber mat, and I use rubber gripped tools so I should be ok!" I then said, "Oh that's good, you've got rubbers all around!" Yep, I'm quite the dork. But who cares. I just want my PHONE BACK UP!!! AND MY INTERNET! AND CABLE TOO!!

Go Larry! Go Larry! Fix my COX BOX! You can Do it! Go Larry!

Ok now Larry is talking on his walkie talkie. Sounds serious. Perhaps they are dispatching more COX SUCKERS for this mission!

update: It's 1:01 and I'm back online, the cable is working but the phone is fucked. Time to send in the Big Guns.

COX part II

I really hope this will be my last post on the phone issue but who the hell knows. And though challenging, I'll try to keep the profanity down to a minimum. Aw fuck, who am I kidding. I'm still pissed so I'm bound to drop an f bomb here and there.

I called the COX suckers from my cell phone again and was on hold for quite a while. After minutes of pushing my way through a pain in the ass automated menu I finally got to speak with a real live COX sucker. He informed me that there is no ETA on when my service will be up. Rather than continue to call them from my cell and wait and wait and wait I decided to use their website for online help. They have 24/7 Chat room help so I logged on, gave all my personal information and then sat alone in the chat room for several minutes until Carlos the analyst entered.

I only wish I was able to copy and save the chat. Their website does not allow that and based on our exchange I can understand why. I asked Carlos if he could let me know what is going on with my phone line and he responded that Chat help is only for Internet support. So I responded with, "But what if you can't connect to the net?" He told me then I would need to call the 800 number. I said "but what if you don't have a working phone?" He then forwarded me a link to EMAIL their Customer Service department. So it's really great to know if (or more like WHEN) my internet connection goes down I can use the online chat service or just email them my issue. Fucking MORONS!

I wasn't trying to be difficult and I told him so but all I wanted was to find out some info about my phone and since I didn't want to call from my cell phone and be stuck on hold for a half hour I thought I could do so with the chat room. Apparently not. He asked me if there was anything else I needed and I typed, "Yes. The name of another phone company." He signed off with their standard COX response of "thank you for using Cox your friend in the digital age" crap like that. I sat there staring at the screen then tried to copy it so I could e-mail it to their customer service dept. but none of the menu options would highlight. I'm sure that's intentional. Next time I will take a screen shot.

So while I still have a working internet connection I sent them an e-mail and attached the 2 pics of the digger from last week:

COX Support:

COX "services" are laughable at this point. If it's not the phone it's the internet or our TV flashes "poor quality signal" on a consistent basis. We pay $200 a month for this? It's a rip off. We have never had quality service with COX and I now have come to expect that at least one of our services (phone, internet, cable) will not be working properly on any given day. I have zero confidence in COX.

I'd like to know if this latest phone issue has anything to do with some random COX employee digging in our front yard last Friday? He never said what he was doing. Apparently my house is the only one in the neighborhood with issues. I guess that's why it's been almost 18 hours of no phone service. COX doesn't seem to make customers a priority.

I don't mean to direct my angst towards whoever is reading this but I am beyond frustrated at this point. We have a home based business and the inconvenience of not having a working phone number is a burden that carries many negative implications. Not that COX cares about this.

I'd love to know when my phone will be working again so I can finally use it to call a company that actually provides quality service.

Thank you.

Here are some pics of the random man in our yard from last week...
(I attached the 2 photos)

COX CABLE, PHONE, INTERNET SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOO ANNOYED. OK I'll lighten up with the CAPS but I just have to say I have HAD it with COX. THEY ARE COX SUCKERS!!!

We've had no home phone since 3:00 yesterday afternoon. And the worst part about this is Tom and I are launching a home based business and of course yesterday I spent the entire morning calling on R&D companies and manufacturers. I left messages for many of them and put our home number as the office number so now when they call they'll be greeted with a recording stating that there is facility trouble to this line! That really looks great! One guy called my cell at 9am stating he tried my home number and couldn't get through. THANK GOD I left my cell number but I wonder how many people will try that if they don't get through the first time. FUCK!

It's just so incredibly frustrating. I just had to vent. Supposedly the COX SUCKERS are going to send some incompetent fuck out to check the line because apparently it's only our house. Could the mystery digger from last week have something to do with this??? HMMMM??? Stupid fucks. I'm so pissed. I better sign off because I'm going to start using some foul fucking language and I'm a lady so I'll end this now.

Incompetent fuck:

FUN! FUN!! FUN!!!

Thanks to Karyn's post about Skitch, I will be having LOTS more fun with pictures and such!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

funny commercial

Thought this was funny.

Billy and Heath



It's weird to see Billy Bush talk about Heath Ledger because in my opinion, they look alike or at least like brothers. Don't you think?

can't concentrate right now


Do you ever look at a long term expiration date (on things like canned goods or medicines) and think, "I wonder if I'll still be around by the time this thing expires?" Or I'll think to myself, "I hope all my loved ones will still be in good health by the time I finish this bottle of Tums." Seriously, Tums last forever. Whatever the heck is in it to preserve it's quality for 4+ years must not be good for your stomach.

And did you know you can keep eggs up to one month after their marked date of demise? It's true. Here's some tips on egg safety.

Egg-citing post. I know.

Holy Crap

Heath Ledger found dead in Manhattan apartment.

Chumley


He's a busy guy. His TV show is on the horizon, a book deal is in the works and he's going to be featured in an issue of the Alpha Phi Quarterly (my sorority magazine). Go Chumley Go!

Sling Fest

After watching this mockery of a debate last night all I have to say is it's no wonder Bill stuck cigars in other women's cootie holes.

And it was disappointing to watch Barack stoop to her level but I do have to laugh at his comment, "I can't tell who I'm running against!"



While exchanges like this make for some entertaining television, they unfortunately neglect important issues that are crucial when deciding who to elect as President. After watching this debacle, I'm not quite sure who that may be.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Football Game


The Packers/Giants game is on in the background and it makes me cold just looking at the TV. And Brett Favre isn't wearing any gloves! His hands must sting sooo bad whenever he makes contact with the ball. When they show the fans all bundled up in the crowd I think, "What IDIOTS!" I don't care if it is the game before the Superbowl or even the Superbowl game itself, when it's -40 you're ass should NOT be out there spectating. I wonder how many people in the Green Bay metropolitan area will call in sick to work tomorrow.

Procrastinators Anonymous

Yesterday while surfing the net I found an organization called Procrastinators Anonymous. (Today is my day to be productive - if I can kick this headache. I have such a headache that even my teeth hurt and no, I'm not hungover.) So anyway I checked out the Procrastinators website and found this message board. I certainly don't mean to make light or poke fun of their situation but just read how difficult it is to set up a 15 minute conference call. And poor "Joe K". Did you read his entries? Sounds like he really needed this call. I'm actually contemplating on whether or not to join this group. All I need is a username and password.

I'll do it later.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Don't eat when you look at this

Every morning I have a ritual. I make my Iced-Green Tea Latte and after throwing in 10 cubes, I let it sit on the counter for about 15 minutes so it's icy cold when I drink it. While it sits I feed the animals, put Wrigs toys away, fight with the Roomba, and pick up poop in the backyard. Today while I was outside I noticed a strange man in the front of our house digging a hole in our yard...


I pretended to go to the mailbox so I could walk by and see what was going on. When I got close I said, Hi and he looked up at me, smiled and went back to digging. Oh well. I guess it's nothing major otherwise I'm sure he would have said something. Still odd though. Here's another photo of him making what appears to be some sort of cement mixture...


When I came back in the house I was ready for the first sip of my icy latte. As I'm sipping through the straw I notice some gray granules sprinkled on the very top. Sort of looked like cracked pepper but once I inspected them further I knew EXACTLY what it was. It was kitty litter. You see, Chumley likes to stick his paws in glasses of milk, water, or any type of liquid for that matter. Sometimes Chum has clumps of litter stuck between his paw pads which Tom and I refer to as "Poo Paws". So that is what he had done while I was outside checking out the man in the yard. I threw out that latte and made a new one. This is not the first time this has happened.

Speaking of Poo Paws, here is a pic of Chum's dump from this morning. Lately he has decided NOT to cover them up. I think he's showing off...


And while we're on the subject, here is a pic of his upstairs litter box. He primarily uses this one for pee which makes me OH so happy because as of yesterday it has been ONE FULL WEEK and ONE DAY that Chum has gone without peeing on the beds or the living room couch! OH PRAISE THE LORD! I'm taking it day by day but I really hope he can make it to 2 weeks, and maybe even beyond that!! Dare to dream.


Look how big his pee clumps are. They are almost impossible to get out of the box without breaking the scoop. We got this super duper heavy duty industrial sized litter scoop (not the one in that pic) at Petco a few weeks ago that is AMAZING. I'm trying to find it online but can't so I'll have to take a pic of it and will post next time I download photos. Sorry to gross you out with the pics but if you have cats I think you'll understand.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Crazy pics

I've been trying to organize my mish mosh of photos on my lap top and in doing so I thought I'd put together a little slide show...

video

I'm working on a few more slide shows. I find it therapeutic.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Procrastination

It's not my middle name, it's my first.

-While the Christmas decorations are packed away in boxes, the boxes are in the garage, crowding the entry way into the house. I have to hurdle over these things at least twice a day but instead of actually moving them into their respective spot I just continue to hurdle, trip and swear at them.

-We still have a huge bag of Christmas presents yet to put away. But I just can't find homes for these things! They're sort of fun gimmicky type things that don't really have a set place on the shelves to display or in the cabinets/drawer space of the house. Do you know what I'm talking about? I guess I'll just leave them in the bag ready to be re-gifted for next year.

-This time last year I made a promise to myself to back up all my photos/videos from my lap top onto an external drive. I felt sooo good after I did that last year and vowed at the end of every month I would take the time to back up the months media, thus saving myself gobs of time in the future. I backed up my stuff only once. My lap top is running slower than my first Mac cir. 1984. I just can't get myself motivated to do this because since my computer is already running at a turtle's pace I know it's going to be royally frustrating to sit and watch the swirly ball swirl for minutes upon minutes before it unexpectedly shuts me out of whatever program I'm in. Which brings me too...

-I've needed to add memory to both my lap top and home computer for over a year. What am I waiting for? A serious hard drive crash? I'm afraid it'll be here before you know it.

Did I mention my last name is Wine? I'm calling my name now.

Tower of Power

Today I had to run to Trader Joe's for 3 things:

-milk
-green tea latte mix
-decaf chai tea latte mix

When I got to the coffee/tea aisle they were out of green tea latte mix. I asked a TJ lady to check and see when the next shipment would arrive and after she returns from the secret room she informs me that they are no longer going to carry the green tea latte mix. I try not to fall to my knees and weep like a child but I'm a bit shell shocked. (KBL I can totally feel your pain when you found out your greens with envy were discontinued.) So I try and keep myself calm and centered and head down to the chai mixes. Which... I also can't find. The lady notices me searching about for my decaf chai tea and she tells me that those have also been discontinued. Talk about a double whammy. What a complete blow to the system. These are seriously the ONLY 2 things that I enjoy drinking in the morning.

So I got my milk and asked the nice man at the office by the cashiers to print me out a list of all the Trader Joe's in California. Before I even got into my car I started calling. After calling 9 Tj's in my county and not a single one had the mix I was a bit discouraged. I started formulating my letter to the Grand Pooba of Trader Joe's. I still had a few more TJ's to call in my county and even though they were quite a distance I was determined to find at least ONE more mix! I don't care if it cost me $30 in gas, I couldn't survive without this stuff! The 10th place I called had me on hold for quite a while. When the guy came back he enthusiastically told me they had 10 mixes! I calmly asked him to repeat this information and to promise me this wasn't some kind of joke because I wouldn't find it the least bit funny. He assured me there were 10 green tea latte mixes on the shelves and I frantically asked him to pull them ALL cuz I'm on my way! I rushed out the door, got some gas (for the car) and blazed through freeway traffic. I was on a mission.

Once I got there the mixes were set aside in a Trader Joe's bag and I thanked everyone profusely. I almost walked out the door without paying because I was sooo overly excited! Plus they were already in a bag and psychologically when you're carrying a grocery bag you automatically think you've paid for the loot! Or maybe it's not psychological at all, I'm probably just a moron. So while I'm waiting in line to pay I'm beaming with excitement and I reach in my purse to text message my fellow latte lovers only I pull out my HOME PHONE! I looked like the biggest dork. I was so excited when the guy told me he had the mixes on the phone that I just threw my home phone into my purse and left! So yeah, there's no denying it. I am a MORON.

Since I'm such a nice person I'm giving 3 of these mixes to my sister. That leaves me with 7 which should last me about 3 months. But I'm still going to write a letter to the Pooba and see if there is ANY chance they would consider bringing this back. As for the decaf chai tea mix, while I'm disappointed about that, I'm not devastated because I can find other similar mixes. The Green tea latte mix is so unique in that it dissolves in COLD milk and is absolutely delicious over ice.

So here I sit, enjoying my second glass for the day. I'm savoring this drink now, more than ever.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Shower Hostage

In order to give Wrigs a bath (which is actually a shower) we need to enlist the help of one of these. That's an Irwin Quick Grip Monster Clamp. It holds the shower door shut, otherwise one swift swipe of Wrig's paw and the door swings open and he escapes wet and soapy.

Once Wrigs and I are in the shower, Tom puts us in "lock down" and secures the clamp. Wrigs will still fight and flail with all his might but there's no way he (or I for that matter) can get out of that shower. After our soaking wet, fur flying wrestling match, I call to Tom to come and let us out. There's no response. I call again. Slowly he enters the bathroom. I say in a huff, "What took you so long?" He says, "I'm not sure I want to let you out." I respond, "WHAT??? Hurry up! We need to dry off!" He says, "It's been really quiet for the last half hour. I was able to watch some golf, uninterrupted. I may just toss Chum in there with you and call it a day."

After a few minutes of this nonsense he begrudgingly removed the Irwin from the shower door. So in case I happen to "go missing" I hope someone out there will know where to look.

more unproductive ramblings

Before my tonsils were hacked away, I used to have what most people would call a Man voice. In college after a night of heavy boozing, the next morning I'd sound like Clint Eastwood. Sometimes my mom would call, bright and early and when I'd answer the phone she'd ask for me, and I'd tell her it was me. She would insist I was some random guy that spent the night. Half the time she was right.

I completely forgot where I was going with this post. I'm having a glass of Sofia now, while I await the buzz of the oven signaling my pre-sliced pizza is ready to scald the top of my mouth. Seriously, how much more of a lazy ass can I be???

this pic speaks for itself...



That's all I'll say.

Oh, and I also do weddings.

the productivity thing...

...it's just not working for me, especially this weekend. I'm really TRYING to be more productive but I still somehow manage to get sucked into the menial, trivial nonsense of whatever it is that's sucking me in. Couple that with my PMS and I am one crabby bloated waste of unproductive skin. Or as Tom so kindly refers to me, a two toed sloth.

So I thought if I can't be productive, at least I'll blog about something productive. And as I sat there thinking....and thinking...and thinking some more- (really, should it be this hard?!?) Tom calls out to me from the laundry room:

Tom:
OH MY GOD! Come in here.

me:
Why?

Tom:
You have to see this.

me:
What is it?

Tom:
Chumley's poo.

me:
I'll pass.

Tom:
No seriously! Laura you have to see this log!

(I get off the couch and peek my head into the laundry room and see what looks to be a human sized dump in Chum's box. Perhaps slightly longer than the norm.)

me:
Yeah, so?

Tom:
It's HUGE!!!

me:
His dumps are always like that. He just didn't cover it up.

Tom:
That's not right.

me:
Well, tell him to stop eating salami and broccoli.

Productive? I think not. But that's my life and I'm unproductively blogging about it.

hair stuff

The hubby and I went to get haircuts yesterday. We went to place like SuperCuts, (though I can't remember the name) but it was really cheap. I just washed it and in the process of parting and combing, I noticed something. Either my back's really f'ed up and/or my head's not sitting atop my spine correctly, but the left side is close to an inch shorter than my right side. I guess that's what you get when you go to a cheap walk-in. But I'm ok with this. I'll just cock my head to the side a little.

Since my hair grows sooo fast, I can't justify spending 160 bucks a pop for salon quality cuts and coloring. There's definitely more important ways to spend that money. Eyelash Conditioners? No, never again.

Revlon makes a fabulous hair coloring that I've been using for about 6 months. It's called Revlon Colorist and in my opinion the results are salon quality. Also, I don't think the chemicals are as harsh because I notice less breakage when I do it myself. And it comes with a decent sized weekly conditioner that spruces up your color until the next coloring.

And I'm still lovin' these products. I use the color glaze about once a week and the glossing creme every day, both before and after I dry my hair. It keeps your hair sooo soft and frizz free.

I didn't intend to document my daily, weekly and monthly hair care regimen in this post. But if you're looking for a way to save money, I recommend Revlon's hair color in place of high priced salons. Just make sure to match up your color. Obviously. That was dumb of me.

Just dropped a tiny piece of sesame chicken on the keyboard and it's wedged between my "delete" and "+" key and Chumley is frantically trying to get it so I better end this post before it's deleted.

Campaign Slogan for Obama



GOBAMA go!




This was after a glass or two of Sofia wine.

Kinda catchy, no?

Friday, January 11, 2008

*update* Jan Marini Eyelash Conditioner

I'd say this stuff works!

*UPDATE*

Yeah, this stuff works great but you might not be able to see the results if you continue to use it.

FDA RECALLS EYELASH CONDITIONER

I'm no longer using this product. My eyes were feeling a bit strained lately and I thought it was due to the computer screen but perhaps that's not the case. I also noticed that I wasn't able to see the cable guide on our bedroom TV as clearly. After learning about the recall my tube is headed for the trash bin.

Thank you to those who commented about this and posted the recall information. I LOVE new products and was amazed at the results but I never would have pimped this product had I known there were "issues" with the FDA.

say hello to...

My PMS blog

Thursday, January 10, 2008

F*ck Productivity

My back is out. I'm in a LOT of pain right now and I need to bitch so here I am. I may just end up deleting this post because I'm in one hell of a mood right now. This f*cking dog pissed me off sooo much today. I haven't been able to take him on many walks around the lake because this asshole pulls me all over the place. We've mostly been walking throughout the neighborhood along the little trails and paths. But STUPID ASS me, started walking around with lake with him again because my back was starting to feel a bit stronger. Yesterday I took him about half way, (well actually 1/4 of the way and then we turned around making it half way) and aside from my sunglasses falling off my head into his steaming shit pile, it wasn't a bad walk. Then today I was going to try for a full walk around. Well that turned out to be a cluster f*ck of an idea. We weren't even 50 yards when we encountered our first round of trouble. A couple was walking their 2 Yorkies each the size of Wrigley's snout, WITHOUT LEASHES!! I put Wrigley in a "sit-stay" as they were approaching AND had my foot on his leash as well as a vice grip with BOTH hands on the other end of the leash, patiently waiting for this gaggle of fools to pass. Well the Yorkies bum rushed Wrigs and were jumping all around him while he was thrashing all over the place jarring my back and neck with each pull. The couple just STOOD there and the guy said, "He wants to play!" No shit sherlock. What else is he going to do when 2 little dogs the size of tacos are jumping all over his face. I asked the man in between body contortions "Can you PLEASE call your dogs away???" I wanted to add, "perhaps leashes might be helpful" or something like that but I was focused on holding back Wrigs. They all finally went on their way and after a few stretches I continued to walk. I should have turned around and went home but I NEEDED this walk too so I wanted to keep going.

We walk a few more steps and Wrigs takes his monster sized dump. I pick it up, walk a few more feet to the trash and that's when I see the next dog headed our way. This dog was some sort of lab/pit mix, really big and stocky and Wrigs instantly lays down on the ground when he spots big dogs. Again I step on his leash, tell him to stay and hope that the woman walking this dog gets a clue and will keep on moving. Of course she doesn't. Her dog charges up to Wrigs and she can't hold her back. Her dog is viciously growling but she kept saying, "Oh she's really friendly, she just growls like that around new dogs. Don't worry she won't hurt your dog." I tell her that "I can't keep a good grip on my dog because I hurt my back" and just then there's a loud "pop". That would be my disc. I SCREAM AT WRIGLEY and I SHAKE HIS HEAD and I KNOW it's not his fault but I was in mind numbing pain and I just lost it. The woman is apologizing profusely, I know she heard the pop, and kept saying, "It's not his fault! I'm sooo sorry! My dog got him worked up! Oh I'm so sorry!" I seriously think she thought I was going to beat my dog to death on the sidewalk. I snapped at the lady and then felt tears coming on (due to the pain as well as frustration) and told her to just keep walking. I know I completely lost my temper and should not have reacted that way but sometimes it happens. All I can say is that this will be the last walk we take together along the lake.

I had to hobble back home and even in the neighborhood the damn dog kept pulling so I just let go of his leash. He did stay pretty close to me but I was so over trying to contain him. When we got to my house I opened the gate and my little duck friend who visits from the lake was sitting by the laundry room door. THANK GOD I was not holding the leash because Wrigley sprinted sooooooo fast to get this duck and even though he never managed to get him into his mouth he did trip the duck and roll on top of him and the duck SHIT all over Wrigley. I was SCREAMING for Wrigs to LEAVE IT but he was in "retriever zone". The duck finally managed to fly up in the air and then shot through the slats of the backyard fence while Wrigs was still in a barking frenzy trying to stick his big nose through the fence.

When I came inside I just left Wrigs in the laundry room with the door closed because my back was too sore to try and clean off the duck shit. And let me just say, fresh duck shit looks like creamed spinach. So I left him in there for a while until I heard his metal tags banging into the cat box which meant he was chomping away at Chumley's dumps. With a now throbbing back I managed to scrub off most of the duck shit with a wet towel (there's no way I could have given Wrigs a bath) and I used a paper towel to wipe away the clumps of wet litter off his teeth. And I hate to admit it but I do this on a pretty consistent basis. Though it's disgusting and makes me gag, I've become used to it.

So since it's after 5 now, I'll pour myself a glass of wine. Depending on the level of pain once I stand erect, I may cook or it may just be a frozen pie for tonight.

Sorry for all the bitchin but I needed to vent. It doesn't help with the pain but it does diffuse some frustration and anger. Maybe I'll just turn this into my bitch blog and just piss, moan and scream all the time. Today would be a good day to start because I'm pmsing. Oh my God I just realized that the abbreviation for Piss, Moan and Scream is PMS! HA! LOL! I may just have to make a PMS blog.

Monday, January 07, 2008

untitled

I am the worst when it comes to time management skills and I am really going to try to improve on them for the new year. I have made a commitment to myself to spend only a few minutes a day on email and correspondence - which I've never been good at anyway so it shouldn't be impossible to do. However, the other vice I am going to try and stay away from is the blasted youtube. I spend so much time on that damn site, quality time that could be spent more productively. So aside from posting my own videos of Wrigs and Chum I won't be surfing the tube anymore. We'll see how long this lasts. I'm guessing 7.2 minutes.

And since I'm on the path to a more productive way of living, my blogging days must change. It's not so much that I spend a lot of time blogging on here anyway, but once I'm locked in I can seriously browse and catch up on my favorite blogs for hours at a time. This is not improving my way of life nor the relationships I have with those around me so it must come to a close. I need to get back to the world that once existed outside of my computer screen. My eyes will thank me for this too.

Though from time to time I may post about some random things here and there or I may change the format of this blog entirely, but I'll do so only if the priorities for the day have been met. Who knows? The more productive I become, the more time I may have to post. But until then, I'll leave you with what I'm thinking about right now...

Do you ever wish your bladder was removable and had legs? That way you could just unzip it straight from your gut, plop it on the floor and tell it to walk to the nearest bathroom so you didn't have to leave the comforts of your favorite chair all snuggled up in a warm blanket. A removable bladder. Not such a bad idea. We can send a man to the moon so why can't scientists perfect a removable bladder? Why does this remind me of the song Detachable Penis??? Best line of the song, "Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis."

Alrighty, enough nonsense. Time to sail.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

my sister...

...is so pretty.

She'd also like to wish you all a very Happy New Year.


She is so going to kill me for posting these photos so I'll include one of my better shots as well...

(And in case you were wondering one of my priorities for 2008 addresses mental health. And I will say (in all honesty) that it's rapidly deteriorating. I think it may be time to hang up these blogging shoes.)

Happy New Year

(a day or two-or is it three???- late)

I typically don't make New Year's Resolutions but I do like to re-evaluate the priorities in my life and tweak if necessary.

So here's what's in store for 2008:

1) Continue to improve my state of mental health...


2) Try not to embarrass my husband in public (as much)...


(I won't wear that silly hat anymore)


3) Assist in more home improvement projects...
(though Tom may not be thrilled with this one)

4) Maintain a socially acceptable level of grooming and stay consistent with exercise...



(anything goes!)

5) Appreciate the blessings in my life every day...

Planes, Trains and Ryan Seacrest

Last night I had the strangest dream, though I didn't sail away to China. I was on a plane heading to Germany with Ryan Seacrest after he just finished taping the New Years Rockin' Eve show. There was another young girl with us named Melissa and I think she may have been an American Idol contestant. She didn't have her passport so they wouldn't let her off the plane when we landed in Germany so we kept having to come back to the plane to bring her food and souvenirs. It sucked. Then at one point I was sitting by myself at a pub by the airport and realize I have to teach a class. I chug my beer and hop on a train to Greece. (Is there a train that goes from Germany to Greece? If not, there should be. The scenery was fantastic.) I get to the school where I'm supposed to teach and Ryan Seacrest is now sitting in the classroom! I was wearing these big bouncy shoes and I kept bouncing around the classroom and I couldn't make them stop so I taught the class while bouncing up and down, hitting my head on the ceiling. It was a cooking class and I was showing the students how to make those little candy wreath cookies I make at Christmas and the stuff was spilling everywhere and the students, including Ryan, were eating the cookies off the floor.

The shoes I had were much bigger than these but they had a boingy thing on the bottom like this...

That's what I get for mixing Tequilla and red wine at the neighbors house last night.